It’s officially Oscars season, baby! We’re back to write about the 93rd Academy Awards which will be held on April 25th, 2021, which makes it the latest date in the history of the show. Last year’s show was held on February 9, so it’s been almost 14 months since we’ve last had a taste of movie madness. And what a LONG 14 months it has been. The COVID pandemic has affected every aspect of our lives, and this year’s Oscars telecast will certainly reflect that. There is a bright side to the late date: the eligibility deadline was extended to February 28, 2021, which allowed films like Judas and the Black Messiah, Minari, and Nomadland to qualify. All three of those movies took advantage of the extended deadline and were nominated for Best Picture.
It wouldn’t be the Oscars without the speculation behind who is going to take home the major awards. The betting lines are fresh off the press so let’s take a look at some of the contenders and their odds to win.
Nomadland is a MONSTER favorite to win the top prize (more about that movie below in our writeups) with The Trial of the Chicago 7 and Minari sitting at a distant 2nd and 3rd. Nomadland director Chloe Zhao is also a big favorite to take home the Best Director award, but star and 2018 winner Frances McDormand currently trails Carey Mulligan (Promising Young Woman) and Andra Day (The United States vs. Billie Holiday) for Best Actress. In the Best Actor category, we have our biggest favorite of the night as it looks like the late, great Chadwick Boseman will receive a posthumous Oscar for his role in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.
Since talking movies is what we do best, lets take an in depth look at all the Best Picture nominees and give out our picks for some of the other major categories.
Sound of Metal
Synopsis: A heavy-metal drummer’s life is thrown into freefall when he begins to lose his hearing.
I watched Sound of Metal the day it started streaming on Amazon Prime and was absolutely blown away. I’d only known Riz Ahmed from the HBO mini series The Night Of so I wasn’t sure what to expect of him as a heavy-metal drummer who grapples with hearing loss. I’m happy to report that he is incredible. The movie as a whole is a marvel, and it’s one of the best movies I’ve seen in the last few years.
Writer/director Darius Marder delicately handles the freefall of Ruben’s (Riz Ahmed) life after his hearing loss diagnosis but he never asks you to feel sorry for him. Because of that, you empathize with the character and all of the decisions he makes, regardless of how crazy or self destructive they are. It was also refreshing to see a movie about a disability handled with this much care. Deafness isn’t something you see a lot of in Hollywood, but Marder deserves a ton of credit for his honest and heartbreaking depiction of it in this movie.
There are three excellent performances throughout: Riz Ahmed as Ruben, Olivia Cooke as Lou and Paul Raci as Joe. It came as no surprise that Ahmed and Raci were nominated for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor, respectively. It’s also no surprise that the movie was nominated for Best Sound, as the sound team did an incredible job showing the audience glimpses of what life would be like as our hearing was deteriorating. I don’t think the movie will win Best Picture, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they came away with a few golden statues in either of the acting categories or Best Sound. Available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Judas and the Black Messiah
Synopsis: Bill O’Neal infiltrates the Black Panther Party per FBI Agent Mitchell and J. Edgar Hoover. As Party Chairman Fred Hampton ascends, falling for a fellow revolutionary en route, a battle wages for O’Neal’s soul.
Thanks to the partnership between WB and HBO, I was able to watch Judas and the Black Messiah from the comfort of my couch. It turns out it didn’t matter where I watched it, because it is fantastic. The movie is filled with powerhouse performances: Daniel Kaluuya and LaKeith Stanfield will get most of the love as Fred Hampton and Bill O’Neal, but Jesse Plemons, Martin Sheen and Dominque Fishback were all great as well. Movies based on real life stories can sometimes fizzle out because you already know how it ends, but this film is so captivating and tragic that it doesn’t matter. I would watch Kaluuya and Stanfield ties their own shoes for two hours, so put them in a movie with a great script, director and supporting cast and you have movie magic. I don’t think this will win Best Picture, but with 6 total nominations (including Best Actor and Best Supporting for Kaluuya and Stanfield) I do believe they’ll walk away with at least one golden statue.
Synopsis: After losing everything in the Great Recession, a woman embarks on a journey through the American West, living as a van-dwelling modern-day nomad.
After watching Nomadland, I was texting with Adam (1/3 of the Average Nobodies podcast) and we both agreed that this movie was made to be nominated for Oscars. Similar to The Artist in 2011 and The Revenant in 2015, Oscar voters love a good arthouse flick (add in a bear mauling and you’re really in business). I did enjoy the movie and Frances McDormand was her usual ornery wonderful self as Fern, but it was my least favorite out of the films that were nominated.
The movie is GORGEOUS, and it’s a visual delight to watch Fern journey through the American West. I do believe the Directing and Cinematography nominations for Chloe Zhao and Joshua James Richards are well deserved, but there’s not a whole lot that happens in this movie. I understand there are those who can relate to the personal and professional loss brought on by The Great Recession, so perhaps I’m just too young to really connect with this film. It’s certainly not a bad movie, but I can’t wrap my head around it being a monster favorite for Best Picture. Available to stream on Hulu.
The Trial of the Chicago 7
Synopsis: The story of 7 people on trial stemming from various charges surrounding the uprising at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, Illinois.
Death, taxes, Aaron Sorkin writing great ensemble dramas. Those are the three things we can always rely on. Whether it’s A Few Good Men, The West Wing, The Newsroom, or The Trial of the Chicago 7, Sorkin knows how to write captivating dialogue. Throw in politics and a court case and you’re golden. I absolutely love Sorkin’s writing, and he picked the perfect cast of characters for his second directorial feature. Eddie Redmayne, Sacha Baren Cohen, Jeremy Strong, John Caroll Lynch, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Mark Rylance, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Frank Langella; in less capable hands, some of these performances suffer because of the depth of the cast, but not with Sorkin.
It doesn’t hurt that the real story of the trial and the events leading up to it still resonate today. You’d think that 50+ years of experience would allow for the police to handle peaceful protestors differently, but the scenes unfolding on the nightly news are eerily similar to what we saw during the summer of ’68. As much as I enjoyed this movie, I don’t think it wins Best Picture. I do think Sorkin double dips and wins Best Original Screenplay, just as he did at the Golden Globes. Available to stream on Netflix.
Synopsis: A Korean American family moves to an Arkansas farm in search of its own American dream. Amidst the challenges of this new life in the strange and rugged Ozarks, they discover the undeniable resilience of family and what really makes a home.
