Who doesn’t love a nice night out on the town at a fancy (Chilis) restaurant? I’m talking about going out with some friends and enjoying good food, ice ice ice ice cold drinks, and maybe a little entertainment. That’s the American dream in a half shell (see what I did there?). So what is this week’s Monster Blog? It’s simple: The Average Nobodies come up with restaurants. The object is to channel our favorite things about our favorite restaurants into one mega-eatery that will be the crowning achievement off all the “testing” we have done over the years. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Flay ain’t got SHIT on us.

Matt’s Taco Emporium

At “MTE” we have one motto: “If you like tacos then you better come here or else you are a dumb idiot who actually does’t like tacos and should probably just stay home anyway.” I know what you are thinking, kind of a long motto, well if you think that then my tacos aren’t for you. At MTE we use only the most mediocre ingredients we can find, because since when have you gone to a really good taco place that used grade A meat and fresh veggies? Exactly. Our minimalistic menu includes two items, Tacos and Beer, which cost $2 each. Substitutions will not be allowed and our beer selection is minimal, to say the least, but what we lack in personal touch we make up for in bold tastes and a live mariachi band that plays every minute that we are open. Don’t sleep on Matt’s Taco Emporium, because we will find you.

-Matt

Ryan’s Soup Shack

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it one thousand times: restaurants need more soup. I go to a nice, fancy pub and what are my soup options? Chicken soup. That’s it. Where’s my broccoli cheddar? Where’s my tomato bisque? Where is my motherfucking clam chowder? At Ryan’s Soup Shack, we’ll have all that and more. If you’re a restaurant in Rhode Island and you’re not taking advantage of all the fresh seafood at your fingertips then you’re a moron. At Ryan’s Soup Shack™, we have a portion of the menu dedicated to marine life, because after all, we are the Ocean State. Red and White clam chowder, lobster bisque, crab soup, shrimp gumbo; always fresh, always delicious. We’ll also have your mama’s favorite soups, such as chicken noodle, French onion, Italian wedding soup, minestrone, lentils, and beef stew. Feeling oriental? We’ll have Vietnamese Pho, Miso soup and anything else that tickles your soup bone. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is yes, we will be using top notch advertising:

So come on down to Ryan’s Soup Shack if you want good soup, and if you want anything else, you can go to hell.

– Ryan