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Jimmy Fallon’s Throwback Thursday: Real People, Fake Arms With Seth Rogen

When Seth Rogen is involved in a sketch, you kind of have to expect marijuana to be involved and SURPRISE this sketch takes place at a marijuana dispensary. This is part one of a two part sketch, so will part two be featured next week? Yes. The answer is yes.

– Ryan

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Monster Blog Wednesday: Best Jimmy Fallon Skits

It’s no longer a contest: Jimmy Fallon owns the sketch portion of late night TV. I still prefer Conan in the monologue, but whether it was Late Night with Jimmy Fallon or The Tonight Show, Fallon consistently delivers funny and creative skits. Here are a few of our favorites.

The Evolution of Dad Dancing – Late Night

Kind of an under the radar skit back from Fallon’s Late Night days. I think I like this skit so much because this is 100% how I dance at the bar. I get a couple of drinks in me and I’m out on the dance floor makings things happen. I gotta say Jimmy Fallon absolutely nails all of these moves. I usually start off with the simple “clap when you want to” which immediately turns into the “clap and shake” which lasts the rest of the night. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no, it is not very impressive, but it’s all I got.

– Ryan

Real People Fake Arms – Late Night

Real people, fake arms, is gold for two reasons: Jimmy Fallon and Steve Carell. I don’t think it is physically possible for Jimmy Fallon to keep a straight face during a skit, and you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Carell, always professional, and Fallon always laughing. I bet by now you are probably screaming at the computer screen, “what about JUSTIN?!” Come on people, do I really need to point out how awesome JT can be in a comedy sketch? Does a dog need to be taught how to bury a bone? Does a bird need to be reminded how to fly? Does Bill Paxton need to prove he discovered the Titanic? No, the answer is no.

-Matt

People Walking in the Streets Are the Worst Part of a Snowstorm

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Why? Why do so many people walk in the street during a snowstorm? The roads are already narrow enough because 99% of plows do a terrible job. Now I have to dodge adults and children who think it’s a smart idea to walk in the street while cars are sliding out of control? I don’t think so. Either drive your car to work or stay in your house. Don’t walk around the streets and pretend it’s a Winter Wonderland, because it’s not. It’s Hell on Earth. I gotta go to work.

– Ryan

McDonald’s Hates Elderly People

Source – McDonald’s are at war with a group of elderly gentlemen who spend sunrise to sunset hogging booths at one New York restaurant, often sharing little more than a small bag of fries between them. 

Staff at the branch in Flushing, Queens are becoming increasingly frustrated with the Korean pensioners who pass hours gossiping at the tables but buying very little. 

A manager said they have been forced to call the police to move the gentlemen on as they are driving away business with customers wanting refunds when they have nowhere to sit.

One of the gang of seniors, Man Hyung Lee, 77, told the New York Times that he was enjoying a coffee at the restaurant earlier this month when police officers told him to leave. 

The elderly gent said he was undeterred by the law enforcement intervention. He said: ‘They ordered us out. So I left. Then I walked around the block and came right back in again.’

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This seems a little ridiculous. It’s not like these elderly people are taking up prime real estate in a 5 star restaurant. It’s a McDonald’s. You know, the place where you get 20 pieces of chicken for $8. And since when did McDonald’s clientele become so uppity? Demanding refunds because they don’t have a place to sit? Have you seen the picture of the frozen McRib? You’re literally putting your life at risk inhaling that shit. I’m sure it wouldn’t kill you to walk around a little while eating it, either. On the flip side, these elderly people chose an odd spot for their daily hangout. I have to imagine New York has a library or something where they could all hang out and talk. I still have to side with the elderly here, though. McDonald’s needs to know their place in the food game. Hating on old people isn’t a good look.

– Ryan

P.S. McDonald’s is my least favorite fast food place. Out of the major chains, it goes Taco Bell, Wendy’s, BK, starvation then McDonald’s.

A 600 Person Brawl On Christmas As the State of Florida Refuses to Go Quietly Into the Night

Source – Five teenagers were arrested when a 600-person brawl broke out in a Florida movie theater’s parking lot on Christmas night.

Described by police as a “melee,” the fight occurred around 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday outside the Hollywood River City 14 movie theater in Jacksonville when a group tried to storm the theater’s doors without purchasing tickets, police said. Several had rushed an off-duty police officer working as a security guard.