I absolutely adored Minari, and the movie took on a special significance with the horrifying increases in Asian-American violence in the United States. The story is told from the perspective of a Korean family moving from California to Arkansas in search of their own version of the American dream. It’s an incredibly moving film with great performances throughout, especially from Alan S. Kim, Young Yuh-jung and Will Patton (I’m a huge homer for Steven Yeun and he was also great in this). Although the acting is impeccable, the true star of the movie is the story. The American dream can be whatever we want it to be: a house on wheels, a farm, or something as simple as your family sleeping together on the floor. Minari showed us that love can overcome even the toughest of obstacles, and underscored the sacrifices so many people and families make in search of their dreams. Also, Glenn is nominated for an Oscar!
Synopsis: 1930s Hollywood is reevaluated through the eyes of scathing wit and alcoholic screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz as he races to finish “Citizen Kane.
When I first saw the trailer for Mank, I experienced the same feeling I described above when watching Nomadland: this movie was made for Awards season. You honestly couldn’t write a better script for the Oscars: a movie about the creation of one of the most popular movies of all time, ending with that movie winning an Oscar? As Tom Hardy’s Max Rockatansky says in Mad Max: Fury Road: “that’s bait”. While it’d be easy to write this movie off as simple Oscar bait, it’s clearly so much more. This was David Fincher’s love letter to 1930s Hollywood, and you’d need a psychopathic perfectionist like Fincher to be able to pull something like this off.
I really dug everything about this movie. The way each scene was introduced as if we were reading the script. The black and white. The pace of a Broadway musical. Fincher allowed the viewers inside the minds of those lucky and tortured enough to create Hollywood magic. Gary Oldman was fantastic as the tormented, quick witted Herman Mankiewicz. At first glance it might seem weird to cast the 63 year old Oldman as a young 40s Mank, but Mank was a world weary 40 year old due to his unstoppable alcoholism. Nomadland seems like the shoo-in for Best Picture, but I’m glad that Fincher and Oldman’s performances weren’t overlooked.
Promising Young Woman
Synopsis: Nothing in Cassie’s life is what it appears to be — she’s wickedly smart, tantalizingly cunning, and she’s living a secret double life by night. Now, an unexpected encounter is about to give Cassie a chance to right the wrongs from the past.
There’s a line towards the end of Promising Young Woman that summed up the entire movie for me: “You might be surprised to hear that gentlemen are sometimes the worst”. Cassandra (played ridiculously well by Carey Mulligan) is handcuffing Al Monroe (Christopher Lowell) to the bed at his own bachelor party and slowly explaining her sinister plan to him. It might have something to do with my specific taste in movies and TV, but the casting of all the male actors was spot on and relates back to that quote. When I think of actors like Adam Brody, Sam Richardson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and Christopher Lowell, I don’t think of assaulters or abusers. I think of The OC, The League, Veep, Superbad, and GLOW. Those actors who are typically cast in more lighthearted roles allow you to let your guard down when you see them on screen, and I have to assume that’s the point here.
Carey Mulligan is fantastic as Cassandra, a woman with a tragic past who refuses to move past it until she feels everyone involved pays an appropriate price. The supporting cast is also fantastic, with Alison Brie, Gabriel Oliva, Laverne Cox and Connie Britton joining the above mentioned actors. The soundtrack was spot on, and I have to imagine this is the first movie nominated for the Best Picture Oscar featuring a scene with ‘Stars Are Blind’ by Paris Hilton. In addition to Best Picture, Promising Young Woman was also nominated for Best Director (Emerald Fennell), Best Actress (Carey Mulligan), Best Film Editing and Best Original Screenplay.
Synopsis: A man refuses all assistance from his daughter as he ages. As he tries to make sense of his changing circumstances, he begins to doubt his loved ones, his own mind and even the fabric of his reality.
The Father is an absolute masterclass in acting, and it’s truly incredible that Sir Anthony Hopkins is still at the top of his game at 83 years old. I read this New Yorker profile on Hopkins before I watched the movie, and I have to imagine his mindset on performing helped him nail this role in which he rightfully earned his 6th (!) Oscar nomination. The movie is told from the perspective of Hopkins character (who is also named Anthony) as he struggles with memory loss. It’s very disorienting in a Twilight Zone-y way, but also makes the story and performances that much more powerful. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Olivia Colman’s performance as Anthony’s daughter Anne. It’s no longer a coincidence that everything Colman is in is great, and her performance in this movie was heartbreaking. Hopkins is a distant second behind Chadwick Boseman for Best Actor but he would be my pick to take home the golden statue this year.
Best Picture Nominees (Ranked)
- Sound of Metal
- Judas and the Black Messiah
- The Father
- The Trial of the Chicago 7
- Promising Young Woman
Our picks for some of the other major categories:
Ryan – Anthony Hopkins
Matt – Riz Ahmed
Ryan – Frances McDormand
Matt – Carey Mulligan
Best Supporting Actor
Ryan – Daniel Kaluuya
Matt – Leslie Odom Jr.
Best Supporting Actress
Ryan – Youn Yuh-jung
Matt – Olivia Coleman
Ryan – Chloe Zhao
Matt – David Fincher
Best Documentary Feature
Ryan – Time
Matt – My Octopus Teacher
Best Original Score
Ryan – Minari
Matt – Soul
Thanks for reading and we hope you enjoy the show on April 25th!
-The Average Nobodies
The night before the Royal Rumble is no longer the final day of preparation. Thanks to the success of NXT, fans now get an NXT TakeOver event that sometimes outshines the main roster PPV. While it’ll be tough to outdo the Royal Rumble, TakeOver does have a solid card set up. Let’s get to the preview and predictions!
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The Velveteen Dream vs. Kassius Ohno
This match was just added last night, and it’s between two guys who need a big win. NXT loves to back themselves into this corner, but I have faith the match will deliver. The build reminds me of Ohno/Itami, where Itami insulted Ohno, lost a match, then Ohno gave him the ‘I told you so’ treatment. Dream did that when Ohno lost to Gargano, then Dream lost to Gargano, then Ohno confronted him backstage and now we have a match. Dream had the match of the night with Aleister Black at the last TakeOver, so he has a lot to live up to Saturday night. The key for him is going to be avoiding the KO and using his athleticism to his advantage. I’m not sure how much longer Kassius is going to hang around in NXT, so I think Dream should go over here.
