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Congrats To Providence RI’s Own ‘Los Andes’ On Making Yelp’s “100 Places To Eat In The US For 2016” List!

YUM – 50. Beach Break Cafe, Oceanside, CA

51. Johnny Pacific, Winnetka, CA

52. Outlaws Cafe, Van Nuys, CA *Yelp Eat24 Order/Delivery

53. Lou’s Cafe, San Francisco, CA

54. Los Andes Restaurant, Providence, RI

55. Arizmendi Bakery, San Francisco, CA

56. Lahaina Grill, Lahaina, HI

57. The French Laundry, Yountville, CA

58. Gus’s World Famous Hot & Spicy Chicken, Memphis, TN

59. Uchi, Austin, TX

60. Rockfire Grill, Mission Viejo, CA *Yelp Eat24 Order/Delivery 🔥

You can click on the link for the full list, but how about a Rhode Island favorite making Yelp’s list of places to eat in 2016? Los Andes is far and away the best restaurant in our area, and as a local Rhode Islander it’s nice to see them get recognized. I didn’t think I’d wake up today and say I’ve eaten at the 54th best restaurant in the country, but that’s how what happens when you live life in the fast lane.

-Ryan

 

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011 Raw Recap, Red Sox Season Outlook, and we Create Strip Club Food Menus

Monday Night Raw Recap, Red Sox season outlook, questions for out viewers, and a hypothetical strip club food menu. This and more!

So Warren Sapp is a Jackass

BOYWarren Sapp was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct on Tuesday.

The Hall of Fame defensive tackle was outed on Twitter for not leaving a tip for a 26-year-old waitress after watching the U.S. vs. Belgium World Cup game at Upper Deck Sports Bar and Grill in Miami.

The bill cost $69.39, but Sapp wrote on it “boys don’t tip,” after the waitress called Sapp and his friend “boys.”

Sapp defended his actions on Twitter, also adding that the service was indeed poor.

“She kept calling us boys so the tip Fit!” Sapp tweeted.

“I left it was horrible and the service was the worst,” he added.

The waitress, who is only going by Corey, spoke with WINZ-AM in Miami to give her side of the story.

“I walked over to his table. It was him and one other guy and I said, ‘Hey boys, what I can I get you to drink?’ And he was like ‘We’re not boys. I’m a man,'” Corey told the radio station. “I mean, saying ‘Hey men, what do you want to drink?’ sounds kind of weird, I think. I go with ‘boys’ a lot. It sounds more youthful.”

Corey added she did not think calling them “boys” was offensive.

“It’d just be [like] if I went up to a table of girls, I’d say ‘hey girls’–or ‘hey ladies.’”

 

I think it’s time to face the music, Warren. You weren’t mad this waitress called you and your friend “boys”. You weren’t mad at the service. You’re broke. You’ve been broke. Yet you still want to go out and have some beers and spend money like an ex NFL player should, except you’re an idiot and don’t have any money left. Usually when waitresses or whoever put receipts online it’s unnecessary, but I’m glad this got out. Warren Sapp had all this “swag” when he was a player and exudes the same “confidence” as an analyst. I call false bravado if you can’t tip a waitress on a $60 check. I think it’s time for Warren to go “college kid”: ramen noodles, cold pasta and hot pockets. At least then he’d be putting his money where his mouth is.

– Ryan

KFC’s Newest Chicken Creation is Not Going Over Well in England

Paper towel chickenA mother in Newcastle, England was horrified when her stepson bit into a deep-fried blue paper towel, the Mirror reported last week.

Krystal Henderson, 29, and 7-year-old Oliver Hallam purchased takeout from a KFC branch in Killingsworth, according to the Express. At home, Oliver took a bite out of what he assumed was chicken, but recoiled seconds later.

“He pulled it out of his mouth and when he did, it pulled away the batter – you could see the blue roll inside,” Henderson said, according to the Daily Mail.

Henderson said that realizing Oliver had bitten into a paper towel was worse than if it had just been bad chicken.

“If it was bad chicken they might have just had a bad batch or something,” she said. “But the blue roll could have been used for anything – it could have bleach or disinfectant on it … Had someone wiped their hands on it, had it been used to wipe the floor?”

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Nothing like a fried piece of paper towel to ruin your entire life. How does this even happen? I feel like you really have to go out of your way to fry a paper piece towel instead of a piece of chicken. They are two very different things. This might’ve happened in England but now it’s making me look at KFC completely different. A KFC in my hometown just closed down after being there for a long time. At first I thought it just a drop in sales, but now that this story leaked, I have a funny feeling it had something to do with paper towel chicken. Have we ruled out a global sabotage effort from Taco Bell? Taco Bell spies around the world infiltrating KFC and stuffing their famous fried chicken with used paper towel? Let’s just say it if comes out that that’s happening you should remember where you heard it first. And for the time being, maybe everyone should stick to the cornbread and potato wedges at KFC.

– Ryan

Monster Blog Wednesday – The Average Nobodies Create Restaurants

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Who doesn’t love a nice night out on the town at a fancy (Chilis) restaurant? I’m talking about going out with some friends and enjoying good food, ice ice ice ice cold drinks, and maybe a little entertainment. That’s the American dream in a half shell (see what I did there?). So what is this week’s Monster Blog? It’s simple: The Average Nobodies come up with restaurants. The object is to channel our favorite things about our favorite restaurants into one mega-eatery that will be the crowning achievement off all the “testing” we have done over the years. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Flay ain’t got SHIT on us.

