Battleground is this Sunday. John Cena is defending his title in the main event and all is right with the world. Let’s get to the predictions.

Naomi vs. Cameron

It looks like the Funkadactyls are really splitting up (tear). Naomi is far more interesting/athletic than Cameron, so I’m hoping she pulls out a victory here. It looked like Naomi was going to be the #1 contender for Paige’s title, but then AJ Lee came back, which is a far more interesting feud for Paige. Most likely scenario: Naomi defeats Cameron, then get’s a beat down post match from Cameron and the resident lunatic Alicia Fox. Most unlikely scenario: Brodus Clay comes back and T-Bone suplexes everyone.

AJ Lee vs. Paige (WWE Divas Championship Match)

The main reason I like this feud is because both ladies can play their natural characters. AJ Lee looks like a baby face, Paige looks like a heel. AJ takes some time off to get married to he who shall not be named, and when she comes back, she’s a baby face. Paige has been an undercover heel ever since she “came out to congratulate” AJ on the Raw after WrestleMania, so why not just push her all the way. Most likely scenario: AJ retains, setting up a rematch at  Summerslam where Paige gets her true big moment with a title win. Most unlikely scenario: CM Punk comes back as the special guest referee, turns on AJ and proposes to Paige in the middle of the ring.

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev (USA vs. Russia!)

In case you missed Monday’s Raw, the Rusev/Lana vs. Swagger/Colter détente was the best segment of the show. Most of the credit for this great buildup has to go to Lana and Rusev, because wrestling 101 says you can’t have a loved baby face without a hated heel. The best part about this whole thing is Swagger and Colter have not changed a bit. They still defend America, they still hate foreigners, except this time we hate the foreigners too. Lana is so pitch perfect in her role, and she’s gone from smart heel (America is crumbling) to crazy heel (America is stupid) which is very important. It’s tough to hate a heel when everything they’re saying is right. It’s easy to hate a heel when they’re just ignorant. Most likely scenario: I really want Rusev to win here. I think it’s too early to break his undefeated streak, and this is the best WWE has built up a wrestler in awhile. This is exacly how they should of built up Ryback, with squash matches to start then slowly challenge him with real threats. Rusev with the Accolade for the win. Most unlike scenario: Colter/Obama rush the ring to save Swagger from a Lana/Rusev/Putin three on one attack.

Intercontinental Title Battle Royal

Poor Bad News Barrett. Not only did he have to forfeit his title, but now he has to sit ringside Sunday and watch somebody else take it from him. There’s a lot of quality talent in this match, and I’m assuming whoever wins will be feuding with BNB upon his return. My two picks would be Cesaro and Bo Dallas. Cesaro because he’s the best guy in the match, and he really needs some direction. Bo Dallas because he’s the best heel in this match, and I’m assuming BNB comes back as a baby face. Plus, imagine that victory lap after a title win!? Most likely scenario: Cesaro wins and continues his over the top rope battle royal dominance. Most unlikely scenario: Zack Ryder lasts more than 12 seconds.

Ric Flair vs. The Ring

Just kidding. That would be good though.

The Uso’s vs. Harper & Rowan (2 out of 3 Falls for the Tag Team Championship)

I thoroughly enjoyed this match at MITB, and I have zero problem giving these teams enough time to put on a classic. The usual recipe for 2 out of 3 falls matches are a quick first fall, then the other team winning the second fall setting up a third and final winners take all match. The Uso’s have been great as tag team champs, but I love @akathemaskedman’s prediction of Harper & Rowan winning here, setting up a feud with Goldust and Stardust at Summerslam. If that happens, WWE can take all my money, and the tag team scene will officially be back on the map. Most likely scenario: Harper & Rowan win, and we finally have a true heel(s) as a champion. Most unlikely scenario: The Uso’s pull a Bella twins magic switch to retain and I light myself on fire.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho

This is the feud that will prove WWE is taking Wyatt seriously as a performer. He’s feuded with top stars (Bryan, Cena) but has looked like absolute shit. I think people are so  caught up in the uniqueness of the character that they refuse to see anything wrong with it. Don’t get me wrong, he’s amazing. He’s magic on the microphone and he’s getting better and better in the ring. He adds little subtleties to his character, like the spider walk, or making his own shirts, that are awesome. But his promo got “boring” chants on Raw, and while the crowd was dumb for chanting it, I definitely understand it. Uproxx wrote an article on five ways to tweak his character, and I love their points. He says he doesn’t care about wins and losses, yet whenever he’s losing, Harper & Rowan rush the ring to make sure he doesn’t lose. He says he wants to change John Cena, bring out the darkness in him, then he loses two out of three PPV matches and moves on. Part of this is WWE’s fault, but part of it has to fall on the performer. Who cares about the little girl who had no friends in high school. Who cares about the having the whole world in your hands. Fuck the fans. Adapt that CM Punk cult personality and show everyone why you’re right and they’re wrong. He’s got the right dance partner in baby face Jericho, so let’s see if this is the feud that puts Wyatt over the top. Most likely scenario: Jericho steals a non convincing victory, because this feud should go on for a few more PPV’s. Most unlikely scenario: Wyatt get’s distracted by Jericho’s light up jacket, falls out of his rocking chair, and we never see him again.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins

AKA the match of the night. There’s no reason these two shouldn’t go out and just tear the house down. They’re familiar with each other, and they have a clear reason to be fighting: Rollins turned his back on his brother to be a corporate yuppie, and you don’t turn your back on a legitimate psycho. I expect Ambrose to be the brawler and Rollins to duck and cover for the beginning of this match, but then they should fly. Most likely scenario: Rollins wins, possibly with some help from The Authority. Most unlikely scenario: Dean Ambrose gets on the microphone post match and declares his new name is Jeans Ambrose.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns vs. Kane vs. Randy Orton – Fatal Four Way WWE Championship Match

Cena wins. That much is clear. But this should be a good showcase for Roman Reigns, the heir apparent to the baby face throne. Kane and Orton have also been teasing a lot of tension lately, so I wouldn’t be surprised if their bickering led to Cena pinning either one of them to retain. This will lead to Plan B, which is Seth Rollins, but since Plan B is always interrupted by Jeans Ambrose (his new name now. it has been decided), HHH will have no other option but to go with Paul Heyman’s Plan C, Brock Lesnar. I don’t think Lesnar shows up at Battleground, but his return is looming. Hopefully this match serves three purposes: get Reigns out of the title picture for now and have him feud with Orton/HHH. Have Cena move on and get his ass kicked by Lesnar. Have Kane retire forever. Most likely scenario: And still WWE Champion, JAAAAHHHHNN Ceeeennnaaa. Most unlikely scenario: anything else.

Enjoy the PPV, and follow us @averagenobodies as we’ll be live tweeting. I’ll make a lot of Jeans Ambrose jokes. Have a good weekend everybody.

– Ryan