Prediction: Velveteen Dream picks up his first big win at an NXT TakeOver
Extreme Rules Match: Adam Cole vs. Aleister Black
NXT doesn’t usually venture into gimmick match territory for their TakeOver specials. That’ll change when Undisputed Era’s leader Adam Cole takes on Aleister Black in an Extreme Rules match. These two first squared off on the December 13th episode. Black defeated Cole in that match, earning a spot in the #1 contender Fatal Four Way. Cole took offense to not being in the match and more or less cost Black his chance at a title shot by attacking him. A few weeks later Black and Roderick Strong were challenging Fish & O’Reilly for the tag belts. Once again Cole interfered and cost Black a win.
Usually an Extreme Rules match would favor the guy who REALLY wants to hurt the other guy. While that would be Black in this case, the no DQ stipulation means that Fish & O’Reilly can interfere throughout.
The positive for Black: Undisputed Era has made A LOT of enemies. If Fish & O’Reilly interfere, don’t be surprised if Roddy Strong or Sanity come out to even the odds. Aleister Black is still undefeated in singles action, so this will be a very interesting outcome.
Prediction: Aleister Black
NXT Tag Team Title Match: Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish (C) vs. Authors of Pain
Remember when I said Undisputed Era has made a lot of enemies? Well none are more vicious and powerful than the Authors of Pain. The Authors were the most dominant team in NXT for a long stretch of time, and they’ll be looking to regain that distinction against the tag champs. The Authors don’t have as much experience as Fish/O’Reilly, but they make up for it in size and strength. They’ve beaten a who’s who list of all time NXT tag teams, including The Revival & DIY. Fish & O’Reilly have been more opportunistic than dominant, but they certainly know how to win. I do think that Black beats Adam Cole, which makes it hard for me to pick against the champs here. Undisputed Era has been impressive since debuting and I don’t think having all three guys lose at a live special is the right call. Plus, Authors of Pain need to be on the main roster wrecking people ASAP.
Prediction: Fish & O’Reilly
NXT Women’s Title Match: Ember Moon (C) vs. Shayna Baszler
Poor Ember Moon. She’s been a star in NXT since her debut, but could never win the big one against Asuka. Asuka moved to Raw still undefeated, but Ember continued to scratch and claw her way to the top. She competed in the Fatal Four Way match for the vacant title at WarGames and FINALLY won the title. How is she rewarded? A match against Shayna Baszler, who has been murdering women for weeks on NXT TV. Moon is definitely up to the task, but this is a hell of a first title defense.
The build for this match has been perfect. Ember is not only a fighting champion, but she’s a champion with a moral code. Shayna Baszler has been terrorizing the women’s division for weeks and the only person to stand up for the fallen has been Ember. Just like in the movies, the hero is only as good as the villain, and Shayna is one hell of a villain. I love that she has an actual MMA background, because it makes everything she’s doing seem a bit more dangerous. While Ember has the wrestling advantage, all it takes is one misstep for Baszler to apply the Kirifuda Clutch. If that happens Saturday night, Ember’s reign will be a short one. Shayna has a ton of potential, but Ember deserves at least a few successful title defenses.
Prediction: Ember Moon
NXT Title Match: Andrade Almas (C) vs. Johnny Gargano
It’s not often that the main event steals the show at TakeOver, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen in Philly. These two have already fought twice, including the off the charts match at TakeOver: Brooklyn. Interestingly enough, that match is what started Almas on his current hot streak. Since defeating Gargano in Brooklyn, Almas has been the star of NXT and enters TakeOver as the NXT champ. Gargano went in the opposite direction post Brooklyn and honestly owes his spot in the title match to a little bit of luck. Gargano was given a spot in the Fatal Four Way #1 contender’s match after Velveteen Dream was injured. To his credit, he earned the victory in that match, and now goes on to fight someone he has never defeated.
There are two people to remember heading into this match. Candice LeRae just signed with WWE less than two weeks ago. She is Gargano’s real life wife, and also someone who could even the odds if Zelina Vega gets involved. The other is Tommaso Ciampa. He was injured in May after turning on Gargano, and his expected return is early 2018. Last time I checked, it was early 2018, and what better time to return than when Gargano is in a title match? He’s also been selectively active on Twitter lately. IF Ciampa is healthy, NXT would be crazy to do anything but Gargano vs. Ciampa for the NXT title at the WrestleMania show. In order for that to happen, Gargano would have to win Saturday night.
Prediction: Gargano wins, Ciampa attacks post match similar to Owens/Zayn after Sami won the NXT title.
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Well, the day is finally upon us. WrestleMania 31 is this Sunday from Levi’s Stadium in California, and we have four hours of wrestling/sports entertainment to look forward to. Kings vs. Icons, Beasts vs. Juggernauts, Adam Rose and Zack Ryder in a Battle Royal; WrestleMania 31 pretty much has something for everyone. Like I’ve been doing before every pay per view, I’ll be previewing each match on the Mania card then giving my expert* opinion on who I think will win. Let’s get to it!
Fatal 4 Way Tag Team Title Match: Cesaro/Kidd (C) vs. Los Matadores vs. New Day vs. The Usos
Preview: Cesaro and Kidd have been the lone bright spot on the tag team scene recently, but it’s clear WWE thinks of the division as a wasteland of sorts. Los Matadores and The New Day spent the last few months losing to everyone under the sun, but are in a tag team title match at WrestleMania because…? I really can’t answer that question, and as bad as Los Matadores and New Day have been, The Uso’s aren’t that much better. You can’t have a solid tag team division with one good team, so unless the WWE revamps it’s current teams or inserts new ones, the tag team matches will be relegated to the pre show match on pay per views for the foreseeable future. In a perfect world the bell would ring and Natalya would power bomb El Torito through a table, then Cesaro and Kidd would massacre all three teams with a combination of swings, dropkicks and uppercuts. While that probably won’t happen, Cesaro and Kidd are the only hope of a tag team renaissance, so I’m going with them.
Prediction: Kidd & Cesaro, maybe pinning the other six guys at the same time. The only benefit of having a shitty tag team division is that it’s impossible for anyone to look worse by taking a loss in this match.
