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5 Stars From Last Night’s #Smackdown

Smackdown was live this week from Providence, RI, and whenever the WWE comes to town, you can be sure the Average Nobodies will be in attendance. Tuesday night was no different, and as usual, WWE put on a great live show. We got in there right about the start of Main Event, and even saw Finn Balor and Samoa Joe team up in some high quality NXT action. Let’s get to the 5 stars from last night’s Smackdown!

1. The Wyatt Family

The Wyatt Family opened up Smackdown with a promo, which is par for the course for Smackdown. But if you think I’m not going to give Bray, Luke Harper and their new Donald Gibb lookalike a star then you’re high. Having Wyatt influence people enough to join his family is such a long overdo character trait that it makes me furious it didn’t happen sooner. But it happened now, and although I’m 1000% sure that Braun is going to end up being just another obstacle Roman Reigns overcomes, my optimistic side says that this trio could finally get Bray into the title picture. It’s a goddamn shame that Wyatt has never held a belt in the WWE, especially when the IC belt is toiling away in obscurity with Ryback and Big Show punching each other for 7 minutes at a time. You’re telling me IC champion Wyatt wouldn’t have good to great matches and feuds with the Dean Ambrose/Kevin Owens/Cesaro’s of the WWE? It’d be money, and it would give the mid carders something to chase. Make it happen, WWE. Or just have Wyatt be the best character you’ve had in a decade lose every important match he wrestles.

2. Seth Rollins

Fresh off his US title win at Summerslam and beat down at the hands of Sting on Raw, Seth Rollins unfortunately didn’t wrestle on Smackdown, but he did cut one hell of a fiery promo. While most of his promos are long winded, my favorite part about the Seth Rollins character is that it comes from a very real place. Rollins does have a chip on his shoulder, he does think he’s underrated and he truly believes he’s ‘the man’. When he was in NXT, he felt that he should have been elevated to the main roster. When he was in The Shield, he felt like the spotlight should have been shined solely on him. Now that he’s WWE Champion, he believes people should bow at his feet and thank him for being in their presence. He’s sick of having his title reign questioned, and if he has to beat old man Sting to prove once again that he’s THE MAN, then that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Seth Rollins is at the top of his game right now, and if there’s one guy who can pull a main event match out of Sting at this phase of his career, it’s Seth Rollins.

3. The Dudley Boyz Make Their Smackdown Return

I’m not going to sit here and lie directly to your face and say I didn’t pee myself a little when the Dudleys showed up on RAW and decimated The New Day. It was probably in my top 3 as far as wrestlers returning to the WWE goes (other two that i’m still waiting for are Stone Cold and Mickie James [love me some Mickie]). So when I found out the Dudleys were going to be showing off those sweet camo pants on the Smackdown that I was attending, I got the sharpie out and made a “get the tables sign” (WHICH WAS SEEN ON SMACKDOWN). Was I a little disappointed they fought The Ascension? Yeah, sure I was. Did it matter? Hell no it did not, The Dudleys were going to put one, or both, of them through the table anyway. Bonus pee in my pants for The New Day coming out with hilarious signs protesting the Dudleys reappearance in the WWE. #GiveTablesAChance

4. Sheamus Working the Providence Crowd

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The WWE loves Sheamus. At first I didn’t understand why, but after a few years of matches and character changes I see it clearly, the guy is pretty much the total package. He’s big, he’s got “the look”, he speaks decent on the mic, he makes his opponent look good, has a shit ton of moves in his repertoire and he can deal with a tough crowd. On Smackdown, he had to continually deal with a hostile crowd that were chanting “You look stupid”, and while I agree with the Providence crowd, this can’t be an easy thing to deal with as a backdrop to your match. In-between giving Ambrose the beating of a lifetime, he would often look to the crowd and scream “no i’m not!”, which, if you ask me, is the perfect childish response you want from a heel. Great match by Ambrose and Sheamus.

