Rob Gronkowski’s Off Season Rehab Seems to Be Going Well
I love Gronkowski. He’s the only tolerable member of the Patriots that non Patriot’s fans can root for. But if I were a Pats fan, I’d be a little upset with him. Athletes can do whatever they want in the off season. Is it ideal that they train and stay in shape and try to get smarter and stronger? Sure. But if a professional athlete wants to blow off some steam and go to Vegas for a few weeks and get drunk and party with porn stars who are we to tell him no? As long as they’re ready to perform when the season starts, I’m OK with it. The only problem with Gronkowski is that he’s the largest human ever who is apparently made entirely of glass. He had back surgery in college, and has dealt with serious ankle, forearm and now knee issues. Maybe dominating comedy shows and bench pressing comedians is the magical formula. My bet is on Belichick letting him go after the 2014 season.
Cowboys Doing Cowboy Things: Sign Brandon “The Oldest College Graduate in History” Weeden to 2 Year Contract
Source – IRVING, Texas — The Dallas Cowboys have agreed with former Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden on a two-year deal, a source told ESPN.com.
Weeden visited with the coaches at Valley Ranch on Monday and will be the third quarterback under contract behind Tony Romo and Kyle Orton.
The Cowboys have not carried a third quarterback on the roster since 2011, when they had Stephen McGee behind Romo and Jon Kitna, but would appear committed that way early in the 2014 offseason.
I’d love to sit in on the Cowboys draft and free agent meetings. Do they just go through lists of players that they know will infuriate their fan base and decide to sign them? Because I have to be honest that’s what it seems like they’re doing. Whenever you pick up the Browns sloppy seconds you really need to start reevaluating your decision making skills. Maybe Jerry Jones should worry less about his eye glasses getting cleaned and worry more about fielding a team that isn’t the dictionary definition of mediocre. Or maybe he should just keep doing what he’s doing so the rest of us can get a good laugh. SIX MORE YEARS! SIX MORE YEARS!
Jim Harbaugh Casually Doing Pushups With a Walrus
This is why I respect the hell out of Jim Harbaugh. Is he insane? Yes. But show me another man on this earth that can get that type of effort out of a walrus. I’m no scientist but Walrus’s seem like naturally lazy animals. I can’t imagine they spend their free time jumping out of the water and doing pushups. But when Jim Harbaugh is around he’s about one thing and one thing only: maximizing potential. That walrus probably saw Harbaugh coming and knew from the look in his eyes that it was pushup time. Most of us spend our vacations relaxing and drinking mojitos. Jim Harbaugh spends his vacations doing pushups with sea creatures. Game. Set. Psycho.
It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Bites Off Your Toe
Source – BOSTON — Police say a woman had her toe bitten off at a New Year’s Eve party in Boston.
Officers responded to a city hospital at about 5 a.m. Wednesday for a report of an apparent assault in which the victim’s little toe on her left foot was bitten off.
The victim told police she made a sexual advance to another woman at the party in the city’s Dorchester neighborhood at about 3 a.m., which upset the other woman’s boyfriend and led to a fight.
Police tell The Boston Globe the party’s host then asked the victim to leave, which led to another fight outside in which the host allegedly bit off the guest’s toe.
The entire episode remains under investigation and no names were released.
Not the ideal way to start off the new year. I’m no Nostradamus but I have a feeling this girl is going to have a horrible 2014. I can’t imagine having another person biting off your pinky toe being a good omen for the new year. This girl probably had a bunch of resolutions about eating healthier and getting into shape. Maybe she was going to take an art class a few days a week to spruce up her apartment. Now she’s just a four toed mutant. The only thing I can think of worse than this is actually being murdered on new years eve. At that point a missing pinky toe would be the least of your worries.
Betty White Spoofs Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball – Dear God No
This could have been a lot worse, but can we stop the wrecking ball spoofs now. Watching a 90 year old ride a wrecking ball and kiss a sledgehammer should never be something I have to witness.