AJ Lee & Paige vs. Nikki & Brie Bella
Preview: Paige and Nikki Bella had the match of the night on Raw (don’t adjust your computer screens, you read that correctly) and I was hoping the teased tension between AJ and Paige would lead to a Divas Title match at Mania instead of the tag team bout, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. Ever since Give Diva’s A Chance started trending, it was clear that the WWE would be making the Diva’s division a priority, similar to how they are portrayed in NXT. It’s jarring sometimes to remember that NXT and WWE are pretty much the same company, and its sad that it took a worldwide hash tag for the higher ups to realize that women’s wrestling should be an important part of their show. This match is pretty much a battle of the internet’s darlings vs. WWE’s vision of women wrestlers. The Bella’s are pretty much models that have been trained to wrestle, while AJ and Paige are wrestling first Diva’s who most of the audience can get behind because the genuinely love what they do. While the Bella’s have made great strides (Nikki especially) in the last half year or so, they’ll never get the smart fans support over a Paige or AJ.
Prediction: I think AJ and Paige will continue to bicker which leads to a Bella’s WrestleMania win, and most likely a triple threat title scenario post Mania depending on NXT call ups.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Preview: While last year’s Battle Royal became a welcome surprise with Cesaro’s impressive win, this year’s build was lacking in a lot of ways. The only storylines going into the match is the tension between Miz and Mizdow and the Twitter feud between Adam Rose and Zack Ryder. The rest of the match is filled up by teams who didn’t make it into the tag team pre show match and big guys that WWE loves to use in Battle Royal scenarios like Ryback, Mark Henry, Big Show and Kane. WWE also hurt themselves by not pushing the winner of last year’s match, thus making it seem like nothing really changes if you win the Battle Royal. If Cesaro had been pushed and made into an important player following his win, then the winner of this match would be looking forward to something more than just a trophy. It’ll be interesting to see which NXT star gets a slot in this match, as whoever wins the battle royal at tonight’s live event will be awarded the spot. My money is on Adrian Neville, and if it is him, I hope they give him a mini showcase because his athleticism is unmatched. Sheamus is definitely returning at Mania, and I think it’s in this match, and that he may appear later in the show as well (hopefully not), so at least we have that to look forward to.
Prediction: Sheamus returns and wins, and hopefully we get some kind of payoff between Miz and Mizdow, which leads to a pay per view match(s) down the line.
Ladder Match For The IC Title: Wade Barrett (C) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Stardust vs. Luke Harper vs. R-Truth
Preview: Up until Monday’s Raw, this was the match with the best lead up. I think WWE played all their cards before Monday’s Raw, including the gauntlet match and 6 man tag, so by the time Monday rolled around they didn’t really have anything new to do. With that said, this match seems like its can’t miss. You have seven of the best young guys on the roster with something to prove going for a mid card title that desperately needs validation. You have perennial show stealers in Daniel Bryan and Ziggler, incredibly underrated workhorse Luke Harper, crazy man Dean Ambrose and two solid yet under appreciated guys in Stardust and Barrett. R-Truth is R-Truth, but he’s surrounded by the seven other guys, so I imagine they’ll be able to cover for him. If the WWE is serious about elevating the mid card belts, then Bryan has to win here. Of the guys with an actual chance of winning, he’s the only one who hasn’t had a long reign with a mid card title. Ziggler and Barrett have had the IC belts before and couldn’t elevate, and Ambrose had the US belt FOREVER and couldn’t elevate that. Give the strap to Bryan, and use the next 6 months to a year feuding him with any of the other guys in this match and you’ll have a revitalized IC division.
Prediction: Daniel Bryan, as long as WWE conceals it’s hard on to feud Sheamus with DB and have him cost Bryan the match.
Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Previw: This is the only match on the card where I’m 100% certain the young up and comer will win against the veteran. With Cena/Rusev, Wyatt/Undertaker and Lesnar/Reigns, it’s not certain if any of the young guys will actually win their match, but I think Rollins does here. Orton already got his revenge on Rollins a few weeks ago with that long brawl to end Raw, but now he wants to ends ‘the future of the WWE’ for good. I just think Rollins has too many weapons at his disposal. He’s a superb wrestler, and all it takes is one distraction from J & J Security or any other member of The Authority and Orton will be eating a curb stomp. Rollins and Orton are pretty evenly matched, and I know this match is going to deliver, and it might not be the last time you see Seth Rollins make an appearance on the show.
Prediction: Rollins wins via some kind of distraction from The Authority.
United States Championship Match: Rusev (C) vs. John Cena
Preview: The internet is just waiting to explode after this match, but the way WWE has set it up, it’s almost impossible for John Cena to lose. I disagree with the build, and the result of their match at Fast Lane, but it’s time to face the facts: John Cena is winning the US title at WrestleMania. Before I get into whether this loss will crush Rusev, let’s look at the positives here. John Cena is not in the main event or the WWE championship picture, which is always a breath of fresh air. If he wins, Cena becomes the US Champ, and he elevates the title more than anyone else has in the recent past. Depending on how good Rusev looks, Cena beats an unbeatable villain, which is pretty much what his character has been about since he won his first title from JBL at WrestleMania 21. Cena got choked out at Fast Lane, choked out on Raw and has let down America while Rusev has continued to stand tall. In the world of pro wrestling, this feud has to culminate with the good guy winning on the biggest stage. Unfortunately for us, the good guy here is John Cena because America and little kids says so. As for Rusev, a loss here to the pretty much unbeatable Cena isn’t the worst thing IF the WWE handles it properly. If Rusev loses, he should destroy everyone in his path post Mania and beat Cena clean somewhere down the road to regain the title. If they handle Rusev like they did Wyatt last year, having him only settle the score with Cena by outside interference and children singing then he’s in trouble. I’ll wait and see what happens with Rusev before I judge this match, but I’d bet my house on Cena leaving Mania with the US title
Prediction: John Cena wins, the American flag is somehow involved and Rusev retreats to the back a broken man.
Sting vs. HHH
Preview: This is one of those weird matches that I can’t wait to see but at the same time don’t care about the outcome. Neither guy at this point in their career is going to be affected by a win or a loss, but it’s still going to be cool to see Sting have his WrestleMania moment. Besides Wyatt and The Undertaker, Sting’s entrance is the one I’m most looking forward to. The WWE is the king of revisionist history, and since they won the Monday Night Wars, what they say happened, happened. Sting was the franchise guy in WCW, but by the time the company was bought out in 2001, the ship had been sinking for a long time. HHH is pretty much the last guy standing from the Attitude Era guys of the mid to late 90s, so it makes sense to have him be the one to confront the outsider Sting. We know HHH can still go, as he had one of his best matches ever last year vs. Daniel Bryan, and from the little we’ve seen of Sting in a WWE ring, it looks like he’ll be just fine Sunday too. I can’t imagine this feud lasts longer than Sunday night, which makes it a little more interesting considering how serious WWE takes itself when it comes to beating WCW.