5. Finn Balor and Samoa Joe

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Samoa Joe and Finn Balor teaming up in a tag team match against the Lucha Dragons was a nice added bonus for our night at the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence. The match was great, and Balor and Joe are a formidable team going forward (more on that in a bit). Sin Cara probably isn’t going anywhere past the Lucha Dragons, but if the WWE ever lets Kalisto let loose and become another Rey Mysterio, he’s going to blow people away more than he’s already doing now. The reason I mentioned Joe and Balor going forward, and the reason why this match was especially special (new phrase)  is because this ended up being one of the matches that decided what teams would participate in the Dusty Rhodes Memorial Tag Team Tournament that is going to be dominating NXT TV over the next few months. The tag team division is probably the weakest part of NXT, and that’s not a knock on the tag division, but rather it shows you how strong the rest of their show is. If you want to see the difference between NXT and WWE, just look at this move by Regal, HHH and whoever else had a hand in creating this tournament. WWE’s answer to a subpar tag division is to just run fatal four way after fatal four way tag team matches with the same teams. The only reason people are talking about the division at all is because of the wonderfulness of New Day and the PTP. Instead of doing that, NXT creates this memorial tournament, which gives EVERY NXT wrestler, including their champion Finn Balor, a chance to enter with a teammate and try to win it. Dusty Rhodes was the heart and soul of NXT, so from a real life and storyline standpoint, every wrestler on the roster has motivation to want to win this thing. We’re probably not there yet, but how awesome would it be to have a few women team up and get a couple victories? If you don’t want to see Charlotte tap out Mojo Rawley you might not have a soul.

-The Average Nobodies

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Buddy Cianci is Running For Mayor of Providence Again and He Already Has My Vote

Vote 4 Buddy Buddy Cianci, the twice-convicted felon who led Providence as mayor for 21 years, wants his old job back.

Cianci said Wednesday that he is running as an independent for a seventh term as mayor. The last time he won an election was 16 years ago — before he was convicted in 2002 of racketeering conspiracy for widespread corruption in his administration. He spent 4 ½ years in prison.

Cianci, 73, said he is not seeking redemption, but wishes to bring his experience and vision to the city to make a difference. He said Providence can’t afford to have a mayor who is getting ‘‘on-the-job training.’’

Making an announcement on his radio show, Cianci said that many people would call this an eleventh-hour decision, but that he decided to join the field after much soul-searching and reflection. He said he wants to rekindle the city’s ‘‘renaissance.’’

‘‘If the people don’t want me, they don’t have to vote for me. I realize I have baggage,’’ he said during a break in his show. ‘‘They know who I am. They know what I am. And they know what I’ve accomplished.’’

Cianci’s announcement came shortly before the 4 p.m. filing deadline; a surrogate filed his paperwork for him at City Hall. He will take a leave from the show and from his duties as a local television commentator during the campaign.

Cianci previously won office as a Republican and independent.

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Nice little feel good story to get your Thursday off to a roaring start. And if you think Cianci is losing this election you’re high. The guy is absolutely loved in Providence. And it might just take a 73 year old ex convict to have the vision to actually fix the fucking potholes in this city. The fact of the matter is all politicians are corrupt, especially the ones who serve six terms as Mayor; but the city thrived under Cianci and the people he served adored him. So he did a little racketeering – water under the bridge (stupid saying). Vote 4 Buddy.

– Ryan

Monsterblog Wednesday: Flair Bartending Routines

For those of you who don’t know what “flair bartending” is…   The Average Nobodies very rarely turn down a chance to drink during the week, so we attended the Flair Bartending Flip Out On Cancer charity event Monday in Providence, Rhode Island. The logic is simple: you pick a song or two and you bartend your ass off. While we were watching the competition, we thought we’d throw our hats in the ring and pick a few songs and create a routine in case there ever comes a day where we need to flair bartend to save our families from a Russian super villain bent on world domination.

