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Insane People in Seattle are Testing Dog Shit for DNA to Catch Shitty Dog Owners

SEATTLE (AP) — Frustrated with dog owners who refuse to clean up after their pets, an increasing number of apartments in Seattle are opting to use DNA testing to identify the culprits.

The Seattle Times reports (http://bit.ly/1HxGgb2 ) that a company called BioPet Vet Lab from Knoxville, Tennessee, is providing its PooPrints testing kits to 26 apartment and condo complexes and homeowners associations in the region.

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Seattle residents clearly have WAY too much time on their hands. If your biggest concern of the day is trolling the neighborhood for fresh dog shit to test for DNA then you need to reevaluate how you spend your time. Where are your kids while you do this? Sitting at home unattended? Going with you on these fece safaris? Either way it shouldn’t be happening. Not to mention this sounds expensive as hell. I’m no expert, but something tells me that getting DNA tests done don’t cost a shiny nickel. What happened to the old fashion method of sitting at your window and waiting until the culprit strolls up to your house and you just yell obscenities at the from the window? Those days are long gone I guess. Next steps in this insane behavior is having one of these crazies on Maury….”YOU ARE NOT THE SHITTER!”

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-Matt

**Update** This was originated in Florida…..makes perfect sense now.

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Who Knew Joe Namath and His Fancy Coat Would Be the Most Entertaining Part of the Superbowl

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All I have to say is thank God for Broadway Joe. If he and his fur coat didn’t show up last night then this already horrible Superbowl would have been that much worse. I’m sure Seahawks fans were ecstatic, but as a casual fan that Superbowl sucked. You knew who was going to win 12 seconds into the game. Joe even tried to hijack the coin toss because he knew how terrible the game was going to be. Peyton Manning and the Broncos got their asses handed to them, and never even tried to put up a fight. All I know after this game is that Joe Namath has a beautiful fashion sense and as much as it pains me to say it, the Seahawks are far and away the best team in football. Damn it all.

– Ryan

The ‘Beast Mode’ Sausage Sandwich is Almost as Stupid as Pete Carroll’s Stupid Face

Seahawks suck – It’s time to grub up for the Super Bowl, and with the Seattle Seahawks facing  off against the Denver Broncos, there is a unique cuisine to sample from these  Western cities.

You could start your day on a Seattle kick, with a warm coffee from your  local Starbucks. Then, for lunch, transition across the Rocky Mountains to  Denver and get your lunch fix at a Quiznos or a Chipotle. As you settle down  before the start of the game, put some craft beers into the ice chest so they  can chill in time for kickoff.

But if you’re looking for a meal that screams “Go Seahawks,” look no farther  than the Beast Mode Sausage.

Named after the Seahawks bruising running back, Marshawn Lynch, who has been  given the Beast Mode moniker for his style of running, this sausage mirrors  Lynch’s football personality. A butcher in Puyallup, Wash. has combined sweet  and spicy meat with Skittles, the candy of choice for Lynch.

That’s right – sausage with Skittles on the inside.

So while the 12th man may have to travel across the country to cheer their  team on live in Metlife Stadium, at least they will have something to snack on  as they prepare for the championship game.

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The Seahawks couldn’t just beat my 49ers and be done with it. Now they have to make a travesty out of my favorite sandwich. What’s next? Are they going to cancel my favorite TV shows? Beat up my grandma? There are only three things that should go on a sausage sandwich: peppers, onions and mustard. Not skittles. Never skittles. You’re insulting sausage lovers everywhere, which I now realize sounds a little weird. But the seahawks are basically rebelling against America. And if anyone is looking to point a finger of blame, point it at this world class asshole..

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I hate you Pete Carroll. I hope your burn with Satan in the depths of hell.

– Ryan

Richard Sherman is Now Public Enemy Number One

Boy, that escalated quickly. I could’ve swore the Seahawks won the game and were going to the Superbowl. Here’s my only problem with this: Sherman went after Crabtree and the 49ers postgame, to a sideline reporter. There is no doubt in my mind Crabtree and every other 49er were talking trash all game. It’s football; nowadays, it’s just another part of the game. If Sherman had a problem with Crabtree, or anyone else for that matter, he should’ve handled it on the field. Instead, he made the play of the game, then walked over to Crabtree and mockingly stuck his hand out, got flagged and ran off the field. Again, I don’t care about the trash talk. But calling someone out when he’s already left the field, especially when you had the chance to say your peace 5 minutes earlier, doesn’t sit right with me. Good luck in Jersey, Mr. Sherman. I hope Peyton eats you alive.

– A bitter 49ers fan

I Hate the Seahawks But This ‘Ravishing’ Rick Rude Tribute is Glorious

Solid moves, Michael Bennett. Although sacking Eli Manning isn’t much of an accomplishment these days.

– Ryan

– via @SBNATION

Jet Chevrolet Underestimated Just How Much The New York Giants Suck

Source – People in Seattle are geeked about their Seahawks’ success this season, and a possible Super Bowl run. But you could understand if one area car dealership was less than pleased with Sunday’s results.

The Seahawks dismantled the New York Giants in Week 15, 23-0, rallying from a bump-in-the-road loss to the San Francisco 49ers the week before. And perhaps because of that loss, and with the cross-country travel for Sunday’s game, Jet Chevrolet, a dealership in Federal Way, Wash. (25 miles south of Seattle) figured they could offer a promotion that they probably wouldn’t have to make good on.

The deal: Jet Chevy planned to pay out $35,000 to 12 lucky winners if the Seahawks shut out the Giants. Simple as that. So leave it to the Giants to stick it to Jet at MetLife Stadium.

 

Talk about a horrible idea. The best team in football, with the best defense in football, are playing one of the worst teams in football, who just so happen to have a quarterback who leads the league in interceptions. Of course they got shut out! The Giants are downright awful this year. If Eli Manning has the chance to ruin someone’s day he’s going to do it. Plus, I feel like this deal should have worked the other way around. If you’re a car dealership IN SEATTLE, wouldn’t you want the Seahawks to shutout the Giants? A more sensible bet would have been to dole out prizes if the Giants shutout the Seahawks, which has a negative infinity chance of happening.  Just a mind boggling move by Jet Chevrolet. I don’t know much about car dealerships, but $420,000 is a lot of money, and there’s a 100% chance that every employee is fired by the end of the week. Happy holidays indeed.

– Ryan

 

Jon Ryan, the Seattle Seahawks Punter, is Haunting

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If I had one million guesses I would never figure out that this guy was a punter. If he grew out his beard he’d be a dead ringer for Tormund from Game of Thrones.

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If you put a sweet ass coat on Jon Ryan he’s pretty much indistinguishable from Tormund. With a name like Jon Ryan, I figured he would be a CIA operative or some kind of high level spy. Nope, just a punter. Only the evil Pete Carrol would employ a punter with the name of a spy and the look of a game of thrones character. His witchcraft will run out eventually.

– Ryan

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