Prediction: As I said before, the outcome of this match should be an after thought; Sting is getting his WrestleMania moment, which he deserves. I think Sting wins, and HHH continues his losing streak at WrestleMania.
Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker
Preview: First off, holy hell what a promo video by the WWE. Even when they’re at their worst, they are the absolute best at hype videos. Now, onto the match. Win or lose, I think this is the feud that keeps Wyatt in the main event scene for years to come, which is funny because The Undertaker hasn’t even shown up yet. Wyatt has literally carried this feud with his promos, and capped it off Monday night on Raw with one of his best promos ever, seemingly summoning The Undertaker’s supernatural powers and once and for all declaring himself the New Face of Fear. I’ve written about this before, but this is unchartered territory for The Undertaker. He’s never re appeared in the WWE after a WrestleMania loss, so it almost makes this match impossible to predict. It’s anyone guess as to how he’ll look, and even though we’ve seen pictures of him training, it still remains to be seen how much he’ll be able to do in the ring. It says a lot about how the WWE views Wyatt that they’re putting him in a marquee matchup with ‘Taker, and I think this is where Wyatt gets the WrestleMania moment he should have gotten last year. I understand Cena winning this year, as you’ve got the built in storyline of America vs. Russia, and his win could actually do a lot of good for the mid card division, where as last year’s win vs. Wyatt did nothing for him. I think Wyatt becomes the modern day Undertaker, and his coronation ceremony will be Sunday night.
Prediction: The Undertaker passes the torch to Bray Wyatt, and we officially have a new face of fear.
WWE Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Roman Reigns
Preview: Ever since Brock announced on Sportscenter Tuesday night that he’d be staying with the WWE, I’ve been tossing this match around in my head. If Brock left, Reigns would win, and the WWE would be in a big mess. Reigns is a future star, but I don’t think the future is this Sunday. Now that Brock has re signed and actually come off as a likeable guy, he’s going to be immensely cheered on Sunday, which leaves only a swarm of boos to greet Roman Reigns as he enters from the crowd (or a helicopter, fingers crossed). There’s a few ways this could go down, and I’ll start with the least likely and end with the most likely. Brock eviscerating Reigns a la Cena at Summerslam, continuing to be the most dominant champion in modern history. I can’t see this happening because it wastes the build up of Reigns, and immediately knocks him way down the card. Same goes for Reigns murdering Lesnar. Having him cake walk through your most dominant champion of the modern era will not only make the fans turn on Reigns, but it discredits all those who Lesnar beat as well. Heyman turns on Brock to help Reigns win. As cool as that would be, with Brock sticking around for a few more years, I can’t see Heyman swerving Brock this early into his new contract, but it’s definitely a possibility. Brock wins clean, and Seth Rollins cashes in his MITB briefcase. Rollins has had his briefcase long enough, and unless they’re planning a Ziggler type cash in the next night on Raw, I think he does it Sunday night, which leads me to my prediction for the main event of WrestleMania 31:
Prediction: Reigns takes a beating, but ultimately beats Brock for the WWE Championship. Rollins cashes in and you have the built in feud of former Shield buddy’s duking it out for the world title. The loss sends Brock on a war path and creates new and exciting feuds for the Beast Incarnate. I think Rollins cashes in to end the show, and it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened to either Brock or Reigns, but for the sake of making a pick, I’m going with Reigns.
Every WrestleMania, our friend creates a special WrestleMania sheet that makes things a little more interesting. The gist of it is everyone puts in $5, and you pick who you think is going to win each match and how that person is going to win. 1 point is awarded for each correct answer, with two possible points available for each match (For the Battle Royal and Ladder match, you get 2 points for picking the winner, since there’s only one way to win). For example, if you pick Sting to win via pinfall, and Sting wins via pinfall, you get two points. At the end of the show you tally up the points and the person with the most points wins the money. If you’d like to play along, you can check out the sheet at this link: http://bit.ly/1EYx3sa
We’ll be tweeting along with all the action this Sunday @averagenobodies. Give us a follow and enjoy the best night of the year.
The 2015 Royal Rumble is live on the WWE Network this Sunday in Philadelphia. As evidenced by Monday’s Raw in Dallas, a show is always better with a hot crowd, and Philly has always been known to bring their A game for big time shows. The Rumble is a unique pay per view, because it usually has two main events, and this Rumble is no different. This year’s event is headlined by a triple threat match for the WWE Championship and the Royal Rumble match itself. Let’s get to the preview and predictions!
Pre-Show: Tyson Kidd, Cesaro & Adam Rose vs. The New Day
I’ve never had such a ‘heart vs. brain’ debate for a pre show match like I do with this one. Like the rest of the WWE universe, I’m going to pretend Adam Rose doesn’t exist, but my heart is pulling for Kidd and Cesaro. There is no logical reason for them to win: they are two super talented guys thrown together as a tag team making the best of their situation, even though they’re paired up with a grown man who just got out of a feud with a bunny. The New Day just isn’t working as a hand clapping, sing along, matching outfit trio, but that doesn’t mean with a little tweak it can’t be effective. I’m just not the kind of guy who’s going to root against Kidd and Cesaro.
Prediction: The New Day, because we can’t have nice things.
Paige & Natalya vs. The Bella Twins
I’m glad that this is a tag match, because with the two main events most likely eclipsing 90 minutes of ring time, there wouldn’t be enough room on the card for two divas matches. Nikki Bella is the Divas champion, but Paige arguably has the most momentum going into this match, and at some point the Bella’s will be splitting up again. No time like the present.
Prediction: Paige and Natalya, with Paige pinning or submitting Brie Bella.
The Ascension vs. The New Age Outlaws
I loved this segment from Monday’s Raw. The Ascension have been coming out for weeks and disrespecting classic tag teams, so when you have three of those tag teams in the same building, why not have them get a little revenge. I read a few Raw reviews that didn’t like this because The Ascension are young and The Outlaws are old, but here’s what happened: Ascension were outnumbered 7-2, they didn’t back down, and they got beat up a little by a team who were tag champs just last year. Now they get a two on two fight at the Royal Rumble and have a chance to beat an established tag team. Who else on the current roster could give The Ascension the ‘rub’ that the Outlaws can? WWE has messed up their tag division so bad that their aren’t any good teams for The Ascension to beat and look important.
