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Welcome To Hell, Chip Kelly #49ers

Chips Ahoy Chip Kelly is the new head coach of the San Francisco 49ers.

Kelly, fired last year at the end of his third season coaching the Eagles, has been hired by the 49ers today.

Although Kelly’s tenure in Philadelphia will be remembered mostly for his disappointing 2015 season, in which he was given full personnel control and didn’t know what to do with it, he did have success in his first two seasons with the Eagles. In San Francisco, G.M. Trent Baalke will pick the players, and Kelly will coach them. Coaching is what Kelly does best.

The first question is whether the quarterback Kelly coaches will be Colin Kaepernick. It appeared that Kaepernick’s tenure in San Francisco was coming to an end when he was benched last season, but Kelly’s offense could be suited to Kaepernick’s skill set, and it’s now possible that Kaepernick could remain.

Slow Clap

Any time you can snag up one of the best coaches on the market, you have to be pleased. So what if he’s a racist and he’s slowly losing his mind. He’s walking into hell, anyway. So maybe being a crazy racist is just what the 49ers need. As much as Jim Tomsula was fun to watch and his mustache was majestic, he was clearly overmatched. The 49ers had a historic overhaul coming into this season, and they performed as well as expected. Now that Kelly realizes he can’t coach AND make all the personnel decisions, maybe he’ll be more grounded and do a better job. The most important question is obviously what do you do with Kaepernick. I was under the impression that he was as good as gone, but he’s a pretty excellent fit for Kelly’s offense. Finally a beacon of hope in what was once a depressing wasteland.

-Ryan

 

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Vernon Davis Has Been Traded, Colin Kaepernick Has Been Benched & The 49ers Aren’t The Greatest Team In The World Right Now

Oh No – The trade of Vernon Davis to the Denver Broncos on Monday signals more than just the beginning of the teardown of what was once an elite NFL team.

The trade represents the full-circle journey the 49ers have taken, from the ranks of the NFL’s worst, to one of its best, now back to darkness and desperation.

Hours after the trade, reports circled that the 49ers have decided to bench struggling Colin Kaepernick in favor of Blaine Gabbert this week. The quarterback of the present and future will hold a clipboard. The team is crumbling.

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That picture pretty much sums up the 49ers season. They had the worst offseason in recent memory, losing so many key coaches and players that you knew it’d be impossible for them to have anything close to a decent season this year, and that’s exactly what’s happened. Now another key veteran is gone in Vernon Davis, and their $100 million quarterback Colin Kaepernick has been benched in favor of a guy who the Jacksonville Jaguars thought was expendable. It’s a shocking fall from grace for a team that was in the god damn Super Bowl 3 years ago, but that’s what happens when ownership thinks they know how to build a team better than a guy (Jim Harbaugh) who lives and breathes football and has instantly turned around programs and franchises everywhere he’s went. Is it shocking that Michigan is ranked 16th in the country and the 49ers are going through one of the ugliest seasons in ever? It shouldn’t be, and unfortunately, unless they score some serious talent in next year’s draft, it won’t be getting better anytime soon.

-Ryan

Jim Harbaugh and His Baseball Glove Have Been Going On An MLB Stadium Tour

 

I can see why people dislike Jim Harbaugh, but I absolutely love the guy. HIs baseball glove tour just reinforces that love. The best picture has to be from the San Francisco Giants, where he’s clearly sitting behind home plate, behind the protective netting, making it impossible for him to catch a foul ball. Doesn’t matter. When Jim Harbaugh goes to a baseball game he brings his mitt. He could be sitting behind protective netting or in the first row of the bleachers, if he’s in the house, so is his glove. There’s also not a doubt in my mind that nothing is stopping Jim Harbaugh from getting a foul ball. If the ball is hit in his section all he sees are seams: women, children, the elderly; just another hurdle to overcome. I don’t care if the 49ers ever win another game, I just want the Jim Harbaugh baseball glove tour to continue forever.

– Ryan

 

 

Blaine Gabbert to the 49ers? K See Ya in Phoenix

The Story Of The First Time You Got Drunk, In 25 GIFs

Who did we need to help us get over the hump? Blaine Fucking Gabbert, that’s who. No chance we lose in the NFC Championship or Super Bowl now. I can’t wait to order my Gabbert jersey and laugh at all the haters when we’re celebrating in Phoenix next February. Oh and in case you need more proof, here are some stats for you:

Career TDs: 22

Career INT: 24

Career passer rating: 66.4%

NO BIG DEAL.

– Ryan

P.S. Does anyone else have their own “Real American” video? Didn’t think so.

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Welcome Back to 49er Land Mr. Boldin

With all the hoopla surrounding Harbaugh and the 49ers brass, we needed a sign from the heavens that this season wasn’t going to be awful. I’ll take a two year deal for the ‘Quan as that sign. I can’t wait to lose in the NFC Championship/Super Bowl this year.

– Ryan

P.S. Hey Pete Carroll

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I Think Jim Harbough is a Legitimate Crazy Person

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I’m having a hard time coming up with another explanation for this picture. It’s one thing to run all the way onto the field after the play is over. It’s ANOTHER thing to be completely on the field while the play is going on. It’s like he just forgot where he was or what he was supposed to be doing and just wanted to see the play. I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned that this man is leading my favorite football team into the Conference title game. The only comforting thing is I know he won’t be psyched out in Seattle. You can’t psych out a crazy person.

– Ryan

Jim Harbaugh Doesn’t Care If You Don’t Like Him

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Jim Harbaugh has officially morphed into the ultimate “love him if he’s with you, hate if he’s against you” coach in sports. Naturally, I love him, and I’ll tell you why. If he COULD, and I mean literally if he was physically able to, he would’ve played yesterday. What other coach in negative degree weather is out on the field throwing the football around with his quarterback? Nobody. I’m not saying he’s mentally stable, or he doesn’t make boneheaded decisions (has to be the first time in history a coach has called a timeout before first play of the second half) because he does. But he cares about the team and it’s players above all else. Case in point were his post game comments on Michael Crabtree. Does Crabtree have the greatest hands in NFL history? No, but if my coach was saying stuff like that about me I’d want to give 200% when I’m out on that field because I know he has my back. The facts are that Harbaugh took over a 6-10 team that hadn’t had a winning record in 8 years and all he’s done since is won at least 13 games in 3 straight years and put the 49ers back on the map as a great football team. You can hate him, you can love him, but you can’t ignore what he’s done for this football team. Can I get a “wooooooooo!”

For Harbaugh’s post game speech, click here

– Ryan

The Vernon Davis Superman Leap is My New Favorite Play

This is how you win a football game. Forget about the score. If you’re not literally jumping over defenders trying to tackle you then you’re doing it wrong. It’s all about style, and the Superman leap is as fantastic as it gets. If Vernon Davis scores another touchdown without utilizing the leap I’ll be terribly disappointed.

– Ryan

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