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Robert Wallace is Trying His Hardest to Become The Stupidest Man in America

HoustonRobert Wallace is mad: He gave his heart, soul and Harry Potter DVD collection to a Houston stripper.

Now he can’t even get back the Potter films.

Wallace, a Houston-based software developer, thought he was in a “dating relationship” with exotic dancer Nomi Mims. He loaned her $2,000, a laptop and his precious collection of movies based on the J.K. Rowling books, KRIV-TV reports.

When the alleged relationship ended May 3, Wallace hoped Mims would return the items. She hasn’t so now he says he’s suing her to get the money, laptop and Harry Potter DVDs.

Fat chance, according to Mims. She says she never dated Wallace and that the items were gifts he gave to her.

“I don’t believe in loans because I don’t want to pay anybody back,” she said, according to “I’ve given him gifts too. You know, how do I get my booty and boobs back?”

Although Wallace claims the two were intimate and “building a life together,” Mims says they were never more than friends.

She concedes that it is unfortunate that she may have given him the wrong impression, reports.

Still, she is shocked that Wallace has filed suit.

“I’ve heard of strippers suing customers, but never of customers suing strippers,” Mims said.

Mims admits he’s not surprised what happened and says, as a result, he’s decided not to date strippers.

Come on, Robert. The stripper customer relationship is one of the oldest, most basic relationships in human history. You pay a naked girl money and she dances and does things for you. That’s where it starts, and that’s where it ends. If you want to throw some Harry Potter movies in there, go ahead and have yourself a day. But don’t file a lawsuit trying to get your stuff back. Now you’re just embarrassing yourself. I don’t even know you and I’m embarrassed for you. The only thing worse than thinking you’re in a relationship with a stripper is suing her for your money back once that “relationship” is over. Chalk it up as a loss, move to a different city, buy another copy of Harry Potter and start “dating” another stripper. That’s the only cure.

– Ryan

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