Blog Archives
150 Followers on Twitter?! You Are Too Awesome
From the bottom of our black little hearts we thank you for making this whole site possible! If you haven’t already, come along and take a ride on this fantastic voyage! Follow us at @AverageNobodies!
-Ryan & Matt
The Iron Sheik Has Found a New Target – Justin Bieber
If I’m Justin Bieber I’m hoping I get deported at this point. A man can only have his dick compared to so many tiny things before he loses his mind. And I wouldn’t want the Iron Sheik suplexing me or my Mexican girlfriend. That just sounds horrible.
On a side note is anyone even close to the Iron Sheik’s level when it comes to insults? He goes right after your pride with the tiny dick jokes, then just when you’re at your lowest level, he compares you to a dead, retarded midget animal. Coldblooded shit.
– Ryan
In a Story About a Real Life Superhero, Andrew Frey Gets High On Meth and Fights Off 15 Police Officers… While Masturbating
A man who was allegedly high on meth reportedly fought off more than a dozen police officers while publicly masturbating. Andrew Frey, 37, apparently made a series of outbursts and then began masturbating in an Oregon restaurant, The Oregonian reports. Incredibly, police were reportedly unable to subdue Frey with a Taser. It took 15 officers to finally take him into custody and stop him pleasuring himself. Frey later reportedly told authorities that he took methamphetamine and couldn’t remember the obscene incident, according to the Marion County Sheriff’s office. Frey was treated at a local hospital and then booked into county jail on charges of public indecency, theft of services, and resisting arrest. -Huff Post
Just when I thought there would be no more big stories in 2013, Andrew Frey goes ahead and blows my mind with this superhuman performance at a public restaurant. What grabs me here isn’t that he was high on meth or that he beat up 15 consecutive cops, no, what got me what that he did all this while slapping his ham. That is some impressive shit right there.
-Matt
Seth Meyers Tweeted Out His Favorite Sketch From Each New Cast Member Because Seth Meyers is the Man
I will now commence tweeting my favorite sketch of every new SNL cast member
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
Here’s @becbenit in Office Boss. SPOILER: He’s not a normal boss. http://t.co/ipXacfAMWy
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
Lady Gaga joined @JohnMilhiser for 4th Grade Talent Show. http://t.co/8M31PrvKlZ They both rehearsed a great deal
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
During this I discovered that @brookswheelan actually has all of these tattoos. http://t.co/tVqBftDBQX
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
I enjoy @kylemooney‘s face a great deal in “Ice Cream.” http://t.co/XvjbPUg80r
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
Everyone was very excited when we realized @RealTomHankz (Noel Wells) did this good a Lena Dunham http://t.co/K2Di4FqNjP
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
And finally, what beats @MikeOBrienXOXO chasing bugs with a microphone? http://t.co/FDximyGuLl
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 27, 2013
Seth Meyers is the classiest guy around. The Weekend Update desk, and Saturday Night Live in general, will definitely miss him.
– Ryan
Riff RAFF and Jordan Peele Became Best Friends on Twitter Last Night
RETWEET iF i SHOULD MAKE MULTiPLE GUEST APPEARANCES ON THE KEY & PEELE SHOW, THAT WOULD BE MARVELOUS @KeeganMKey @JordanPeele
— RiFF RAFF (@JODYHiGHROLLER) December 18, 2013
@JODYHiGHROLLER I love that you want to be in Key & Peele. We’re writing right now. I’m sure we can come up with a perfect sketch for you.
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) December 18, 2013
DANG THANKS SO MUCH ! OK MAYBE HAVE ME BE AN ALCOHOLiC LiBRARiAN OR AN OLYMPiC GYMNASTiCS COACH WiTH A SCRABBLE ADDiCTiON @JordanPeele
— RiFF RAFF (@JODYHiGHROLLER) December 18, 2013
Haha @JODYHiGHROLLER You as James Franco would also be funny.
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) December 18, 2013
Let’s hope this actually happens.