The officer “administered pepper spray to disperse the group, locked the doors and called for backup, following protocol,” said Lauri-Ellen Smith, a spokeswoman for the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.

Soon after the pepper spray was used, “upward of 600 people moving throughout a parking lot about the size of a football field began fighting, disrupting and jumping on cars,” she said.

Sixty-two police officers were called to the scene to break up the brawl, “sequestering them and separating them,” Smith said.

Only minor injuries and damage to property were reported. No gunshots were fired, according to Smith.

All five of the people arrested on the scene were charged with crimes related to fighting. Three of those arrested, including one minor, were charged with felonies. Two other juveniles, who have not been named by police, were charged with misdemeanors.

Tevyn Alonza Davis, 19, was charged with resisting arrest and breach of the peace. Jaquade Marquis Miller, 18, was charged with fighting and resisting arrest. Khalil Ahmad Bradley, 17, the only minor charged with a felony, was arrested for resisting arrest, refusal to disperse and breach of the peace.

Davis and Bradley each “took a fighting stance” when confronted by police and told to leave the area, according to arrest reports. Miller, too, “took an aggressive stance” when told by police to leave the parking lot.

According to the movie theater’s website, the cinema was showing “Tyler Perry’s A Medea Christmas,” “47 Ronin,” “Grudge Match,” “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” along with several other movies.

Oh Florida. There are just so many aspects to this story that I love. Teenagers storming movie theater doors so they wouldn’t have to pay for a ticket. Kids fighting cops. 600 people who have nothing better to do on Christmas night than fight in a movie theater parking lot. My question is what were the people storming the movie theater doors going to do if they actually got past security? Did they think they would be able to just watch Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas? Did they think security was just going to tip their hat and let them walk out of there? Poor planning on their part. Everyone knows you have to utilize the 3 for 1 special. You suck it up and pay for one movie, then hop from theater to theater to watch the other two. Not in Florida. In Florida you storm the movie theater and start a massive brawl. I had a feeling we’d hear from the craziest state in the world before the new year, and they did not disappoint. Beethoven had symphony 9. Florida now has their Christmas brawl.

– Ryan

Granny Has Some Serious Rage Issues

Right off that bat I would like to say how underutilized “Wanker” is as an insult. So degrading, especially with an accent. Secondly, how crazy is this old broad? Certifiably crazy, and I like every second of it. All you need is a little GTA V to unleash all that anger you had bottled up for 96 years.

-MattyV

Matching Up Playing Cards with Human Personalities

In every group there are bound to be varying personalities. Here are my playing card equivalents. Try to match up your friends and families to one, or more, of the following!

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1.) The Full Deck

This deck can be assigned to the most “normal” of the group. Always on time, smooth to the touch, clean cut, ready for anything, and can turn a dull moment into party city. Full decks can often be the most outspoken of the group, and have the mental capacity to back it up.

i.e. George Clooney is a “Full Deck”

2.) House Party Deck

This deck is slightly off. It might be a few cards short of the full deck, but who cares when you’re playing drinking games so much that you can’t see the table anyway! Fun, carefree, broken in, this deck can be the focal point of colleges parties and pre-game warmups.

i.e. James Franco is a “House Party Deck”

3.) The Wildcard Deck

The wildcard is the guy or girl who cannot be trusted with anything. Yea sure, they appear to be playing with a full deck, but then BAM, they deal out the jokers and steal money from your grandma.

i.e. Gary Busey is a “Wildcard Deck”

4.) The Insane Wildcard Deck

Take the “Wildcard Deck” and add in a little, or a lot of crazy. With this deck, not only are you playing with the jokers, but the sick son of a bitch left the instruction card in the shuffle as well. Don’t try to decipher what they are saying, just re-shuffle and move on.

i.e. Amanda Bynes is a “Insane Wildcard Deck”

5.) The Weathered Deck

Like an old couch, this deck is sturdy, sticky, and rough around the edges. Always reliable and fun to be around.

i.e. Betty White is a “Weathered Deck”

6.) Uno!

You want to play hi-low jack, but all you see is colors, shapes, and arrows. This deck can’t read.

i.e. Kim Kardashian is a “Uno Deck”
-MattyV

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