Blog Archives
You’ll Be Fined $500 If You Live in Rhode Island & You Don’t Rake Your Leaves Because Everyone Is Apparently Insane
Wait, What – Pine needles belong in the forest, not on a neighbor’s lawn, according to a Rhode Island lawmaker who wants to compel residents to trim unruly twigs and trees.
The state Senate passed a bill Tuesday that would require homeowners to prune their shrubbery and trees or face a $500 fine if plant litter lands on someone else’s property.
The bill’s sponsor, Democratic Sen. Frank Ciccone, said he introduced the legislation after listening to concerns about pine trees from residents in his Silver Lake district of Providence.
Pine trees are “nice in the forest, nice in certain areas, but they shed these pine needles and sap onto adjacent vehicles and driveways,” he said.
Senators voted 26-6 to pass the bill that would require homeowners to maintain and control any debris created by a tree or shrubs if it causes a nuisance to an abutting property owner.
It’s nice to see that in times like these, where the American people might have to choose between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton for President of the god damn United States, that RI politicians are focusing on the important things. The important things, in this particular situation, are pine needles and leaves. What’re we really doing here? Is this the apocalypse? I always thought it would be fireballs and chaos, but maybe it’s Donald Trump as President and getting fined if you don’t rake your leaves. Who’re the people who are REALLY complaining to politicians about pine needles? They’re not toxic waste. If you don’t like them on your lawn, pick them up. If you can’t muster the strength and energy to pick them up, hire a landscaper. I’m not going to pretend to be into politics and list a bunch of issues that are more important than this, but when pine needles a priority, there is something wrong.
-Ryan
Netflix Must Watch – Gore Vidal: The United States of Amnesia
They probably could’ve picked a better screen grab for the trailer
I’ve been on a documentary kick for the past 25 years or so, and last night I stumbled upon the United States of Amnesia, a documentary about renowned author Gore Vidal. A documentary about an author and casual screenplay writer might not be your idea of a good time, but I implore you go to give this one a shot. Gore Vidal is hands down the most interesting person I’ve ever learned about. He associated and/or was friends with, in no specific order: Tennessee Williams, Norman Mailer, Truman Capote, Paul Newman, Tim Robbins, Sting and pretty much every other famous Hollywood or literary name from the mid to late 20th century. He was also one of the most intellectual men in modern history, especially when it came to politics, and he matches his intellect with a wit that is impossible to steer away from. The documentary is made up of interviews with Gore himself, both semi modern day (he died in 2012) and from his past, as well as interviews with his contemporaries. He basically predicts 9/11 and what has happened since, and his views on women’s liberation, religion and equal rights were so far ahead of his time it’s incredible. Take an hour and a half out of your weekend and check out this documentary. It’s well worth it.
– Ryan
Monster Blog Wednesday – Hypothetical Countries
The great countries of the future won’t be Russia or Japan or the US. They’ll be the NEW countries created by future generations. With our genetics and the advancements in modern science, the Average Nobodies plan on living to at least 200-250 years old. That should give us plenty of time to develop a new country that will challenge any world superpower. Any powerhouse country needs a plan, fancy flag, motto, animal and food and beverage. That’s where we come in.
The Land of Ryan
Motto: To be the man, woooo, you have to beat, the man.
National Animal: Rhinoceros
National Food & Drink: Meatloaf and Arnold Palmer’s
The Land of Ryan is like The Land of Oz except it’s completely different. We’re stationed on planet Earth, right in between Italy and Denmark (my geography is rusty). The occupants of The Land of Ryan are a simple people, a noble people. Our cars operate on beer and our chief export is wrestling action figures. Rhinoceros roam free, which makes The Land of Ryan consistently dangerous, but on the bright side, we have a lot of meatloaf and Arnold Palmer’s. We’re not modern day Switzerland, but we try to get along with everyone, except of course, the creatures of Colonizar. They can go to hell.
– Ryan
Colonizar
Motto: To Infinity, and Beyond
National Animal: Chimpanzee
National Food & Drink: Tang and freeze-dried ice cream
Colonizar means “Colonize” in Spanish. You probably will recognize Colonizar on a U.S. map. It is a large southeastern peninsula located on the continental United States that was once filled with crazy people. Yes, Colonizar is located on the land that was once the sunshine state, Florida. After President Schwarzenegger awarded me the land (He owed me one) I immediately got to work on fulfilling our country motto. I establish Disney World as the capital and setup shop at the Vieira Space Center (Kennedy has no meaning in Colonizar). Chimpanzees were the first animal in space so naturally they are our countries national animal. Chimpanzees are so loved in Colonizar that they almost outnumber people 3 to 1 in the capital, which is fine, because they are more helpful, and smarter, than the workers we adopted.
We are a nomadic people that look to the stars as a way of expansion…and a way to get away from the leftover Floridians. We have two foreign policies: 1) We don’t deal in money. If we want something we trade for it. Wheeling and dealing is kind of our thing. And 2), Land of Ryan is filled with a bunch of jerk faces that will not be able to ride into space with us.
-Matt
