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Watch Richard Sherman Try To Give Clay Matthews An RKO In The Only Intersting Moment Of The Pro Bowl

The Pro Bowl was terrible and boring just like it always is, but thanks to Richard Sherman, we did get a few seconds of fun. After a play which saw Sherman line up as a wide receiver, he moseyed on over to the middle of the field and tried to hit an unsuspecting Clay Matthews with an RKO. For those of you who are not wrestling fans, an RKO is exactly what you just saw, except Clay Matthews would have laid flat out on his stomach and probably broke his neck since he was wearing a helmet. I still don’t understand how the NFL can mess up the Pro Bowl this badly, and it looked especially bad with the insanely fun NHL all star game going on at the same time. Damn you Roger Goodell. Damn you.

-Ryan

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The Patriots Are Involved In A New Cheating Scandal & Oh My God Are We Really Still Doing This?

In fact, many former New England coaches and employees insist that the taping of signals wasn’t even the most effective cheating method the Patriots deployed in that era. Several of them acknowledge that during pregame warm-ups, a low-level Patriots employee would sneak into the visiting locker room and steal the play sheet, listing the first 20 or so scripted calls for the opposing team’s offense. (The practice became so notorious that some coaches put out fake play sheets for the Patriots to swipe.) Numerous former employees say the Patriots would have someone rummage through the visiting team hotel for playbooks or scouting reports. – USA Today

 

I knew that when Judge Berman reversed Tom Brady’s suspension that it wasn’t the end of deflate gate, but I was hoping that we’d at least be able to put that story on the back burner and focus on the upcoming season, which starts in two days. Of course that didn’t happen, and of course there’s a NEW cheating scandal to come out about the Patriots. According to a couple investigative journalists who totally aren’t trying to start a witch hunt, the Patriots used to send employees into hotel and locker rooms to try and steal the other teams playbook. If this story lived on it’s own, there would probably be a lot more people who cared about it, but after everything that’s been written and talked about in regards to spy gate and deflate gate, I’m just indifferent. Who cares at this point? There’s honestly nothing that could come out about the Patriots that would be make me feel happiness or anger. When reporting on the Patriots, ESPN might as well identify themselves as a gossip website, because that’s what it’s becoming. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if a story came out about a talented Patriot who ended up being a serial killer. Oh wait…

-Ryan

Trailer Alert: Concussion

The first full length trailer for ‘Concussion’ is here, and I gotta say, this looks awesome. Will Smith is the lead, and it’s nice to see him back doing some solid drama work. The guy is just so talented, and when he really sinks his teeth into a role, which it looks like he has here, he’s almost unmatched. Of course the plot of this movie is the real story, as is the real life correlation between brain injuries and the NFL. There are already reports of the NFL going into ‘damage control’ mode, and you can see why. As much as I love football, it’s leadership has been questionable at best for a long time, and it’s clear that the people in power care more about profit than the well being of the individuals that make them that same money. The optimistic side of this is that the movie reignites the concussion discussion in football and sparks some real change, but as long as Roger Goodell is in charge, I doubt much will change. From a movie standpoint, Concussion joins The Revenant and Hateful Eight (both limited releases) as Christmas Day debuts. That’s a murderous lineup.

-Ryan

Our Favorite Tom Brady Meme’s From Yesterday’s Court Room Sketch

Tom Brady had his day in court yesterday as his never ending battle with the NFL and Roger Goodell over Deflate Gate continues. While everyone is pretty sick of DG at this point, court room sketch artist Jane Rosenberg decided she was going to steal the show yesterday, and steal the show she did. Here is her sketch of Brady during the proceedings:

That is amazing. I honestly picture her in the court room with an oil painting set just having a ball trying to sketch everybody and make them look as sullen and sick as possible. It’s great. Naturally, this led to some amazing meme’s, and since we’re givers here at the Average Nobodies, we collected a few of our favorites for you. Without further ado, the Tom Brady meme extravaganza.

-Ryan

Surprise, Surprise: Roger Goodell & The NFL Has Upheld Tom Brady’s 4 Game Suspension

No FunThe National Football League has upheld a four-game suspension of New England Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady for his role in the football tampering scandal known as “Deflategate,” the league announced in a news release Tuesday.

Commissioner Roger Goodell, in affirming the suspension he handed down in May, said new information about the destruction of Brady’s cell phone showed the four-time Super Bowl champion “sought to hide evidence of his own participation in the underlying scheme to alter the footballs.”

The first thing I want to say is that none of this would have happened if Tom Brady were white. Oh he is white? Well then I’m not sure what stance to take here. Is it dumb to suspend a guy for four games for something you can’t prove? Yes. Am I surprised the NFL, a somehow multi billion dollar operation who gloriously screws up every investigation over the last few years, screwed up an investigation? No. Anyone who thinks the NFL is punishing Tom Brady for deflating footballs is missing the point. Roger Goodell and the NFL are suspending Tom Brady for not going quietly into the night. They wanted a quick and painless situation and wanted Brady to do everything their way, including giving up his cell phone. If anyone saw the texts on my cell phone, I’d be thrown in an insane asylum immediately. Plus why would Brady let the NFL, the league that bungles every investigation, have his personal cell phone? That shit would’ve been leaked to the world in a nanosecond. So Brady didn’t comply, pee wee brain Roger Goodell didn’t want to look weak, and now the defending Super Bowl Champions won’t have their quarterback on the field until week 6. May God have mercy on Andrew Luck and the Colts for that week 6 matchup.

