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Nintendo Report: Should You Buy Odyssey

Is Nintendo trying to beat itself (Zelda BOTW) for G.O.T.Y.?

I would be willing to bet that there is a large percentage of Nintendo Switch owners that still only own Legend of Zelda: Breathe of the Wild. Until today, that is. Super Mario Odyssey is finally here. But, is it worth the hype? Will it be better than Super Mario Sunshine? (half kidding) Let’s see what respected game reviewers around YouTube have to say!

IGN

Gamespot

ProJared

GameXplain (Spoiler free)

Matt

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Amazon Customer Reviews: ‘How To Avoid Big Ships’ By John W. Trimmer

I’m pretty excited for this one. Let’s get to the reviews.

‘How To Avoid Big Ships’

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WHY NO KINDLE EDITION??????

Given that there is a huge ship bearing down on me RIGHT NOW I am extremely disappointed that I cannot get inst

 

Caution: Check the title before purchase

I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said ‘How to Avoid Huge SHIPS’. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I’m pleased to say I’m not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they aint getting anywhere near me!

 

Excellent book! No more accidents for me!

As an Iceberg i can say that this book was a great help to me and my spiraling depression. Being larger than a huge ship has given me problems such as running into them without knowing it and sometimes sending them into panic even if i don’t. John W. Trimmer has truly brought me past my self defeating depression in giving me the confidence knowing that i will never repeat the same mistake I made April 14 1912. Thanks Captain!

 

Now my ship can FINALLY come in

All my life, people told me that “one day my ship would finally come in”. Naturally, I was terrified. What if my ship was huge?

To avoid this outcome – I sabotaged myself; dropping out of school at age 8, and replacing the milk on my daily cereal with a homemade mixture of moonshine and wallpaper paste.

Since reading this book – I finally got over my fears and decided to become successful. This week alone I have started my own talk show, written a classical opera, taught myself to read and write (both English and Hindu), and invented the iFire – a fireplace you can control like a touchscreen by simply ramming your fist into the naked flames.

Pre-orders are already worth $4 billion. Thank you John W. Trimmer!!

 

Invaluable until you know it only applies to ships

I’m now getting tired of constantly running into huge space shuttles. Huge ships used to be a massive problem. After reading this, not one ship have I encountered. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve run into a few tiny ships, but the book on avoiding those isn’t out til 2023. So, not an issue. However, the huge space shuttles are proving to be a constant annoyance. I’ve had to devise my own methods in avoiding them. I’ve even tried applying this book by changing the word ‘ships’ with ‘space shuttles’ but, obviously this is futile.

 

Any tips or suggestions for amazon products you want featured? Send them to @averagenobodies.

– Ryan

Amazon Customer Reviews: UFO-02 Detector

This one should be good. The reviews for products that people can actually wear or use have been dynamite, so I can only imagine what people have to say about a UFO Detector. As always, my 5 favorite reviews.

UFO-02 Detector

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Accurate and Faithful

This little gizmo is a bargain at twice the price and much more accurate than the voices in my head.

 

This not work!

We here. This thing not find us. It not work. We watch you from afar. You think, why we post on here? We post because we want become friend. We not like movie. We not want blow up congress. We not want steal water. We not want eat you. Most time not want put thing in butt. When human ready, we show you us. For now, we wait.

[not sure why the aliens are speaking in an Asian accent, but I’ll go with it]

 

This Is An Emergency Transmission

Please, someone, ANYONE- You have to help us. I don’t have much time! If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime in the year 2014 for whomever is reading this. They’re already among you. Lurking. Waiting. Biding their time.

I remember. I was there.

When they finally revealed themselves… It was a slaughter; we were overrun in days. The key to thwarting the invasion lies in this device, the UFO-02. By 2022 almost every American will have one. DO NOT BUY IT. THEY USE IT TO CONTROL US, TO TURN US AGAINST ONE ANOTHER, TO MASSACRE US.

Everyone is dead. The last pockets of survivors are living in caves and underground bunkers. My group ran out of food four days ago. We drank the last of the water yesterday morning. Ammunition is scarce. I am only risking contact because our group is already lost. We plan to make our final stand at sundown, to make one last assault against their li- wait, what’s that? Who’s- Oh God, THEY’RE HERE. THEY’VE FOUND US!

TO ARMS! TO ARMS, COMRADES! ATTTAAAAAACK! ATTAAAAA-

 

WARNING

Do not BUY this product! It is a scam. It doesn’t detect UFOs! It is a transmitter that sends a message to them giving them legal and moral consent to anal probe you! My neighbor learned the hard way and will never be the same!

LOL

[love the ‘LOL’. You got us good on that one.]

 

Intelligent Lifeforms Come Knocking

While I have roamed far and wide, I have had an extremely difficult time finding intelligent life here on Earth. Five minutes watching Fox News and I had just about given up hope and that the ‘Climate Change’ deniers, the ‘Intelligent Design’ proponents, the ‘We have A Muslim President’, and the ‘TSA is all about our security’ group were the only life forms in our neck of the galaxy.

I am now filled with hope my UFO-02 Detector, magnetometer interfaced with micro controller will bring the smart ones to me so I can carry on an intelligent conversation. I carefully unpacked the device, left packaging feedback on Amazon, and plugged it into an outlet in my pyramid. Not five minutes passed before it lit up like a Christmas tree, lights flashing, sounds sounding, and buzzes buzzing. I ran to the door of my pyramid and saw a man standing there holding flyers for house cleaning services. I asked him if he was from another planet, but he simply said he was from out of town, got the job sticking the flyers in front door, and after spending one more night at the Holiday Inn Express, he was heading home.

Clearly I will need to do some minor adjustments to my UFO-02 Detector, magnetometer interfaced with micro controller because it was close, but not close enough..

Excited? You betcha’

 

Any suggestions for Amazon customer reviews? Tweet us @averagenobodies. And watch out for those aliens. They’re feisty.

– Ryan

The Amazon Reviews For the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer Are Fantastic

Have you ever wanted a banana slicer? Of course you have. But just like any other necessary product, it’s important to read the reviews before you make that $2.51 purchase. While all the reviews are excellent, here are my top five:

Subject: No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

Subject: Saved my marriage

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!

Subject: Kirk Cameron’s Banana Slicer

If God does not exist, then how is it that a banana fits so perfectly in this banana slicer? CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS!

Subject: Such a time saver

No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!

Subject: Game changer

My entire life I would simply chew bananas through the skin and then spit out the skin after each bite… until I received this item. This product made me realize that I was doing it all wrong. When I found out that the banana slicer wouldn’t cut through the skin, I was puzzled and looked at pictures of the Hutzler 571 online. I then discovered that bananas could be peeled and had to be before using this product. Now that I’ve discovered this, I haven’t been using the banana slicer as much as I find a knife faster to use and easier to clean up.

Lesson here: if you need a banana slicer, it’s the Hutzler 571 or bust. Amazon reviews don’t lie.

– Ryan

Thanks to Holly for the tip.

 

Subscribe Friday – My Favorite YouTubers

Take a look and give these YouTubers a subscribe if you like their content. They are all worth a look if you like tech/gadget/unboxing/gaming videos.

Chris Pirillo

Marques Brownlee

Austin Evans

Unbox Therapy

UrAvgConsumer

-MattyV

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