Prediction: The Ascension. If the Outlaws win, disregard that last paragraph and the WWE are idiots.
Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (C) vs. The Miz & Mizdow
This feud could end at the Rumble or literally last forever. Either one wouldn’t surprise me. One of the Usos pinned Miz clean rather easily on Raw, and Miz and Mizdow teased some strife on Smackdown, so perhaps the Usos will retain and my long nightmare of the Usos as a tag team will continue. I would love to see Mizdow’s fake tag titles return, but I just don’t see it happening here. See above for how bad the WWE tag team division is, so even if Miz and Mizdow lose, I’m not sure who’s up next as #1 contenders. All I know is I’d rather set myself on fire than watch an Usos/New Day feud.
Prediction: The Usos retain, and we all die a little inside.
WWE Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
Thank the good Lord that HHH put Seth Rollins in this match, because I don’t know if I’d be able to watch the third John Cena/Brock Lesnar match since August. This match could go a few ways. Firstly, John Cena is in the match. so there’s always that 99% chance that he’s going to win, especially with WrestleMania coming up. Secondly, you have Brock Lesnar, who we know is under contract until WrestleMania, and who is coming off his most dominant performance since Summerslam on Monday’s Raw. Third, you have the wildcard, Seth Rollins. I think Cena’s chances of winning, and the result of the Rumble match, hinge on WWE’s plans for Rusev. If Cena is next in line to face Rusev, then he probably doesn’t win here. Same goes for Daniel Bryan’s chances of winning the Rumble. If Bryan is up next for Rusev, then he probably doesn’t win the Rumble. Of all the three in this match, Cena, as always, has the best chance of winning. The theory of Brock retaining makes a lot of sense due to his contract status. Why keep Lesnar around for the next 2+ months unless you have him as your champion? Although he doesn’t appear on WWE TV as often as Cena or Rollins, his performance on Monday night gives him an incredible wave of momentum going into the Rumble. And then there’s the wildcard, Seth Rollins. I don’t think Rollins wins this match outright, but with that MITB briefcase in his possession, he could cash in after the match is over. Not to be overlooked is Paul Heyman, who many feel could switch allegiances and side with Rollins either before or after Lesnar’s WWE run is over.
Prediction: Brock retains, pinning Cena. Rollins cashes in on Brock, setting up a potential 3 or 4 way match at WrestleMania with the winner of the Rumble and possibly Cena. I can’t see Cena not being involved in back to back WrestleMania’s without being in the main event of either.
The Royal Rumble Match
This is a three or four horse race, so I’ll go over a few things I’m looking forward to and then break down who I think has the best chance of winning.
- Damien Mizdow eliminating himself (or not) after The Miz is eliminated. Mizdow has turned this throw away character into gold, and there aren’t many more ways he can imitate The Miz. I can easily picture a scenario in the Rumble where Miz is eliminated and Mizdow toys with the crowd and asks them what he should do, before eventually getting thrown out by someone else. This continues the dissension storyline and puts Mizdow over even more.
- Bray Wyatt’s entrance. A lot of the internet seems to have given up on Wyatt, but not me. He’s still young, he’s still unique and he’s finally on some kind of winning streak. While his momentum has wavered in the past, his “fireflies’ entrance has always been awesome. I’m expecting him to be #1 or #2 so we can get the full entrance.
- Kofi’s Rumble elimination spot. He’s not announced as an official participant yet, but he better be in the Rumble. Why else is he on the god damn roster except to find creative ways to avoid elimination and then get immediately eliminated? Don’t crush my dreams, WWE.
- The surprise entrants. I’m hoping they’re limited to 1 or 2, but a couple surprise entrants always makes the Rumble more fun. Orton? Bo Dallas? DDP? Sheamus? RVD? Ok, maybe more than one or two are ok.
I think the top four guys who have the best shot at winning are Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose & Randy Orton (if he returns). Reigns is most likely the favorite, but as I stated above, I think Daniel Bryan wins unless his next feud is with Rusev. If the WWE wants to do Rusev/Bryan at WrestleMania, he’s not winning, so if you’re a Daniel Bryan fan, hope WWE decides to go with Cena for Rusev’s next feud. Ambrose needs some momentum, and if Rollins somehow steals a win in the title match, any kind of reincarnation of the Ambrose/Rollins feud is ok in my book. If Orton returns, he’s returning to the main event scene, so you can’t rule him out, but he’s probably the least likely of the four.
Prediction: Daniel Bryan. The only way to top last year is to win the Rumble and beat all the top guys in the main event at WrestleMania. I think Bryan starts his redemption story Sunday night.
WWE TLC is this Sunday. We have a ladder match. We have a tables match. We have a chairs match. We have a stairs match. We have a tables, ladders, chairs and possibly stairs match. There’s 9 matches on the card (including the pre show) which seems kind of bloated, so hopefully the key matches get enough time to shine. As always, you can watch this show on the WWE Network. It’s no longer free, but at $9.99 it’s an incredible bargain. After last nights incredible NXT show, WWE better bring their A game Sunday. Let’s get to the preview and predictions!
The New Day (Kofi and Big E) vs. Gold and Stardust
How the mighty have fallen. Gold and Stardust have gone from feuding with The Authority to getting re packaged to winning the tag team titles to fighting The New Day on the pre show. I don’t mind The New Day, but a gimmick with three guys dressed in the same outfits jumping up and down and clapping is not going to work in 2014. I think they’d have a lot better chance of succeeding if they made Xavier Woods the mouth piece manager with an edge and let Kofi and Big E do their thing in the ring. Unfortunately for Gold and Stardust, their job seems to be to elevate The New Day.
Prediction: The New Day, with hopefully something other than a high cross body from Kofi.
Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (C) vs. AJ Lee
I don’t want AJ to lose, because searching for AJ Lee gifs is always a bright spot in my day. But Nikki has been fun to watch since her impressive showing at Summerslam, and something tells me that there’s more to Brie realigning with her sister. AJ is kind of in a rut, as creative really has nothing for the majority of the Divas, but at least she has a match on the card.
Prediction: Nikki Bella wins, which would essentially move AJ Lee out of the title picture. I think Brie stays obedient to Nikki throughout her next title defense (Paige?) but then we get a Bella vs. Bella feud heading into WrestleMania. It’s weird typing that sentence and not getting angry, but that’s what happens when Brie and Nikki put some work into their characters. It makes the audience want to see them on screen.