– Ryan

South Park Premiered Last Night With One of It’s Funniest Episodes in Years

The best part about South Park is their attention to detail (changing RGIII to Kirk Cousins from Sunday to last night) and the way they can make you laugh out loud while sneaking a really great story into an episode. Last night’s episode did all of those things. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been on the air for 18 seasons now, and they have become our go to satirists for the modern day shit show that is the world. I expected them to satire the Redskins scandal, and the NFL, and ISIS, but not all in one episode. If you saw the episode. you know it was a classic, and if you haven’t, I don’t want to spoil anything for you because this was amazing. The cowboys/redskins bit at the end was so great on so many levels, and +1 million for the Jerry Jones BJ scene. Never change, South Park.

– Ryan

H/T @WorldofIsaac

Your Random, Average NFL Predictions for the 2014-15 Season

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For those of you who don’t know, the Average Nobodies are 49er (Ryan) and Buccaneer (Matt) fans, which means that we’ve been sad for a long time. But the NFL season is finally here, and so is fantasy football and Fan Duel and Pick ‘Em leagues, so for the time being, all is right in the world. Here are 4 random predictions we’ve come up with with little to no research to support them:

The Texans Defense Will Still Be Bad

Maybe not the boldest prediction, but any team who spends their No. 1 overall pick on a game changing defensive lineman is looking to improve their defense dramatically. There’s no disputing the Clowney/Watt combo will be ferocious, heart eating monsters, but I think a good defense is more than two guys. The Texans were the worst fantasy defense last year, and that had a lot to do with Matt Schaub giving the other team at least 14 points a game on pick six’s. This year? Ryan Fitzpatrick will be the starting quarterback, which means the Texans have somehow gotten worse at the quarterback position. The Texans defense will be playing with a short field all year, which is never good. In time, the Texans could build a solid defense around their two superstars, but for the immediate future, it’s not going to be pretty.

– Ryan

Brandin Cooks Will Break the NFL Rookie Receptions Record (101 catches)

I may be a little biased on this one, since Cooks is on my fantasy team, but he has the perfect scenario brewing in New Orleans. Drew Brees is his quarterback, and Drew Brees throws the ball. A lot. He’s not the Saints primary receiver, which mean he won’t draw the attention of the opposing teams best corner. The rookie reception record is 101 catches by Anquan Boldin, so Cooks would need 102 this year to break it. Pros: he’s insanely fast, in a high powered offense who will score a lot of points & he has one of the top 3 QBs in the game. Cons: he’s on my fantasy team, so he will probably get hurt.

– Ryan

Peyton Manning Will Still Be Really Good & Break His Own TD Record

Did a little research on this one: Peyton threw for 55 tds last year against 10 interceptions and completed 68% of his passes. Holy fuck is that amazing. He lost Knowshon, Decker, and for the first four games Welker, but I see him breaking his touchdown mark again. What he lost in Knowshon he’s gained in Monte Ball as his every down back. What he lost in Decker he’s gained in Emmanuel Sanders. Welker will be back for week 6 (week 4 is their bye) hopefully high on Adderall and Molly and ready to literally run through people’s exoskeletons. Plus he still has the leagues second best receiver and second/third best tight end, and I have a hunch he might have a chip on his shoulder after getting pooped on in the Super Bowl. Remember when he ran down the field in the pre season to talk smack to a defensive back to who hit Welker? This year is going to be the year of angry Peyton Manning. He may throw 100 tds.

– Matt

The NFL Will Hand Out $5 million+ In Fines This Year

Not sure how this one can be tracked, but with Isray’s $500,000 fine and all the suspensions/pre season fines, it seems like a fair prediction to say the NFL is going to be getting a lot of money from it’s players/owners this year. The pass interference flags have been almost intolerable this pre season, and while I understand player safety is a high priority, you still have to let these guys play the game. With that said, the commissioner of the league is the same guy who suspended a man 2 games for severely beating his wife and another guy four games for having fun at the Kentucky Derby. All bets are off, except the bet that the NFL is going to fine the shit out of everybody.

– Matt

Our Superbowl Predictions (Who We Want vs. What We Think)

Who I want: Tampa Bay vs. New England

Who I think: Philadelphia vs. New England

– Matt

Who I want: San Francisco vs. Denver

Who I think: Green Bay vs. New England

 

– The Average Nobodies

 

 

 

 

Ain’t no Party Like a Jim Irsay Party

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Irsay was arrested late Sunday night for driving while intoxicated and possession of a controlled substance. The 54-year-old owner could be disciplined by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell under the league’s personal conduct policy. –NY Daily News

Jim, Jim, Jim…you party ANIMAL. Look at you go, just not giving a fuck about the law. I mean what do you have be responsible for? Just an NFL team? That’s no biggie.  Keep being you and leave Andrew Luck to play the moral role model of your organization.

-Matt

PS- He claims to be clean and sober for 15 years.

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Taken after the Super Bowl win in 06. Sober as a bird.

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