Your Average ‘Money in the Bank’ Preview
Money in the Bank is live from Boston this Sunday, and the Average Nobodies will be there. Look for the 8 very inebriated guys wearing ref shirts and screaming obscenities while children look on in horror. Rusev/Big E and Summer Rae/Layla are rumored to be game day add on’s, but for the love of Bill Paxton, please no. Just send Lana out to warm up the crowd because we likey, but leave the other four in the back. Here are our predictions for the pay per view:
<Paige (C) vs. Naomi
For whatever reason (not enough TV time, not enough talent) the Diva’s division has been the weak link in the WWE for a long time. With the mini resurgence of the tag team division, and legitimate stars like Bad News Barrett and Sheamus holding the IC and US titles, the Diva’s division is low on the totem pole by a large margin. With AJ Lee seemingly not returning anytime soon, it’s up to this current crop of Divas to lead the charge. This should be a fun, quick match: Paige has been impressive when given enough time, and Naomi is the most athletic Diva when she’s not busy getting her eyeball kneed into her brain. WWE has been teasing a Funkadactyls breakup for a few weeks now, so we can see Cameron costing Naomi the match here and Paige retaining.
Goldust & Stardust vs. Rybaxel
Say what you will about Stardust, but he’s different. The most common complaint among WWE fans is that wrestling is too predictable and boring, and now that we have Stardust, he’s too over the top and weird. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS PEOPLE. Cody Rhodes is a great performer, whether he’s wearing a facemask or face paint, so as long as he’s in the ring I’m happy. Goldust is enjoying one of the best stretches of his career, and combined with Cody’s newfound persona, they have the potential to be a really fun tag team. On the flipside, Rybaxel have found their latest niche, and have some serious chemistry as a tag team. Goldust and a variety of partners have been fighting Rybaxel for what seems like years now, but I think the addition of Stardust can give this match the freshness it needs. Fingers crossed for Sin Cara-esque mood lighting, and we see Goldust and Stardust continue their momentum and grab a strong win.
The Uso’s (C) vs. Harper & Rowan
If this event didn’t showcase two ladder matches, I’d say the tag team title match between The Uso’s and Harper & Rowan would have a chance to steal the show. Either way, I expect this match to be exciting, mostly because it has the perfect dynamic: agile, popular faces versus tough, monster heels. Both of these teams look best when their opponents really sell their moves, and The Uso’s REALLY sell moves, while Harper & Rowan can really move and eat planchas and super kicks. Look for Harper & Rowan to control most of the match with their overwhelming power, but hopefully The Uso’s will retain, continuing this feud until Summerslam when Harper & Rowan nab the gold. Also, very excited to experience Harper & Rowan’s new entrance live. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch the video above or check out our post on it.
MITB Ladder Match For the Briefcase: Seth Rollins v. Dean Ambrose v. RVD. v. Kofi Kingston v. Jack Swagger v. Dolph Ziggler v. Bad News Barrett (?)
The question mark is after Bad News Barrett’s name because apparently Jack Swagger hates when other wrestlers gain momentum. Swagger tossed Barrett into the barricade on Smackdown this week and separated his shoulder. With Barrett most likely out of the match, the favorites to win have to be Rollins and Ambrose. They have the only “feud within the match” storyline, and look for Ambrose to do everything in his power to make sure Seth Rollins doesn’t grab that briefcase. Which means Seth Rollins will grab that briefcase. While I’d love to see Ziggler win, Rollins winning makes the most sense. He just turned heel, and has aligned himself with The Authority. Getting the briefcase is the boost his new character could benefit from, and also adds another dimension to the Ambrose/Rollins that will probably continue on after the pay per view. Swagger, Kofi, RVD and Ziggler round out a stellar cast for this match, and it should feature spots galore. And if WWE needs a replacement for BNB, we’ve got you covered:
MITB Ladder Match For the Title: John Cena v. Randy Orton v. Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio v. Cesaro v. Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns v. Kane
(Couldn’t find a picture with Kane in it which pretty much sums up his chances)
It’s fun to be optimistic sometimes, and predict that a real fan favorite (Reigns) or a bad guy who’s turning into a fan favorite (Wyatt) is going to win this match. But then you see this bright green shadow decked out in arm bands and jorts and you come back to reality. Nothing would be better than having one of the younger guys (Cesaro, Reigns, Wyatt) end the show standing atop the ladder with both titles, but it’s just not going to happen. In the long run, that’s a good thing. There is a certain streak conqueror we haven’t seen since WrestleMania who will absolutely be back in the next month or so (or sooner, see below) and that Beast will be coming for the WWE champion. Giving any of those guys their first major title only to have them get destroyed by Lesnar at Summerslam makes zero sense. While Cena winning may suck at first, it makes sense. Lesnar/Cena will draw in the fans and the viewers for the pay per view, and the rest of the participants in the MITB title match aren’t hurt by a loss because not only did they lose to Super Cena, but neither of them were pinned or submitted. So Cena will most likely end the pay per view atop the ladder, but don’t rule out Lesnar storming the ring post match and laying him out, sending the crowd into a frenzy and making this Monday’s Raw a must-see.