Ryan

Flair bartending is all about energy, and with these two songs I’ll have it in spades. Return of the Mack will get the people on their feet and Dance With Somebody will literally have people dancing with each other. If you can’t jam to these two songs, you have no soul and I don’t want you apart of my flair bartending routine. Another good thing about these songs is that they will distract the audience away from my routine. A lot of the bartenders we saw were all hands and arms, so I’m thinking I use a feet heavy routine. Do people want their bartenders feet near their drinks? Probably not, but I’m the flair bartender and they’re not. At some point I’ll probably roll multiple bottles on the ground and kick them like a soccer ball. Add in a couple hip thrusts and some obscene gestures, and you have yourself one hell of a flair bartending routine.

Matt

From what I saw at the flair bartending event your music can make or break your performance in two ways: 1. The music doesn’t speak to your inner showman or show-woman and you come up short. Using the music to get the juices flowing is like a natural adrenaline shot to the heart. You ever hear about mothers that gain ridiculous strength to save their children? Well i’m pretty sure I could jump over a small building while listening to 80’s hair metal. and 2. The music doesn’t get the people going. Nothing’s worse than getting ready to perform something in from of some people and the crowd isn’t cheering your every move. Look back at some Stone Cold Steve Austin entrances. When that glass breaks there isn’t one ass in one seat in the whole arena! Handicapped sections included (if that’s terrible of me I am sorry, but I need to prove a point). That’s the kind of energy a flair bartending performance deserves!

Having said that, my choices were easy. I start off with some ‘Twisted Sister’ followed up by the ultimate party song, Cherry Pie. I figure I will use a lot of ice in my routine. Like throw it around and keep the eyes off the action at hand. That way I can lean on some simple bottle flips and cup twirls throughout my performance. Smoke and mirrors people, that’s the first rule of magic school. I also will be yelling pretty loud so that should create an additional distraction. Like so loud that people will think i’m hurt, but I won’t be..I think.

Side note: Veteran flair performer, Lauren, said that Cherry Pie is too slow of a song to flair to. I didn’t listen, so I could be off to an awful start to my flair career. I regret nothing.

-Matt

Frank Carpano Might Have the Best Reporter Warmup Routine in the Game Today

Rhode Island’s finest, everybody. That’s how the true pro’s get ready for live TV. Thumb to the face and tongue sticking it out like it ain’t no thang. I’m not 100% sure that we can rule out a stroke, but if it wasn’t then Frank needs to work on his game face. I know a Rhode Island college basketball team hasn’t been THIS good in awhile, but that’s no excuse. You’re better than this, Frank. Lock it up.

– Ryan

H/T Uproxx

Daniel Bryan Had the Dunk ROCKING!

Daniel Bryan tearing the roof off the Dunkin Donuts center after a face-turn like only he could. I’m pretty sure there is no one as “over” as he is in the WWE right now. Maybe Punk and Cena are close seconds, but that is it. Daniel Bryan is growing into quite the phenom in the wrestling world.

YES YES YES

-Matt

Beer Drinkers Guide to Beerfest

Beerfest came to our backyard of Providence, Rhode Island this weekend, and as an avid beer drinker, I was not going to pass up this opportunity. Here’s a guide (to the best of my recollection) to doing beerfest the right way.

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Although beerfest was nothing like the movie, it’s still a great time. It costs $44 at the door, which is basically stealing, because I felt like I drank $1,000 worth of beer. I’ve heard from a few people that they have a process when it comes to sampling beers, but my advice is to go to the tables with the shortest lines and try not to make a fool of yourself. Also, if Curious Traveler offers you a fake mustache, take it.

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If a company is smart enough to build taps into the side of a van, drink their beer.

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Never miss an opportunity to get a picture of a world class ponytail.

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Or a man wearing a wolf costume on the bus.

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The lesson of beerfest is that there are no winners or losers, just those brave men and women who throw their inhibitions to the wind and drink as much beer as they can in a three and a half hour time period.

And although a few wary travelers passed out along the way..

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..Jeff Green beating the heat ended the night perfectly.

