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If I Told You A Man Was Banned From Ordering Pizzas, What State Would You Guess He’s From

FLORIDAWhat would you have to do for a judge to issue a ban on you ever ordering pizza? Randy Riddle of Sebastian was charged with four counts of harassing phone calls, two counts of first-degree petty theft and one count of second-degree petty theft, after he allegedly making multiple harassing calls to two pizza restaurants. A police investigation states Riddle made orders and refused to pay for them, directed delivery people to fake or vacant addresses, and made calls to the businesses just to tell them their pizza was gross. Over a three week period, Riddle used five different phone numbers, false names and even refusing to give his name at times. He also made repeated calls to Sebastian police, Sebastian City Hall and the state Department of Health to complain about the restaurants. Riddle made bail with the strict instruction from an Indian River County judge to not call the businesses for delivery. This isn’t the first time Riddle has been accused of making harassing phone calls, he was convicted for the same crime 8 years ago when he lived in Vero Beach, police said.

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The dog chef GIF doesn’t have anything to do with the article, but I stumbled upon it and I had to use it. I’m not a monster. Anyway, Florida – you sweet, sweet bitch. I heard this story on the radio this morning and didn’t hear the part about where the guy was from, but I should’ve known it was Florida. Only someone from Florida would continually harass a pizza joint, of all places, until the police were forced to intervene and not only arrest him, but ban him from ordering pizzas. I’m not going to lie, that sentence might be worse than death. I don’t order pizzas all the time, but knowing you have that option in your back pocket can be a life saver sometimes. Taking that away from me is basically taking away one of my constitutional rights and turning me into a savage. The best (?) part is that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. He is a habitual pizza place harasser. I don’t know how you land on that as an obsession, but I think we should keep an eye on this guy. If he can’t harass pizza parlors, there’s no telling what he’ll end up doing with all that spare time.

-Ryan

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San Jose PD Used A Robot To Deliver A Pizza To Talk A Man Out Of Killing Himself

Pizza—in all of its deeply-beloved, circular, iconic, cheesy, perfect-in-every-way glory—is the key to (almost) anyone’s heart. We love it, we eat it all the time, we worship its creation, we can’t say no to it. And apparently, that principle applies even when you’re quite literally teetering on the precipice of imminent suicide.

Police are only human. They have their fair share of problems, certainly, but they also share the same needs and desires as the rest of us. Which is why last week, when a man in San Jose, CA was threatening to throw himself from an overpass onto the freeway in a suicidal exhibition, the cops busted out the best idea they could think of: sending a robot to bring the man some pizza. -Munchies.vice.com

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I think an awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize is in order. What progressive thinkers we have over at the San Jose Police Department! We need to take this story and learn from it, build from it, evolve from it. Is Barrack overseas doing peace negotiations with North Korea? Bring a pizza and have Kim Jong Un swooning. Dealing with inner-city gangs? Send a few pies their way and I guarantee they will trade their knives and gats for cheese and peps. As a society we need to realize that the healing powers of the magic circle of dough and sauce is a real thing. So that you all know that I am truly committed to the pizza movement, I will only be eating Papa Johns for the rest of my life.

-Matt

Zach Braff & Donald Faison Will Make Pizzas For Any Gay Weddings That Want Them In Indiana

Zach Braff and Donald Faison have that ideal friendship that you never thought would exist between two co-stars in real life, and they both seem like pretty great guys as well. The state of Indiana, on the other hand, is embroiled in turmoil over it’s new Religious Freedom law, and pizza joints have already come out and said they will not cater any gay weddings. Besides the fact that gay couples aren’t clamoring for pizza themed weddings, it’s kind of shocking that people and companies STILL have these beliefs in 2015. But if they don’t want to make money or pizza for gay weddings, Zach Braff and Donald Faison will. I really hope that if they do make pizzas for a wedding, they deliver it on that boat. A+ effort.

– Ryan

H/T UPROXX

This Lion King Inspired Pizza Sign Is THE Best Sign You Will See All Day, Month, Year, Ever

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This picture was originally shared back in December on Reddit and it’s sincerely one of the most creative signs at a restaurant I’ve seen in quite some time. First off you have the Lion King reference, which hits people in the nostalgia bone 10 out of 10 times. Then you take the iconic Rafiki/Simba scene and turn it into restaurant magic. I love this sign, and I want to know where it is so I can drive or fly or run there and buy some pizza. I don’t care if it tastes like dirt, this establishment deserves my money.

– Ryan

Somebody Give This Pizza Delivery Guy a Raise

If third story pizza throwing ever becomes an Olympic sport, we know where to look for a team captain. Love the dedication. Love the effort.

– Ryan

Matt’s Super Bowl Preview – Papa John vs Richard Sherman

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It has all come down to this! #1 seed vs #1 seed, best vs best, a power house defense, vs arguably the best offense to ever grace a football field. This is the type of Super Bowl we wish for every year. BUT, while the headlines read “Broncos vs Seahawks”, I see something very different.

Papa John vs Richard Sherman

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Behind ever successful quarterback there is an evil genius. Troy Aikman? Jerry Jones. Tom Brady? The Hooded One. Peyton Manning? ……Papa John. Papa John is the evil genius whose Idea it was to bring Peyton to Denver in the first place. (or so I speculate) Together they have pretty much monopolized Pizza and scoring touchdowns. But they have a weakness…

Which Brings me to my next point.  Sherman, if you’re reading this, I know Papa Johns weakness. Just send him a case of beer and tickets to see Louisville. Self implosion time!

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American Pride Flows Through Dough and Cheese

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“Proud to be an American” pizza boxes are as American as you can get. Love the statement these boxes make. “Do you love your country? Yo do? Well, here’s a pizza, my friend.”

God Bless America! Cue the music!

-Matt

PS-

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John Stewart HATES Chicago-style Pizza

In one of my all-time favorite John Stewart rants, the smartest funny-man in the world tears Chicago, and deep dish pizza in general, a new one.

And well…Chicago didn’t like it too much.

Which brings me to my next point. John Stewart and the Daily Show is one of the best places for news and entertainment on TV. Always witty, always current, and always funny.

-Matt

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