Watch Richard Sherman Try To Give Clay Matthews An RKO In The Only Intersting Moment Of The Pro Bowl
The Pro Bowl was terrible and boring just like it always is, but thanks to Richard Sherman, we did get a few seconds of fun. After a play which saw Sherman line up as a wide receiver, he moseyed on over to the middle of the field and tried to hit an unsuspecting Clay Matthews with an RKO. For those of you who are not wrestling fans, an RKO is exactly what you just saw, except Clay Matthews would have laid flat out on his stomach and probably broke his neck since he was wearing a helmet. I still don’t understand how the NFL can mess up the Pro Bowl this badly, and it looked especially bad with the insanely fun NHL all star game going on at the same time. Damn you Roger Goodell. Damn you.
The Pro Bowl. What used to be a kind of cool tradition has turned into a popularity contest wrapped into 3 hours of “who gives a shit” television. Never fear! The Average Nobodies have a fix for this bore-fest. Here are our modifications to the Pro Bowl that will either end it abruptly or keep it going for years to come.
5v5 Flag Football
Each NFL team selects 5 players from either the starting lineup or their practice squad and heads to Hawaii for a little flag football tourney. Limiting injuries, while still making it fun is key to the Pro Bowl. “But Matt, the two teams that will be playing in the Super Bowl won’t participate.” That’s an easy fix. The two open slots will be filled by the two teams in the amateur tournament that happens the day before.
No run plays, only hail Mary pass plays, the flags are coated with pam cooking spray and touchdowns don’t count unless you do a 5 minute celebration dance. The refs are their to sign your touchdown points from a 1 to 10 scale depending on how good your celebration is.
You want to get the ratings up for the pro bowl? Make it like an athletic version of the purge. Make the tickets free for fans because if they go there’s a chance they’re gonna get murdered. 2 hours of pure mayhem, with each player getting to bring weapon to the dance. Most of these guys hate each other anyways, right? You’re telling me if Josh Norman brought a trident and Odell Beckham Jr. brought a grenade you wouldn’t tune into the Pro Bowl to see what happens? You may tell yourself you wouldn’t watch, but deep down you’re just as deranged as the rest of us. Also, ‘Guns’ Hochuli as the referee and when I say referee I mean hes just there to confirm the murders.
Apparently things have gotten so bad in MJD’s life that he felt the need to further bury his career by signing with Oakland. A 3-year deal with the Raiders? He might as well have signed his retirement form, if that is even a thing, if it isn’t then it’s like if he signed something like it. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist. Can’t blame the guy though. The “Jaguar way” has poisoned his mind. He is completely incapable of making a decision that will better his situation. The only player to ever escape Jacksonville’s grasp was Blaine Gabbert. He made it all the way west and is in a better place now. Maurice, I award you no points and may Al Davis have mercy on your soul.
The Good – Lavonte David
106 solo tackles, 38 assists, 6 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, one fumble recovery, and 5 interceptions. Lavonte David is doing things in his second year that most linebackers can only dream of. Yes, David has the stats but what I am most impressed with is the intangibles, the spark, that he brings to an often flat Buccaneers defense. This guy can blitz AND (I say “and” in capital letters because not many backers have both skills **COUGH COUGH Kuechly**) drop into coverage, blanketing some of the best over-the-middle receivers the NFL has to offer. He is always moving towards the ball and his incredible closing speed helps him get their and make plays. To say he was snubbed his first Pro Bowl selection this year would be an understatement. David is a brightly shining light in an otherwise flickering Bucs defense. Which brings me to “The Bad”.
“The Good” honorable mentions: Vincent Jackson, Jonathan Banks, Tiquan Underwood, The O-Line, and Gerald McCoy. Read the rest of this entry
Pro Bowl, you are playing with my heart. I am your biggest supporter, but you continue to fail me. You did switch to a fantasy style draft, which is awesome. I’ll give you that, but what were you thinking choosing these as the uniforms to be worn in Hawaii?! When I think Hawaii and the Pro Bowl I think “fun”. These jerseys look like the XFL is back (Sorry Vince, they weren’t ready). I really think that Roger Goodell is just a robot suit with David Stern on the inside fucking up all professional sports.
The once boring and unwatched Pro Bowl is getting an upgrade! Along with eliminating kickoffs and shortening quarter times, the Pro Bowl is going to add a fantasy style draft to the all-star game. This is the Pro Bowl that I have been waiting for! Maybe Doug Martin will be lining up behind Tom Brady this year? Who knows, a man can dream!
PS- Who can forget this awesome Pro Bowl moment, complements of Brian Moorman and the late great Sean Taylor. (And of course JR has to call it)