Blog Archives
Gronk & The Patriots Demolished The Colts Last Night & The Rest Of The NFL Should Be Very, Very Afraid
– via Pats Propaganda
The New England Patriots have outscored two of the best teams in the AFC, the Denver Broncos and the Indianapolis Colts, by a combined score of 85-41 over the last two games. And it hasn’t even been that close. The scariest part of this incredible turnaround happened last night, when the Pats manhandled the Colts in Indy with a running back who had never scored an NFL touchdown going into the game. I still think the Broncos are the only real threat to the Pats, but seeing a good Colts team get absolutely demolished at home should be a wakeup call for the rest of the NFL: the Patriots are here, and they’re going to beat the shit out of you and there’s nothing you can do about it. After playing almost a perfect game against Denver, Brady threw two bad interceptions, but when your running back runs for 199 yards and four touchdowns, interceptions tend to be less important. With the game pretty much in hand, Gronk took over, first with his block into the stands on Sergio Brown and then his 26 yard touchdown catch where it looked like no living human was capable of stopping him from getting into the end zone. Let me preface this by saying I loathe the Patriots and most of their fans, and living in the Northeast during their reign of terror has been unbearable at times, but sometimes you have to give the devil their due: the Patriots are a great football team. Chances are Jonas Gray isn’t going to run for 200 yards and four scores every game, but he doesn’t have to when you have Brady and Gronk ready to murder people. The Pats defense is only going to get healthier, and although they have an incredibly tough stretch of matchups coming up, no one in the AFC is on their level right now. If your favorite team is in the AFC and they’re not the Patriots, I think it’s time to mentally prepare yourself for disappointment come January.
– Ryan
The New England Patriots Wanted To Thank All Their Fans on Twitter After Reaching 1 Million Followers & Things Got Terrible Very Quickly
Ohhh dear. This isn’t even a pun or some kind of sly joke. This twitter handle just puts everything out there. Does a robot run the Pats twitter account? Because if a human being does there’s no way they don’t catch this. It’s just too obvious. Is this how you get 1 million followers, Patriots? Last time I checked its not 1960s Mississippi. You can’t be thanking people with that kind of Twitter handle. Settle for 999,999 and leave the racism on the sideline.
Somebody Get Jimmy Graham Some French Cries To Go With His Wamburger
NFL – Jimmy Graham certainly didn’t agree with the offensive pass interference call against him Sunday that nullified a potential game-winning Hail Mary touchdown against the San Francisco 49ers.
“That’s why I left basketball, so I could stop being penalized for hitting people,” Graham said after the New Orleans Saints wound up losing 27-24 in overtime.
Graham was especially upset that his 47-yard touchdown catch was nullified when he was flagged for pushing off cornerback Perrish Cox.
“It’s interesting how guys grab me everywhere on the field, and I put literally two fingers on somebody and you make that kind of call,” Graham said. “It was definitely not a push-off.
“You know, I’m running down the field and I’m telling myself not to push off. ‘Whatever you do, don’t push off. Just go up and get it.'”
Graham said there was “no doubt” that Cox helped sell the call by falling to the ground after they made contact.
“But he’s a smart player. And he knows I’m a big guy and attract a lot of attention sometimes. So that’s unfortunate,” said Graham, who said he has “rarely ever” seen such calls on Hail Marys. “I mean, the general consensus is, you go down there, you can kick somebody in the chest and go up there and go up and get it and you’ll be fine. But apparently not.”
Jim, Jimmy, James, