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040 Game of Thrones S7 E1 – Dragon Stone

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006 The Doctah Talks Coconut Oil, Porn, and Writing His Own Book

The Doctah makes his appearance on the show as our first ever special guest! He talks everything from his porn site, Smileforthecum.com, to coconut oil and how to live forever. The internet isn’t ready.

8-Year-Old Finds Porn On Nintendo System He Got For Christmas

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A Hampton, Va., father wants answers after his 8-year-old son discovered porn on a Nintendo handheld gaming console that he got for Christmas. Tom Mayhew told Virginia TV news website WAVY that his son and some otheryoung children discovered pornographic stills on the gaming system when he was playing with it Christmas morning. – HuffPost

 “The Time For Giving”, indeed. I guess this is just Nintendo’s way of telling its customers “welcome to manhood, here is some porn”. For fathers on Christmas the only thing more inconvenient than installing batteries and putting together toys is have a premature “birds and bees” talk.

-Matt

TNW – Jenna Jameson, Kanye & Kim, and Brandon Meriweather

– The Average Nobodies

What’s the Smallest Amount of Money You Would Accept to Direct a Porno

(Source) “An adult film company is offering Miley Cyrus a million-dollar porn deal to get behind the camera and direct a XXX flick.

GameLink, an online adult store founded in 1993 that dubs itself one of the “leading international online retailers of adult entertainment,” wants Cyrus to direct a porn flick for a cool $1 million, according to TMZ. The company called her an “empowered” and “unapologetic” woman, who could use this opportunity to really show the world she’s “not a little girl anymore.”

In a letter sent to the singer’s camp Oct. 9 and obtained by TMZ, GameLink wrote: “We believe that as an empowered 21st century woman, you are the ideal choice to show the world your vision as an artist in the world of adult entertainment. GameLink would like to offer you the very lucrative opportunity to direct an adult film, giving you full creative control, for ONE MILLION dollars.”

Reps for GameLink and Cyrus were not immediately available for comment.

This isn’t even the first time the pop star has been offered a gig in the adult industry. Last year, after Cyrus filmed the music video for DJ Borgore’s “Decisions” featuring porn star Jessie Andrews, Sex.com offered to compensate her “extremely” well if she agreed to film a softcore girl-on-girl make-out session with Andrews.

She didn’t bite.

Whether Cyrus would actually take the most recent deal seems highly unlikely. She certainly doesn’t need the money and directing porn probably wouldn’t add to her artistic credibility.

Still, the “Wrecking Ball” singer does have a penchant for shocking people and she has some experience in the NSFW realm. Aside from her naked, sledgehammer-licking performance in the video for “Wrecking Ball”, Cyrus also posed for a series of risque photos for photographer Terry Richardson.”

 

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This a million dollar question, pun intended. Obviously no sane person would pay a normy like me $1M to direct anything, nevermind a porno. I’m also not what you’d call a financially savvy human being, so I can’t put my artistic heart and soul into something for free. Directing a porno seems like a pretty ideal job with a lot of leeway. I’ve never watched a porn and said to myself “great editing job”. The lowest fee I’d accept would depend on a few things.

1. Who is in this porno? If it’s a lezbo porno, my price is dropping dramatically. If its not, and I have to stare at some guys dick all day, the price has to at least double. Are we talking mainstream porn stars, i.e. Tori Black, Melanie Rios, Tiffany Thompson, etc. or is this some awkward amateur shoot. These are the important questions.

2. Who is paying me? Is this a legit shoot with a solidified company such as Brazzers or Vivid? If so, my price is pretty low, because once they see my technique, they’ll be begging me to do more. If it’s a low on the totem pole type of company, I might be able to trick them into paying me more.

3. Now comes the most important question: am I allowed to choose my own porn name. I don’t care how much money a porn company is offering, if the opening credits don’t say “Directed by Bubba Hump” then I’m not your guy.

All things considered, I’d lowball myself at $100. I consider that stealing candy from an obese baby if I get to watch my favorite porn stars do their thing live and in living color.

– Ryan

P.S. If Miley accepts this their is no chance she doesn’t get involved on camera. You can only cage the beast for so long.

