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Honey Boo Boo Has A New Song & Music Video & Why Is This Happening

Reality TV is a weird monster. TV executives put these odd and mostly deranged people in front of a camera, then panic when something odd and deranged happens. In Duck Dynasty, the hillbilly swamp guy who makes his money selling duck hunting whistles turned out to be a homophobe. In 19 Kids & Counting, one of the kids turned out to be a sexual predator who molested his own sister. In Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, the mother ended up dating a pedophile. If you were shocked by any of these situations then I really don’t know what to tell you. There are seriously messed up people in this world, and the more reality television that gets created, the more we’re introduced to them. Like anything else, reality TV was cool at first. Real World/Road Rules, Survivor, American Idol; all entertaining, all fun to watch. But in 2015, I just want reality TV to die a quick and painful death. It’s all 100% garbage, and even the stalwart shows like Idol and Survivor are boring because you’ve seen it a million times. Honey Boo Boo was never good, and the fact that we still have to watch this stupid kid do stuff is infuriating. Now she’s making a music video. OH GOOD. For the love of all that is holy, please never put a camera in front of this kid again.

-Ryan

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If I Hear “Wiggle” One More Time I Might Actually Commit A Horrible Crime

So we’re at the point where not only did this song get made, but you can’t turn on a radio station without hearing it. It’s horrifically sad that’s that where we’re at as a society. Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion or Snoop or whatever the hell his name is now is apparently following the Adam Sandler career plan and just mailing in songs. “Hey Snoop can you come to a tropical island and say the word butt and wiggle over and over again and smoke a lot of weed? Also we’ll pay $5 million.” I don’t blame him for saying yes, but it doesn’t change the fact that this song is terrible. Let’s take a look at the transcendent lyrics.

You know what to do with that big fat butt

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Just a little bit of… swing

I thought ‘Hotel California’ was a powerful song, but it’s got nothing on ‘Wiggle’. I feel like a general rule of thumb should be that you can’t just say the same word nine times in a row and call it a chorus. I’m not music major but that just seems right. Hearing this song so much has finally convinced me to do something that is long overdue: rip the radio out of my car and listen to myself sing cover versions of my favorite songs. At least I know I’ll never be disappointed.

– Ryan

Music Monday: Sam Smith – How Will I Know (Whitney Houston Cover)

Sam Smith hopped onto my radar earlier this year when he was the musical guest for Louis C.K.’s second stint as host of SNL, especially with his live version of ‘Stay With Me’. Now he’s crossing over into the cover song game, and if this version of ‘How Will I Know’ is any indication, he’ll be fantastic.

– Ryan

Robin Thicke is Reason #1000 Why It’s Easier to Be a Celebrity

AlanRobin Thicke will stop at nothing to get his gal back.

The 37-year-old singer has reportedly written a new song in effort to work things out with his estranged wife, Paula Patton, and will perform it at Sunday’s Billboard Music Awards, according to TMZ.

“I should’ve kissed you longer/ I should’ve held you stronger,” are some of the lyrics from the hearlfelt ballad titled “Get Her Back.”

“All I wanna do is make it right,” the track continues via the gossip site.

“I gotta get her, go get her back/ I gotta treat her right /I gotta cherish her for life”

This is not the first public attempt Thicke has made to make things right with Patton, who he has been involved with since his teenage years.

He has opened up at several of his concerts since the pair’s separation announcement, made in February after eight years of marriage, stressing how he wants to work things out.

Patton, 38, recently spoke out about the split in Vanity Fair’s June issue, telling the mag, “there’s a deep love there — always was, and always will be.”

quizzical

Wait, am I supposed to feel bad for Robin Thicke? If you play the game you can’t get mad when the game ruins your life. That’s how it works. You can’t travel around the world seducing everybody and having sex with every girl who gives you the eye and expect your hot, actress wife to be OK with it. Also, let’s not forget that Robin Thicke has the one thing working for him that can heal this marriage: he’s a celebrity. Your wife caught you cheating? Write her a song that you can perform at an award show so she has no choice but to watch it. Make the lyrics all lovey dovey so she REALLY knows you mean it. It really is that simple. If I wrote my ex girlfriend a love song and tried to sing it to her I’d be trespassing and breaking probation. But Robin Thicke does it and he’s a hero. Game ain’t fair. Game ain’t fair.

– Ryan

 

Is WWE Intentionally Trying to Make Me Hate Cesaro With His New Entrance Song?

Let me guess this straght. You have the most polished guy in the ring outside of Daniel Bryan who’s had GREAT (not good) matches with NXT, Raw and Smackdown superstars over the last year. You pair that guy up with Paul Heyman because Paul Heyman is the wrestling Jesus. You give him a sweet ass sparkled jacket and a cool new nickname. And this is his entrance theme? Just a siren blaring followed by a guitar? I can’t think of a theme song that fits a guy’s personality less than this song fits Cesaro. You’re building him up to be this otherwordly strong man who still has the quickness and agility to stay with the smaller guys, yet you stick him with this entrance song. Maybe I’m crazy but when I think of that kind of ability a siren is the not the first thing that comes to mind. An entrance song in todays wrestling world is just as important as a wrestler’s in ring or promo work. When the music first hits, you want the people to either explode out of their seats or boo with tenacity, not huddle under their chairs because the Russians are bombing us. I really hope by next weeks Raw Cesaro has a new theme song, and we see another 100 rotation swing to make up for this peice of garbage.

– Ryan

“Let It Go” Sung in the Voices of 21 Disney Characters!

I’ve said it once, i’ll say it 1,000 times. People who can sing and people who do great impressions are the most talented among us. Now take this guy who can do BOTH. Bravo, sir, Bravo. I wish I could do even ONE impression. My “Jamaican” accent always seems to come out sounding like a truck driver from Alabama.

-Matt

If You’re Not Rooting For Pharrell To Win an Oscar For ‘Happy’ Then You’re a Great, Big Phony

Do any of the other nominees have a 24 hour music video? Didn’t think so. Go on with your bad self Pharrell.

– Ryan

Alan Silvestri’s Acoustic Version of the Back to the Future Theme Song is Awesome

This is what I call maximizing your talent. If you have the ability to play the acoustic guitar like Alan and you’re not playing covers of classic movie theme songs then you’re wasting your time. Back to the Future is the best trilogy of all time and it’s not even a debate.

– Ryan

H/T BuzzFeed

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