Matt’s Taco Emporium

At “MTE” we have one motto: “If you like tacos then you better come here or else you are a dumb idiot who actually does’t like tacos and should probably just stay home anyway.” I know what you are thinking, kind of a long motto, well if you think that then my tacos aren’t for you. At MTE we use only the most mediocre ingredients we can find, because since when have you gone to a really good taco place that used grade A meat and fresh veggies? Exactly. Our minimalistic menu includes two items, Tacos and Beer, which cost $2 each. Substitutions will not be allowed and our beer selection is minimal, to say the least, but what we lack in personal touch we make up for in bold tastes and a live mariachi band that plays every minute that we are open. Don’t sleep on Matt’s Taco Emporium, because we will find you.

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-Matt

Ryan’s Soup Shack

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it one thousand times: restaurants need more soup. I go to a nice, fancy pub and what are my soup options? Chicken soup. That’s it. Where’s my broccoli cheddar? Where’s my tomato bisque? Where is my motherfucking clam chowder? At Ryan’s Soup Shack, we’ll have all that and more. If you’re a restaurant in Rhode Island and you’re not taking advantage of all the fresh seafood at your fingertips then you’re a moron. At Ryan’s Soup Shack™, we have a portion of the menu dedicated to marine life, because after all, we are the Ocean State. Red and White clam chowder, lobster bisque, crab soup, shrimp gumbo; always fresh, always delicious. We’ll also have your mama’s favorite soups, such as chicken noodle, French onion, Italian wedding soup, minestrone, lentils, and beef stew. Feeling oriental? We’ll have Vietnamese Pho, Miso soup and anything else that tickles your soup bone. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is yes, we will be using top notch advertising:

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So come on down to Ryan’s Soup Shack if you want good soup, and if you want anything else, you can go to hell.

– Ryan

 

Note to Self: Don’t Get the Calamari If You Go to China

Condom PartyA Chinese diner who thought her calamari was too chewy was disgusted to find out it was actually a condom.

Mai Liang was halfway through her seafood-dish at an Anhui province restaurant when she discovered the “rubbery” ring was actually a rubber.

“Imagine my horror when I turned it over with my fork and it turned out to be a contraceptive,” she told Metro.

“It was disgusting. My first horrific thought was: Is it used?” she told Metro.

Sickened to her stomach, she complained to staff.

Boss Yi Ze Teng arrived and angrily accused her of planting the prophylactic in her food to get a free meal.

Teng then reportedly said that she would eat the condom if they left the matter. And she did.

Liang said she was now talking to lawyers and may sue the restaurant.

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I’m not sure who’s side to take in this story. Obviously seeing a condom in your calamari is bad. I understand that. But if you go to China and order calamari you’re asking for trouble. Maybe not condom trouble, but some kind of trouble. Calamari is at the absolute bottom of the list of foods I’d eat in China. You know what’s on the top of that list? Literally everything else. If I was a Chinese chef who spent my whole life perfecting the art of sushi and wantons and I saw a calamari slip come through my kitchen I’d probably throw a condom in there too. That’s like going to a nice Italian restaurant and ordering dumpling soup. Complete disrespect and this chef wasn’t tolerating it. How about this psychopathic owner eating part of the condom? What point is she trying to prove? That condoms belong in calamari and are indeed tasty? I’d love to say this a power move but its too disgusting for that. Moral of the story is don’t order calamari in China, and don’t challenge Yi Ze Teng’s authority. She’ll eat a condom all over your face.

– Ryan

 

Welcome to the Most Awkward Restaurant in the World

(Source) “That’s the message being sent to customers at a New York City restaurant that prohibits any talking during an occasionally put-on $40 prix fixe, four-course meal.

Nicholas Nauman, head chef at Eat in Brooklyn’s trendy Greenpoint neighborhood, said he was inspired to pitch the tight-lipped consumption sessions after spending time in India, where Buddhist monks take their breakfast without exchanging words.

“It’s just an opportunity to enjoy food in a way you might not have otherwise,” said the chef, noting that the sounds of forks on dishes and cooks in the kitchen provide some background noise to the experience. “There’s such a strong energy in the room.”

The silent-dining experience, experts said, seems to fit with other attention-getting shticks that many restaurant owners and chefs often resort to in the notoriously competitive restaurant business.

At Moto, in Chicago, diners can eat the menu. In Paris, London, Barcelona and Moscow, restaurant-goers at Dans le Noir? — French for “In the Dark?” — are served in the pitch-dark. And pop-up restaurants — where one chef takes over another’s restaurant for the night — have long been the rage.

“As a mother of two 15-year-old boys it is kind of a fantasy to go do that,” Tanya Steel, editor-in-chief of Epicurious.com, said of the silent-dining experience at Eat. “But as someone who pays money to go out, I would feel like I’m in some kind of silent film; it would be incredibly difficult.”

At a recent evening at Eat, restaurant-goers didn’t seem to mind the silent treatment as they noshed on salads and sipped their soups.

One polite customer walked out the door to sneeze in order to avoid breaking the silence. Another could barely hold back a strong case of the giggles. And one couple found ways to communicate with facial expressions, instead of words.

“It’s kind of like a meditation,” Eat owner Jordon Colon said. “The silence speaks for itself.”

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There are million dollar ideas and then there’s this. I don’t go to a restaurant to sit in silence. I go to eat food, have a few beers and argue with my friends. That’s what restaurants are for. It’s a public forum for people watching and starting arguments. It’s not a place where people have to run outside to sneeze or force themselves not to laugh. Eat honestly sounds like a horrible place to go out for a meal. Real creative name too. Let me be at peace when I eat, and when I say be at peace, I really mean talking louder than the person next to me so my opinion is heard.

– Ryan

P.S. The only situation in which this restaurant would be ideal is on a first date. Not being able to speak adds so much awkwardness that it almost eliminates the awkwardness altogether.

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