Classic Google Search “Mixup”

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Michele Catalano was looking for information online about pressure cookers. Her husband, in the same time frame, was Googling backpacks. Wednesday morning, six men from a joint terrorism task force showed up at their house to see if they were terrorists. Which prompts the question: How’d the government know what they were Googling?

A family spending some down time on good ‘ol Google get pinned for being terrorists. I’ve seen this story 100 times…wait…no I haven’t.  Ok, this is getting ridiculous. You’re going to sit there and tell me this is the best way to catch a terrorist? By looking at what people search on Google? Let me tell something, you are going to get some pretty strange combinations out there.  I mean, imagine doing this in a college neighborhood? Google search history: How to make Ramen Noodles, porn, porn, wikipedia, porn, spark notes, porn, porn, wwe, espn, porn.  All you would find are porn addicted plagiarizers. Government, breathe in deep, and take another crack at it.

-MattyV

PS- To test this out I am going to have my roommate search “places to buy harpoon guns” while I search “endangered species habitats” in the other room.  PITA is going to burn my house down.

PSS- Search history on a friends’ phone (no lie): “Danny Trejo’s net worth, Miley Cyrus tits”. One right after the other. What do you think’s going on at his house? Crack that code.

The Four Types of People You Follow On Twitter

Four Types of Twitter Follows

I have a confession to make: I love Twitter. It’s Facebook’s cool, hot cousin and it’s taken over the world. You can’t turn on a show without seeing each person’s twitter handle flashed beneath their name plate. While Twitter is mostly a positive thing, it does have one major drawback: anyone can tweet. Personally, I like to follow a lot of celebrities and professional wrestlers, which most of the time is really cool, primarilly because of the chance to interact with people who you would normally only be able to watch on TV. For every John Krasinki and Aaron Paul, there are thousands of keyboard warriors who ruin my day. With that said, here are the four types of people you follow on Twitter.

Celebrities

(Actors, Athletes, Musicians, Comedians) – Love ’em. I’m a huge movie, TV, sports fan, so to to be able to see celebrities interact via social media has always seemed cool to me. It almost feels like I’ve entered their inner circle, and I’m step one away from Clooney’s fancy, skinny dipping parties. I rank the celebrities slightly higher than my friends, mainly because celebrities post pictures of their yachts in Cabo and my friends post pictures of each other sleeping. (FYI: Clooney and Bill Paxton don’t have Twitter, and no I’m not ok with it.)

Stage 1 & 2 Friends

96% of my Twitter followers are people I’ve met at some point in my life. (the other 4% are sex bots) I’m not a complete savage, so naturally I follow some of those people back. Stage 1 friends are the people I associate with on a day-to-day or at least semi frequent basis. Then you have the Stage 2 or outer crust friends. These are the people you see at a bar on a random Friday night and they say “it’s been too long” but in the back of your mind your thinking even if you lived to be 500 years old it would be too soon to see them. Most of them live the same life as me, and I’m sure they’re just as bored with my tweets as I am with theirs, but without them, my @ tab would never have a down arrow. Celebrities may be cooler, but friends are more important (Clooney and Bill Paxton once again are the exceptions)

News-Breakers

Not quite celebrities, definitely not friends. But an integral part of your Twitter life nonetheless. Adam Schefter may be a midget, but on draft day, he’s the tallest man in the room. Consistently breaking NFL related stories before all the major networks (including his own). Depending on the season, this type of tweeter could potentially sneak into my top spot. Whether it’s movie news (indiewire) wrestling news (ewrestling) or random celebrity insanity (TMZ), the news breakers will always hold a special place in my peanut sized heart.

Porn Stars

I had to seperate the porn stars from the celebrities. Now when I first started following porn stars on Twitter, I expected them to be like everyone else. Do they get stuffed up for a living? Yes they do. But I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and asssumed their tweets would be just like any other self respecting actress. Boy was I wrong. Some of the filthiest shit I have ever seen in words has come from the fingers of one Bibi Jones. Oh you can’t find a decent guy? Maybe don’t tweet about jamming objects into every hole of your body next time. (Keep tweeting nude pics please)

Are there more than four types of people on Twitter? No.

Ryan

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