Chairs Match: Ryback vs. Kane & Stairs Match: Erick Rowan vs. Big Show
I’m lumping these two together because they are the exact same match that will have the exact same result. The only difference is one match has ‘stairs’ in the title and one match has ‘chairs’ in the title. Rowan and Ryback are getting the baby face push, and I’m genuinely excited to see what Rowan can do. I think we’ve already seen the peak of Ryback, but with Bryan, Reigns, Orton, Sheamus and Barrett all out, it can’t hurt to give him another push. At this stage of their careers, Big Show and Kane are just names there to help elevate guys who need to be elevated. Part of me really hopes Rowan comes down to the ring holding stairs and just launches it at Big Show for a 10 second TKO.
Prediction: Ryback wins with a chair shot. Rowan wins with a stairs shot. Riveting stuff ladies and gentlemen.
US Championship Match: Rusev (C) vs. Jack Swagger
Side note: how can you note love Rusev? He’s CRUSHING TETRIS. Anyway, the WWE needs to be careful with the way they handle Rusev. There are only so many patriotic storylines you can run before the crowd gets tired out of it, and I think it’s time to move past the Rusev hates America story. There has to be more to his character than that. Let Lana cut promos that are more anti crowd than anti American, because it’s limiting who his opponents can be. Rusev/Swagger was hot fire over the summer, and I’m sure this match will be good, but there isn’t another WWE superstar you could’ve brought in to fight Rusev? There’s this guy named Cesaro who wasn’t even on fucking Raw that you could get some airtime and a four star match out of, but no, let’s do Rusev/Swagger again.
Prediction: 1 million % Rusev. If he loses here, the WWE should just pack up their stuff and call it a day.
Tag Team Championship Match: Miz & Damien Mizdow vs. The Uso’s
I love what they’re doing with Damien Mizdow, and while I’d love to give credit to WWE creative, part of me thinks this has a lot do with how good Damien Sandow is at his job. Miz is the best he’s maybe ever been, as he’s a natural as being a jerkoff. Mizdow continues to not only gain a ton of support, but also find new ways for us to love him, like his handstand Monday night:
On the flip side, I have no idea why The Uso’s are fighting for the titles AGAIN, but I assume the same guy that made that call also had Swagger come back and fight Rusev AGAIN. Get ready for a lot of jumps and leg slaps.
Prediction: The Mizdow train shouldn’t slow down anytime soon, so I think the champs retain.
Ladder Match For The IC Title: Luke Harper (C) vs. Dolph Ziggler
This is my 1a choice for match of the night. Luke Harper was the best wrestler in the Wyatt Family, and just because he has the curse of the IC title doesn’t mean that has changed. Dolph Ziggler is the best thing going for the WWE right now, especially after his performance at Survivor Series. Add in the ladder match stip and you have all the ingredients of a show stealer. The only question is where does the loser go from here?
Prediction: Luke Harper retains. WWE plays too fast and loose with the IC title, so I’d like to see Harper hold onto it for a while. Ziggler will look strong in victory or defeat, because that’s what he does, but where does he go from here? He’s already lost the title to Harper, and losing again in a PPV rematch should signify that he needs to move on. Since he’s not taking Rollins or Cena’s spot for a shot at the World Heavyweight title, I wouldn’t mind seeing him eye Rusev in Rusev’s first feud that isn’t centered around him fighting someone who has to defend America.
TLC Match: Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose represents the ants in this scenario
This is my 1b choice for match of the night. No one on this card needs a clean, decisive win more than Bray Wyatt. The good thing about this being a TLC match is that it guarantees a winner by pin fall or submission. No cheap DQ or count out wins. No post match schmoz. Just two guys beating the holy hell out of each other. I’ve really enjoyed this feud since Survivor Series, and Ambrose destroying Wyatt’s rocking chair and getting the better of him Monday leads me to believe Wyatt is going over here. Wyatt winning clean is the main reason why I loved this pairing from the beginning: Ambrose is one of the only characters on the show that doesn’t miss a step when he loses.
Prediction: Bray Wyatt wins. Maybe they fight again at the Rumble, or maybe Bray starts another feud. All I know is I sincerely hope the rumored Bray/Undertaker WrestleMania match is true.
Tables Match: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
This one is tough for one reason: it’s a tables match. If this were any kind of match that had to be decided by pin fall or submission I’d bet my grandchildren’s trust funds that Cena would win. But whenever there’s a stipulation that involves Cena losing and then him coming out the next night to tell everyone how he got screwed, I tend to lean towards his opponent. Remember the MITB ladder match for the briefcase with Ziggler? AJ Lee costs Cena the match and the briefcase, Dolph wins and looks good and Cena loses but doesn’t get pinned or submit. I could see a similar scenario here, except for one other reason: the winner fights Brock Lesnar for the title. The WWE loves having the same person or persons either fighting for the titles or continually feuding with the same person for months at a time (see Lee, AJ; Usos, The; Swagger, Jack). The worst part is Rollins winning makes so much sense. Not only do you have a fresh contender for Brock, but if Rollins loses, guess what? He still has the MITB briefcase, aka a guaranteed title shot whenever he wants. Lesnar and Rollins tear the house down at the Rumble, Brock goes over and looks like the monster he was at Summerslam. Rollins looks like a bigger star because he just went toe to toe with the CHAMP, the same champ that ended the Undertakers undefeated streak and murdered John Cena at Summerslam. OR
Prediction: Lesnar vs. Cena Part IV.
The latest NXT live special, NXT Takeover R Evolution, is tonight at 8pm on the WWE Network. It’s no longer free, so if you enjoy great wrestling, do yourself a favor and fork over the $10 to watch this show. Picture a place where everything you want to happen on Raw happens, except the wrestling’s better and the storylines are more personal. Takeover R Evolution is headlined by a title vs. career match, plus the much anticipated debut of a future star. Let’s get to the preview!
Kevin Owens Debuts
I wanted to give Owen’s debut it’s own spot because this a big deal. I’ve blogged his vignettes that NXT has been airing for the last three weeks leading up to tonight, and I’ll say it again: no one has a better back story before their debut than Kevin Owens. All his peers have made it to the big time while he had to keep fighting for recognition, and now is his chance to prove to everyone that he’s right where he belongs.