– Ryan
If Leonardo DiCaprio Wrote His Own Tweets
One of the best things in this world is also the worst: Leonardo DiCaprio has a twitter. The reason for this being one of the worst is that he CLEARLY doesn’t operate it. Here are some of his tweets:
#cleanenergy cars are key to our planet’s future. Proud to be part @VenturiCars first #FormulaE Grand Prix team http://t.co/fELEnT7H2W
— Leonardo DiCaprio (@LeoDiCaprio) December 9, 2013
30k elephants killed last year. Want to put an end to this? Let’s start in the U.S. Pls sign & share: http://t.co/6HQGfjyPQU #ivorycrush
— Leonardo DiCaprio (@LeoDiCaprio) November 14, 2013
Talks on Antarctic Marine Reserve Fail to Reach Agreement http://t.co/cQEcH9ZEah
— Leonardo DiCaprio (@LeoDiCaprio) November 4, 2013
Don’t get me wrong, there is noting wrong with being an activist, but come on, Leo! Show us some of your personality! No need to be pushing your foundations all the time. Give us some of the Leo I KNOW you are:
We need a more candid Leonardo DiCaprio on Twitter! Until that day comes here is what I think his tweets would be like.
@LeoDiCaprio: Me and @JonahHill going out for chili dogs. #WhereTheLadiesAt @LeoDiCaprio: Everyone go out and see The Wolf of Wall Street! Me and Shane, from the Walking Dead, get pretty nuts in it! #PopCultureReference @LeoDiCaprio: Can’t wait for the Oscars this year. #Sarcasm #FuckYou #AnotherSnub @LeoDiCaprio: Clooney! Everyone, let’s get #GetClooneyOnTwitter Trending! I need me some silver fox on here! #DamonToo @LeoDiCaprio: Who wants to do a Christmas booze cruise?! I’m trying to get my titanic on! @KateWinslet knows what i’m talking about 😉 #SteamyHandprintWhile these might be terrible examples of his tweets, it just proves my point. We need Leo on Twitter more than ever.
-Matt
Twitter Presents: The Roast of King Joffrey
Apparently There is A Roast of King Joffrey Happening on Twitter. Here are some of the best tweets I found.
SEVEN HELLS! What a roast. Bravo! http://t.co/XizjngZS52 @AndyMilonakis #roastjoffrey
— Game Of Thrones (@GameOfThrones) December 12, 2013
When he's not tired Joffykins won't go to sleep without his cuddly crossbow beside him. #RoastJoffrey
— Cersei the Fair (@NiceQueenCersei) December 12, 2013
You know what they say about King Joffrey: "A Lannister always wets his bed." #RoastJoffrey @GameOfThrones
— Eli Roth (@eliroth) December 12, 2013
If you multiplied Joffery Baratheon's intelligence by 100 it wouldn't equal one Hodor #roastjoffrey
— Ben Burnley (毕本立） (@ReubenBurnley) December 12, 2013
"I'm telling mother!" @GameOfThrones #RoastJoffrey https://t.co/CsL4Tf67Dc
— Tyrion Lannister (@GoT_Tyrion) December 12, 2013
@GameOfThrones Joffrey is afraid of the dark #RoastJoffrey
— adam be (@adam_barnardino) December 12, 2013
I wonder how belittling it must feel to get slapped by a man half your size. #RoastJoffrey @GoT_Tyrion @King_Joffrey_
— jordan (@khaleesisdagger) December 12, 2013
He'll never be the man his mother is #RoastJoffrey
— Charlie Iceton (@charlieiceton) December 12, 2013
Even Varys has bigger balls than Joffrey #roastjoffrey
— Gloo (@curious_AD) December 12, 2013
Batman should have left Joffery to die when he had the chance. #roastjoffrey
— James Matamoros (@IM2CLUTCH2TOUCH) December 12, 2013
Joffrey is such a bad King he needs his mother AND his aunt to tell him what to do. Lucky for him they're the same person! #RoastJoffrey
— SuperJude™ (@xXSuperJudeXx) December 12, 2013
The night is dark and full of dipshits #azorasshat #RoastJoffrey
— moastlytoastly (@moastlytoastly) December 12, 2013
Who dyes your hair Joff, the kid from Eminem's "Stan" video? #RoastJoffrey
— Paul Danke (@pauldanke) December 12, 2013
You better not #RoastJoffrey, he'll tell his uncle dad.. @GameOfThrones
— Bridgette Montgomery (@Mrs_Montgomery1) December 12, 2013