 

– Ryan

Lady’s Apartment Catches On Fire, Then Cops Steal Her Pot

EAST PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — Authorities discovered four pounds of marijuana after firefighters put out a blaze in an East Providence providing.

The Providence Journal (http://bit.ly/1aiZAg1 ) reports that the fire broke out around 11 a.m. Tuesday in a three-story building that houses a liquor store and apartments.

Police Lt. William Nebus says firefighters discovered growing lights used for marijuana and called police.

Police say while some residents of the building had medical marijuana cards, they are only allowed to have up to 12 plants and 2.5 ounces each.

A 22-year-old woman was arrested. Her name was not immediately released.

Talk about getting kicked while you’re down. “Hey lady your apartment was on fire. Good news is we put out the blaze. Bad news is we confiscated all your weed.” Fire is bad enough. But if there is one thing that can turn a bad situation around it’s a boat load of weed. Pop in a few funny movies, eat your face off. Now she just has to sit in jail thinking about her burnt apartment and the weed that could’ve been. Hell on Earth.

– Ryan

Cheaters, A Rhode Island Institution, Is Closing

(Source) PROVIDENCE — A strip club where a missing Boston 15-year-old girl was found dancing in July is up for sale — along with the adjoining adult bookstore, strip club, gay bathhouse and “personal service club.”

Cheaters Gentlemens Club, at 245 Allens Ave., faces a possible closure by the city license board for hiring an underage girl and for the arrest of a dancer who allegedly solicited an undercover detective.

The big pink strip club is part of the “adult entertainment center” listed on stripclubs4sale.com with an asking price of $8 million. The ad says the business and real estate — strip clubs, bookstore, megaplex club, “personal service club,” and two vacant spaces — are valued at $11.23 million.

“This is an outstanding business opportunity that offers cash flow in excess of $2.5 million!”

The ad doesn’t give the exact location in Providence or reveal the names of the businesses, but the description only fits the Allens Avenue properties owned by H. Charles Tapalian and registered to him and his family: Cheaters, Studio 253, Mega-Plex, Adult Video & News, and The Body Shoppe, all listed at 245, 253, and 257 Allens Ave.

Tapalian refused to speak to a Providence Journal reporter Thursday regarding the sale.

The advertisement went up on July 22, a week before the police found an underage Boston girl dancing at Cheaters. The teen was accompanied by a Massachusetts sex offender, who the police say put her to work in the club and was acting as a pimp for her and another 15-year-old girl.

The Providence police say that the teen solicited an undercover detective — and a week later, on Aug. 8, one of the veteran dancers did the same, saying the fee was payable to her and “the house.”

Tapalain closed Cheaters the next day, and a sign was hung on the door that the club was “closed for renovations.” There are no recent permits for renovations at the property on file at the city Building Department.

The city license board is expected to hold a hearing on Cheaters on Sept. 16. Providence police Capt. Anthony Sauro said the police want the club shut down. He says the club violated state law and city ordinance by hiring an underage girl and violated the city ordinance against chronic nuisance properties.

Cheaters came under investigation in 2009, after a 16-year-old runaway from Boston told Providence police that she’d been working at the strip club. That led to a city ordinance and state law banning anyone under 18 from working in the adult entertainment business. Licensed establishments that violate the ordinance face fines of up to $500 for a first offense and up to $1,000 for subsequent offenses.

City Council President Michael A. Solomon, who sponsored that ordinance, plans to introduce legislation next week to require the sex businesses to get criminal-background checks on prospective employees to verify their ages.

Is nothing sacred? Cheaters is where dreams came true. I got my first lap dance there at 16 and I wasn’t even the youngest one there. That’s an important moment in a young mans life, and now you’re my throwing my memories in the trash. I’m legitimately heartbroken. Although I never knew they had a gay bathhouse on site. Turning down an offer from a stripper to head into the bathhouse now ranks pretty high on my list of things I’m glad I refused to do.

– Ryan

P.S. Imagine the surprise of the out of town businessman who reads that ad in the paper and shows up to Cheaters. I’ve heard you get syphillis just by looking at the stage.

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