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Monsterblog Wednesday: Flair Bartending Routines

For those of you who don’t know what “flair bartending” is…   The Average Nobodies very rarely turn down a chance to drink during the week, so we attended the Flair Bartending Flip Out On Cancer charity event Monday in Providence, Rhode Island. The logic is simple: you pick a song or two and you bartend your ass off. While we were watching the competition, we thought we’d throw our hats in the ring and pick a few songs and create a routine in case there ever comes a day where we need to flair bartend to save our families from a Russian super villain bent on world domination.

Ryan

Flair bartending is all about energy, and with these two songs I’ll have it in spades. Return of the Mack will get the people on their feet and Dance With Somebody will literally have people dancing with each other. If you can’t jam to these two songs, you have no soul and I don’t want you apart of my flair bartending routine. Another good thing about these songs is that they will distract the audience away from my routine. A lot of the bartenders we saw were all hands and arms, so I’m thinking I use a feet heavy routine. Do people want their bartenders feet near their drinks? Probably not, but I’m the flair bartender and they’re not. At some point I’ll probably roll multiple bottles on the ground and kick them like a soccer ball. Add in a couple hip thrusts and some obscene gestures, and you have yourself one hell of a flair bartending routine.

Matt

From what I saw at the flair bartending event your music can make or break your performance in two ways: 1. The music doesn’t speak to your inner showman or show-woman and you come up short. Using the music to get the juices flowing is like a natural adrenaline shot to the heart. You ever hear about mothers that gain ridiculous strength to save their children? Well i’m pretty sure I could jump over a small building while listening to 80’s hair metal. and 2. The music doesn’t get the people going. Nothing’s worse than getting ready to perform something in from of some people and the crowd isn’t cheering your every move. Look back at some Stone Cold Steve Austin entrances. When that glass breaks there isn’t one ass in one seat in the whole arena! Handicapped sections included (if that’s terrible of me I am sorry, but I need to prove a point). That’s the kind of energy a flair bartending performance deserves!

Having said that, my choices were easy. I start off with some ‘Twisted Sister’ followed up by the ultimate party song, Cherry Pie. I figure I will use a lot of ice in my routine. Like throw it around and keep the eyes off the action at hand. That way I can lean on some simple bottle flips and cup twirls throughout my performance. Smoke and mirrors people, that’s the first rule of magic school. I also will be yelling pretty loud so that should create an additional distraction. Like so loud that people will think i’m hurt, but I won’t be..I think.

Side note: Veteran flair performer, Lauren, said that Cherry Pie is too slow of a song to flair to. I didn’t listen, so I could be off to an awful start to my flair career. I regret nothing.

-Matt

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Monday Night Raw – Punk’s Return Set for his Hometown of Chicago?

Who knows what Vince has up his sleeve for Monday Night Raw. All I know is Ryan and I went through every possible scenario for his return on the train ride home from New York yesterday. We aren’t holding our breath though. If it was meant to happen, it was meant to happen. In Vince we trust. (Hint: it was meant to happen)

-Matt

PS- Am I going to have to start saying “in Vince & HHH we trust”? Because after all the work HHH has done with the training center and NXT he deserves a lot of credit. Just a thought, jump down my throat in the comment section!

It’s Officially 1991 All Over Again: Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker Both Returned on Raw Last Night

If WWE fans have the balls to complain about last night’s Raw, then maybe they should just stop watching. Are you going to complain that two of the greatest superstars returned on the same night? How about you complain about the two really good matches between Cesaro/Big E and Daniel Bryan/Kane. Or maybe you can complain about the Bray Wyatt/Roman Reigns match that everyone has been clamoring for yet the live crowd shit all over. Or that Hulk Hogan’s boa was too long or Undertaker’s hair was too short. I really don’t think any combination of three hour show is ever going to make wrestling fans happy. If I’m the WWE I would say screw the fans and do whatever makes you the most money. Then turn that money sideways and stick it straight up their candy asses.

– Ryan

Seahawks GM, Brian Floyd, Knows How To Party

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You aren’t a real champion until you strap on the WWE title, everyone knows that. This is starting to become a “thing” among professional sports and I love it.

-Matt

POLL: Is “His Airness”, Michael Jordan, Making a Return to the NBA?

Jalen Rose seems to think so. Check out the video below to hear the prediction of all predictions.

-MattyV

PS- This just might be the story to get Tim Tebow and Lebron James off of SportsCenter (At least for one segment).

PSS- Here is Jordan dominating current NBA all-star, O.J. Mayo back in 06. Still got it…at least in 2006 he does.

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