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Captain Morgan Learned the Hard Way That Americans Will Literally Eat or Drink Taco Flavored Anything

 

I love the effort here on Captain Morgan’s part, but when you bring tacos into the mix you’re just over matched. We will literally eat or drink anything with the word taco in it. It doesn’t even have to taste like tacos. You just have to put the word in there and people will go for it. I really wouldn’t be surprised if people start an uproar because this DOESN’T exist. In the 24 hours it took to come out as a joke I bet millions of people planned Captain Morgan taco party’s this weekend. Part of me wants to say its cool but a much larger part of me thinks its disturbing. But then that small part of me eats a taco and everything makes sense again. Better luck next year, Captain.

– Ryan

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I’ve Found My New Favorite Website

This is literally the hardest choice I have to make on a daily basis. I’d love to just kick back and have a few beers every night, but I also don’t want to weigh 400 pounds. As far as working out goes, I’ll start and end with this: I have a free on site gym at work that’s been open for two months and I’ve gone there three times. Back to the greatest web site ever created. Get drunk not fat ranks every beer and liquor you can think of based on the amount of included alcohol versus calorie content.

Brand
ABV Alcohol % by Volume Calories Per Serving C.F.A. Calories From Alcohol Higher is better Carbs Per Serving Comments
Pure Ethanol Not a real drink, for comparison only 100% 238 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 100.00% 0.00 7.1 Calories per gram (http://annals.org/article.aspx?articleid=691502) Density = 0.789 g/cm3 Grams in one fluid oz = 28.3495 7.1 x 0.789 x 28.3495 = 158.81 cals per fl oz
Everclear 95% 226 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.97% 0.00 Calorie info obtained directly from Luxco Spirits. 750ML for $12.99
Jose Cuervo Especial (Gold) 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Calorie info directly from a Jose Cuervo Consumer Representative $22.99 for 1.75L
Jose Cuervo Especial (Silver) 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Calorie info directly from a Jose Cuervo Consumer Representative $22.99 for 1.75L
Crown Royal – Special Reserve 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Obtained directly from http://www.knowyourdiageodrink.com $22.49 for 750ml
Gordons – Dry Gin 40% 96 calories per 1.5 oz Score: A+ 99.26% 0.00 Info directly from knowyourdiegodrink.com $14.99 per 1.75L at BevMo

Now my summer of Long Island Iced Tea’s seems like a bad idea. This is the ultimate borderline alcoholic lazy man’s dream website. Whoever made this, know you now have a new best friend.

To get the full tour, visit http://getdrunknotfat.com/

– Ryan

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