– The Average Nobodies
Luke Harper & Erick Rowan’s New Entrance Theme is Perfectly Creepy
One of the highlights of Raw last night was Harper and Rowan continuing to branch out on their own, this time coming to the ring with their own entrance theme. The song reminds me of a really creepy carnival tune, except instead of a couple of clowns coming out from behind the curtain, two monsters with beards appear ready to rip your face off. The Uso’s are awesome, but Bray and the Wyatt family are far and away the most interesting characters in the WWE right now, so I’ll be rooting for them to steal the tag team titles live in Boston this Sunday.
Happy Elimination Chamber Weekend!
The road to WrestleMania (and the WWE network) is well under way, with only tomorrows Elimination Chamber and a handful of Raw’s and Smackdown’s separating us from the granddaddy of them all. The Elimination Chamber isn’t usually included on most people’s list of the “Big 4” pay per views but more times than not it’s the first time we see most of the WrestleMania matches take shape. While wrestling sites have been speculating for weeks about the WrestleMania matches for most of the main eventers on the current rosters, there is one man who’s immediate future can literally go in any direction.
The giant swinging, receding hairlining, no knee pads needed Cesaro. I’m not here to pump Cesaro’s tires, or say he should be in the main event of WrestleMania, because he shouldn’t..yet. I’m here to plead, PLEAD, the WWE to do one thing this Sunday at the Elimination Chamber: end the show with Cesaro and Daniel Bryan in the ring. I dare anyone to tell me with a straight face that Cesaro, or Bryan, eliminating Randy Orton after the other three competitors have already been eliminated wouldn’t blow the goddamn roof off of the Target Center in Minneapolis. This match needs a title change, and it needs a title change that isn’t in jeopardy until the final pin fall. Why not let the last two participants be Bryan and Cesaro, so the WWE Universe knows the title HAS to change hands? Sheamus and Christian are non stories, John Cena, as much as I respect him, doesn’t need the title. Give me 10 minutes of Bryan and Cesaro to close the PPV and I’m a happy man. Or have HHH screw over Bryan, Orton win and create the worst WrestleMania main event in the history of the world. Balls in your court, WWE. Just know that denying Cesaro, is denying a 100 rotation swing.
And the New WWE World Heavyweight Champion Is…
Randall Keith Orton. Fans would have complained no matter what the outcome was, unless Stone Cold, The Rock and the Undertaker all came out and had a 10 hour match. I’m just glad we have a definitive winner, and now the official slow build to the road to Wrestlemania can begin. After last night, CM Punk looks like the strongest contender for the title, after he beat all three members of The Shield. Who do you think should challenge Orton for the World Heavyweight Title? Let us know!
Insane Clown Posse Theater
Ever wanted to watch ICP react, live, to popular music videos? I’ve found what you’re looking for! These guys are quite possibly the most ridiculous duo on the planet, and they have opinions to match. Violent J and Shaggy bring you ICP Theater!
New episodes are on Wednesdays 11/10c on FUSE.
PS- This has got to be the polar opposite of ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee’, as far as internet shows go.
PSS- Howard Stern, the king of all media, endorses the show!