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Your Cell Phone 20 Years Ago

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This is kind of insane when you think about it. In your pocket lies a machine that has the power to call people, take pictures, play music, multiply numbers, surf the web, pay for your groceries, and a whole bunch of other useful things. Tell that to someone your age 20 years ago and they might burn you at the stake for being a witch.

-Matt

PS- Is it weird that I wish the cassette tape made a comeback? Vinyl’s did, why not the old plastic cassette? TELL ME! ………Sorry, that got out of hand.

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I Could Watch These Two 90 Year Olds Race All Day

This is impressive/depressing. Impressive because if I ever make it to 90 years old I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to move my legs. It’s depressing because the first thing I thought of when I saw this video was that I could blow by both of them. As if beating a 90 year old in a footrace is something to be proud of. Either way, can’t knock the hustle of these two. Sprinting their way right into my heart.

– Ryan

Jake “The Snake” Roberts Surprised the World on Raw Last Night and it Was Awesome

Anyone who’s followed this story from the beginning has to be happy for Jake Roberts. His personal demons almost killed him but with the help of DDP Yoga he transformed his life and looks great. Far and away the best part of Raw, mostly because it was so unexpected. The best moment for me was watching Ambrose, a professed chikdhood Jake Roberts fan, with a big smile on his face when Jake put the snake on him. Let’s hope Jake sticks around, and gets one more moment in the sun at the Rumble.

– Ryan

Monday Night Raw Should Be Decent Tonight

I’m a sucker for nostalgia, but I have a feeling this week’s raw is going to be one for the record books. A lot of good storylines, especially the next chapter in the Wyatt’s/Daniel Bryan saga combined with all the returning legends should make a solid episode. Although if I don’t see Ric Flair elbow drop his suit jacket I’ll be horribly disappointed.

– Ryan

Steve Carell and Leslie Mann Need Some French Toast

Judd Apatow and his real life wife Leslie Mann attended the Anchorman 2 premiere last night, and he caught Steve Carell and his wife catching up on some unfinished business.

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Let’s hope it involved getting some fucking French toast.

– Ryan

Hey Colorado: Smoke All the Weed You Want, But Don’t You Dare Let Your Kid Kiss a Girl on the Cheek

Source – A 6-year-old boy has been suspended from a Colorado school for kissing a girl on the cheek.

School officials in Canon City are accusing Hunter Yelton of sexual harassment and they want it on his school record.

“They sent me to the office, fair and square. I did something wrong and I feel sorry”

– Hunter Yelton

The boy’s mother tells KRDO-TV her son was suspended once before for kissing the girl and had disciplinary problems, but the girl did not object to being kissed. She told the station that the two children like each other.

“They sent me to the office, fair and square. I did something wrong and I feel sorry,” Yelton told the station. 

A School District RE-1 official says the repeat offenses meet the school policy definition of sexual harassment and they hope the tough standards will force the boy to change his behavior.

Yelton’s mother, Jennifer Saunders, wants sexual harassment removed from his record.

“I’m going to stand up and fight for him because that’s not the case, that’s not what happened at all,” she told the station.

 

This is the weirdest story I’ve ever read. Are they really charging this kid with sexual harassment? Is this real life? Seriously what the hell is happening in Colorado, or America in general for that matter. A 6 year old boy kissed a girl in his class on the cheek. Better call the National Guard. Better yet, let’s register this kid as a sex offender, lock him up for life and throw away the key. The worst part of this whole story is that the school is making poor Hunter feel like he did something wrong. And for whatever reason, the local news station actually took a statement from a 6 year old like he’s going on trial. When you suspend little kids for being little kids, you shouldn’t wonder why they grow up to be lunatics. This whole story reaffirms my belief that we might actually be living in a bizarro Matrix world. No other explanation for something like this actually happening.

– Ryan

Jerry Moon Pulls The Ol’ Switch-a-roo

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When Jerry Moon’s family opened his casket at a memorial service on Monday to say their final goodbyes, they found a stranger in his place.

Moon, 72, died around the same time as a 97-year-old man who had been in living in the same hospice care facility in Washington state. Sadly, an apparent mix-up at the funeral home ended with a stranger in Moon’s casket, and Moon cremated against his wishes. -HuffPost

Let me tell you something right now. Something the moon family doesn’t want to hear or believe. Jerry Moon isn’t dead. No way and far from it. This right here is something I have been trying to perfect for years but could never pull off, the ol’ switch-a-roo. Fakes his death, suffocates old man river down the hall from him and stuffs him in his casket. “But he was cremated”, you shout! Yeah, right. Jerry just pulled the perfect stunt right in front of your eyes. Jerry Moon is definitely in the bahamas somewhere living out the rest of his life being fanned by beautiful women and drinking beer by the case.

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-MattyV

PS- I’m naming my son Jerry Moon Vieira. Power name right thurrrr

Apparently 2 Year Olds Are Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery Now

(Really?)  “A morbidly obese two-year-old has become the  youngest person in the world to undergo a gastrecstomy – where most of the  stomach is cut away.

The parents of the toddler from Saudi Arabia  – who weighed more than 5st and had a Body Mass Index of 41 – sought help  because he suffered severe breathing problems while asleep.

Two attempts to control his weight by dieting  failed, wrote his surgeons in an article in the International Journal of Surgery  Case Reports.

Gastrectomy is a drastic alternative to  gastric band or bypass surgery – none of which would ever be carried out on  pre-teen children in the UK.

When he first presented to an endocrinologist  at 14 months the toddler weighed 3st 4lb, but after dieting for four months his  weight increased to more than 4st.

The doctors from Prince Sultan Military  Medical City at Riyadh were unable to ascertain whether the child’s parents had  stuck to the diet.”

Operation: A morbidly obese two-year-old has become the youngest person in the world to undergo bariatric surgery

So this is where we are at as a society. 2 year olds are now getting gastric bypass surgery. 2 year olds! Yeah this kid is enormous but he’s 2, which means he can’t do anything on his own. The kid can barely stand in the pictures. You’re telling me his parents can’t get this kid on some type of diet? Maybe don’t eat 40 meals a day, get some exercise, basically anything but surgery. To be honest I have some selfish motives here. This kid’s left arm is awesome. He is the Michelin Man reincarnated and I love it. Almost defies logic how fat his arm is. Saudi Arabia really knows how to ruin this guys day.

– Ryan

P.S. “Morbidly obese” are the two most accurate words in the English language. When I think of the words morbidly obese I now have the mental image of this two year old in my head.

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