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Prince George is About to Have the Most Boring 1st Birthday Party Ever

PrinceIt’s going to be a prince of a party.

Britain’s royal family has plans to fete Prince George’s first birthday with a private tea party in Kensington Palace, according to Vanity Fair.

The Royal heir will become a 1-year-old on Tuesday and he’s already proving himself to be a forward child — already walking on his own.

His parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, released a photo ahead of his birthday that shows just how much their little cherub has grown.


I’m sure it’s great being apart of the Royal family, but Prince George is getting screwed here. Obviously as a soon to be 1-year-old he doesn’t have much say in his birthday party plans. He doesn’t have much say in anything since he probably can’t talk. But when he grows up and looks at pictures from his 1st birthday party and finds out it was a tea party he’s going to be pissed. You know what 1-year-olds don’t give a shit about? Tea. I’m not saying he needs a huge stripper blowout birthday party, but something in between that and a tea party seems logical. You’re the Royal Family; you have unlimited resources, and you land on a private tea party for your newest addition’s 1st birthday? The lack of creativity and effort is disappointing to say the least. Also, I’m not too familiar with the developmental stages of a baby, but the fact that he’s walking around before the age of 1 blew my mind. Is this normal? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t functionally walking until at least 4 or 5.

– Ryan

My Favorite Sketch From Charlize Theron’s SNL: Bikini Beach Party

Charlize Theron’s second hosting stint on SNL was kind of meh overall, but I really enjoyed the Bikini Beach party sketch. Even though you knew the whale was eventually going to explode, it kind of took me by surprise and worked well. The funniest part about this sketch is that it’s not that absurd. Whales do wash up on the beach and explode from time to time, I just don’t know that I’d take a girl looking for a kiss to the one spot on the beach where there is a whale carcass. But thats why Taran Killam is on SNL and I’m not. Also, ukulele for life.


Kanye West Seems Like The Type of Guy Who Would Pick Bill Nye in the NFL Draft

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Nobody Touches Sarah Hyland and Gets Away With It

SourceSarah Hyland fled a Modern Family party in tears on Thursday night after she was allegedly indecently assaulted by a fan.

The 23-year-old actress had been posing with fans outside the Modern Family party hosted by Qantas at The Sebel Pier One in Sydney, Australia, when the incident occurred.

Sarah was left in floods of tears when a male fan who asked her for a photograph grabbed her breast, according to reports.

You stupid son of a bitch. I don’t know your name but welcome to Hell, because that’s what your life is now going to be. Pure Hell. On a serious note, really? So now actresses can’t even pose with fans? This guy probably hasn’t touched a breast since the Clinton administration but that’s no excuse to violate poor Sarah Hyland. If you’re really in need for some lovin’ buy a laptop and subscribe to one of those sex webcam sites. Don’t go out in public and ruin everyone’s night. May God help you when Phil Dunphy finds out. Then it’s lights out for Chester for the Molester.

– Ryan

I’m Officially A Lake Person




Again, I don’t know what this means but I am now officially a lake person. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Give Ryan and his friends a few 30 racks of Busch Light and a lake view house and they’re the happiest sons of bitches on planet Earth. If I can somehow watch a polo match at a lake house then I will have finally found my Utopia. A man can dream.

– Ryan

I Need Jim Peterik To Sing “Eye Of The Tiger” Everywhere I Go

Does Jim Peterik bring his guitar and fantastic tight white pants everywhere he goes? I hope so. And I hope he’s available this Saturday for funky butt Matt’s birthday extravaganza. Better yet, I need him to follow me around where ever I go. Maybe I’m having bad day, work is busy and I burned the roof of mouth on some canned soup. Jim is there to save the day and give me the motivation to go on. At this point, I’m really banking on him being financially secure. Wherever I go, money doesn’t exactly follow. He’s going to have to accept an unnecessary amount of Busch Light and a few burnt hamburgers as payment.

– Ryan

Selena Gomez’s 21st Birthday Was Slightly Different Than Mine

If you substitute the hot girls and insane dance party with 10 guys and a lot of warm jager followed by me passing out in the bathroom of the bar then we basically had the same exact 21st birthday. Once again proves my point that me and Selena are soup snakes.

– Ryan

How To Rent A House (For A Summer Party)

So I graduated from college a few years back and I’ve become a bigger piece of shit than I could have ever imagined. I mean I know I was on my way, but whatever. My current boss is also my former landlord. When I was a senior, my buddies and I rented his house…and trashed it. I’ve been working for him for a year and a half now, and I’ve been reminded of it every day. Every piece of furniture got broken, holes in the wall, carpets destroyed (pun totally intended), and bathrooms too gross for for Deuce Bigalow’s dad to clean. This is my cross to bare.

Now if you’re renting a house this summer, here’s a few tips.
1. Never rent it from someone you know
2. Remove everything that can break aka make it look like a bare walled serial killers cottage
3. Kegs over cans
4. Try not to wrestle, I mean really try
5. If need be, puke outside, not in a bed/couch, same with pissing…and screwing?
6. One cowboy hat per gang
7. The less shirts the better
8. Involve a water activity with a drinking game (girls go nuts for that shit)
9. Someone needs to bring a dog that drinks beer because it’s hilarious
10. Get drunk while you clean up

This list can be edited of course, but you get my point. I’m trying to party, not win a lifetime achievement award. For a few ideas, check out the video below and let the games begin!


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