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Life Lessons From Yoko Ono

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It’s Friday. Let’s get yoked.

“@yokoono: I would like to see a sky vending machine on every corner of the street instead of the coke machine. We need more skies than coke.”

– Not a bad idea in theory. I’m just not quite sure what a sky vending machine would look like. And would it sell skies? How much does a sky cost? Is there more than one sky? Yoko has a lot of explaining to do.

“@yokoono: You can even assemble a painting with a person in the North Pole over a phone, like playing chess.”

– Yoko is really all over the place with this one. Personally I don’t know anyone who lives in the North Pole. Not exactly the most habitable place in the world. Just seems like a really inconvenient scenario. I’m assuming the North Pole has horrible cell phone service. What if you’re on a deadline? Not your best suggestion Yoko.

This week’s lessons: we need more sky vending machines, and if you’re attempting to paint a painting, make sure you get in touch with someone at the North Pole. Stay frosty and have a great weekend.

– Jim

Nothing Like A Casual Craigslist Search

“Looking for someone to paint me as a centaur (west warwick) – I want someone to paint me as a centaur. Bottom half horse top half me. Please be able to actually paint. I will need to see other work you have done. Shoot me and email and give me a price. maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch. But seriously, this is legit.”

I knew I should have taken art classes when I was a kid! This is a post, directly from Craigslist, that I received from a inside source.  First, let me first point out, power move by wanting to be painted as a centaur.  No little bitch real animals like a tiger or lion, NO, a creature straight from fucking myth!  Personally I would have gone the griffin route, but I applaud your tenacity.  As epic as this sounds, and it seems like you have all your bases covered, let me just say if you have to explain what a centaur is to your painter, then they are not ready to paint you.  Be a little more selective, pal.  You run a convincing argument all the way up until the last few lines. “maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch”. Really? A guy who desires a mural of himself painted as a centaur wants to meet in a park? I was expecting him to either invite me to his yacht or his trailer home, all i’m saying is that it could go either way.  Pack a lunch? Is this turning into a picnic? Because if so, I am even angrier that I cannot paint.  There is nothing like a good picnic, the sites, the sounds, feeding each other fresh fruits…….I digress.  Not even the great Bob Ross (RIP) could get me prepared for this job.  But at least we know that this offer is “Legit”.
ImageDon’t you give up, someday you will find your artist, and they will paint you wearing this, and only this.
-Mattyv
P.S. Just so it’s clear, Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic.
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