Blog Archives
Average New Year Resolutions – 2016 Edition
Last year we debuted our new year resolutions blog and right now, in 2016, we are back with the second installment. Without further adieu, here is our update from last year’s resolutions and our new ones for 2016.
Matt
2015 Resolution: Do more cartwheels
2016 Resolution: Watch more movies starring Nick Cage
2015 was the year of the cartwheel. I did cartwheels wherever I could (including someplaces I shouldn’t have) and whenever I wanted (most of the time I was a wee bit [blackout] drunk). I feel good about my cartwheeling shenanigans from 2015 so much that I am ready to move on to an even more important resolution, watch more Nick Cage.
Why, you ask? It’s simple. Say you’re in the mood to watch a movie, but you’re not sure which genre you’re feeling. We’ve all been there, a Netflix library full of flicks and nothing to watch. Ah, but there’s a solution. That solution is Nick Cage’s IMDB page. There you can find the movie that you so crave. Feeling the need for speed? Check out Gone in Sixty Seconds. Is a RomCom more your speed? Check out The Family Man. Feeling up for an adventure? The National Treasure movies or The Rock is sure to calm that twitch in your neck.
Ryan
2015 Resolution: Drink more pickle juice
2016 Resolution: Hold more babies
“Every different nation, Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican, Black, White, Cuban, and Asian.” Yes, those are the lyrics to ‘Miami’ by Will Smith and yes, that is my New Years Resolution. I don’t care what color or race a baby is, I want to hold it in 2016. I recently became an uncle, and the pure joy that babies bring to every environment is unrivaled. Unless you’re sitting next to a random crying one on a plane, babies kind of rule. They exhibit all the signs of adult drunkenness but don’t deal with any of the consequences. Stand up and immediately fall down? Cute baby. Throw shit around the house? Cute baby. Poop your pants. Cute. Baby. They’re living the dream, and I want a little bit of that sunshine in my life as much as possible this year. I believe my mentor Michael Scott put it best:
-Ryan
P.S. I wanted the Michael Scott clip where he talks about a baby being President but the internet is a cruel woman sometimes.
Twitter News Weekly – NBA Christmas, UPS , New Year Resolutions
Here are this weeks top stories!
NBA Christmas Jerseys
I hope they immediately took those Christmas day NBA jerseys from yesterday and threw them in a burning barrel. Awful
— nickcamp15 (@Elinapmac) December 26, 2013
I been hearing the NBA Christmas jerseys are an attempt to cover up tattoos. Huh? You gonna need turtleneck onsies to do that.
— Yo… What I Miss? (@Regulardave2975) December 26, 2013
NEXT YEAR THE NBA IS GOING TO HAVE UGLY SWEATER JERSEYS FOR CHRISTMAS
— кเภﻮк๏๔єאtђєﻮ๏๔ (@KODEYTHARULHAAA) December 26, 2013
UPS RUINED CHRISTMAS!
So what I’ve deducted from this whole “UPS ruined Christmas” thing is: Presents are clearly more important than being with your family.
— Peter J Doucette (@PeterJDoucette) December 27, 2013
So is Christmas no longer about the birth of Jesus, but instead about what you get in material objects? #ups #fedex #christmas
— Mark A. Goodman, ND (@MarkGoodmanND) December 27, 2013
Ups need to get there shit straight because people still waiting for their Christmas present
— Queen Danielle♡ (@DaddyCravens) December 27, 2013
Interesting New Year Resolutions
new years resolutions: get hot get rich
— Victooor. (@victor2raw) December 26, 2013
Getting the girls to set New Years resolutions for each other was a huge mistake. “Stop stealing our men” “Suck dick more often” 😭😂
— Za (@zvhxn) December 26, 2013
I’ve been working on my New Year’s resolutions. All I have so far is, “More Bagel Bites.”
— SeanBess (@SeanBess) December 26, 2013
-The Average Nobodies