Prediction: I’m not sure what part of the show Owen’s will debut in, but if I had to guess, it’d be during the Zayn vs. Neville title match. There’s no one better to pair Owen’s up with than Zayn, as they have a built in chemistry from their days on the independent circuits. The stipulation for the title match if that if Zayn loses, he quits, so it’s more of a self imposed stipulation rather than one that forces NXT to let him go if he loses. I can easily see Owens debuting to cost Zayn the title, and Zayn sticking around to get revenge and finally obtain that killer instinct that has alluded him for his NXT run thus far.
Hideo Itami & Finn Balor vs. The Ascension
This is going to be a showcase match for Balor & Itami, and I can’t wait for it. The one thing I hope WWE is careful with is bringing in these already established stars and changing them up too much. WWE has it in their head that the “WWE way of wrestling” is the best way and that’s not always the case. They needed guys like Daniel Bryan and CM Punk to come in and make the grappling look more realistic, and that’s exactly what Balor and Itami can do as well. I’m torn between whether this will be a squash match or if The Ascension will be booked strong as well, but either way, the result will be the same.
Prediction: Balor and Itami get a strong win over established guys, and The Ascension are now that much closer to debuting on the main roster, hopefully revitalizing the still stagnant tag team division. If you’ve never seen Balor or Itami fight before, prepare for a great, stiff match, with a lot of kicks and a lot of action. Also, Finn Balor has promised something new and different for The Ascension tonight. Please let it be the body paint.
NXT Women’s Title Match: Charlotte (C) vs. Sasha Banks
Up until Raw, I was 100% confident that Sasha Banks would win this match, and that Charlotte would be debuting on the main roster soon thereafter. Then the atrocity that was the Charlotte vs. Natalya match happened on Raw, and it looks like they’re going in a different direction. People who blog about wrestling on the internet tend to be incredibly negative, and I try to stay away from that, but what was the point of having Charlotte lose like that on Raw? I’m assuming they put their NXT Women’s Champion on Raw three days before the live special so people who don’t normally watch NXT could watch her and be enticed to watch her again on Thursday. Why the hell would anyone want to watch Charlotte fight on NXT after seeing her get rolled up in 2 minutes on Raw? It’s not like she lost to the Divas champ, either. She lost to Natalya, the same Diva she’s already beaten in NXT. It’s mind blowing WWE would mess that up that badly, and it looks like they’re going to keep Charlotte down in NXT longer, since the vibe she has now is that she can’t hang in the big leagues yet.
Prediction: Charlotte wins, and looks strong as I think Becky Lynch will play some kind of role in this match. Bayley has the “leg injury”, but she could also come into play as well. If I’m writing NXT, I want my Women’s Champion to look as strong as possible after what happened on Raw. If she’s not coming up to the main roster soon, Charlotte should win this one.
NXT Tag Team Title Match: The Lucha Dragons (C) vs. The Vaudevillians
The Vaudevillians have all the momentum going into this match, thanks to the short film they aired on NXT that depicted the mini Lucha Dragons dying in an atomic bomb type explosion. It’s glorious, and if you haven’t seen it yet please watch the video above or basically any promo or vignette that involves The Vaudevillians mocking The Lucha Dragons. While the general rule in wrestling is whoever has the momentum going into the match usually loses, I think The Lucha Dragons are in trouble here. They’re exciting to watch and great in the ring, but The Vaudevillians are one of the best things going right now in NXT. Everything from their entrance to promos to in ring skill is clicking, and I think it’s time to reward them.
Prediction: We have new NXT Tag Team Champions. I’m not usually a fan of continually having the title change hands, as The Lucha Dragons have only been champs a couple months, but I think it’d be foolish not to ride the wave of momentum The Vaudevillians are currently on. I enjoy The Vaudevillians entrance so much that I’m always satisfied with their matches anyway, but I’m really hoping for a title change here.
NXT Title Match: Adrian Neville (C) vs. Sami Zayn
Quick recap: Sami Zayn is on his redemption tour, including recently being named NXT superstar of the year. He’s the most well rounded superstar in NXT right now, and he was a three count away from winning the NXT title, except he let his emotions cloud his judgment and instead of finishing off his opponent (Neville), he went to check on his injury, got rolled up and lost the match. The biggest storyline this year for Zayn has been “is he willing to do what it takes to be the top guy?”. Does he have that killer instinct that all the top superstars have had that not only got them to the top, but kept them there. I think the answer is yes, but there are a lot of factors at play here. The career vs. title stipulation, Owen’s impending debut, and most importantly, WWE’s plans for both Neville and Zayn going forward. As I stated before, Zayn has said he’ll quit in he loses, but I have to imagine that if Owens debuts and costs him the title, he’ll stick around to feud with him.
Prediction: It may be the most obvious, but I think the best outcome is Kevin Owens debuting and costing Sami Zayn the title which Neville retains. It benefits all parties involved: Neville stays in NXT as their champion, as I think he gets lost in the shuffle if they bring him up to the main roster now. Owens debuts and is introduced to the NXT audience and immediately put into a storyline that he knows he can thrive in. Zayn finally snaps after losing yet another big match, and he finally gets the edge he needs through his feud with the monster Kevin Owens.
I’ll be on Twitter tonight @averagenobodies tweeting along with the show. Hopefully you check it out because NXT will absolutely deliver a killer show.
The 2014 version of WWE SummerSlam is headlined by champion John Cena defending against The Conqueror Brock Lesnar. While this feud is being used to sell SummerSlam, there are a lot more matches on the card, including two Divas bouts. If you’re into betting on wrestling (you’re insane if you are) here are our picks for tonight’s event.
Cesaro defeats Rob Van Dam in the Kickoff match. WHY IS CESARO IN THE KICKOFF MATCH!?
Dolph Ziggler defeats The Miz to win the Intercontinental Championship. Ziggler’s ascension continues
Stephanie McMahon defeats Brie Bella
AJ Lee defeats Paige and my heart gently weeps
Bray Wyatt defeats Chris Jericho CLEAN FINALLY (hopefully)
Seth Rollins defeats Dean Ambrose with the help of some evil lumberjacks
Randy Orton defeats Roman Reigns with a hopefully cool counter RKO. Reigns is turning into the tan Sheamus and a win here will only make things worse.
Rusev defeats Swagger in a flag match. Zeb Colter tells us he’s been faking it all along and is actually a beautifully in shape 25 year old man and stops Rusev from desecrating the American flag post match. Also, Lana’s legs.
Brock Lesnar defeats John Cena to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Maybe. Or Cena wins. And nothing matters any more.
Don’t forget to follow us @averagenobodies. We’ll be live tweeting the whole show.
– The Average Nobodies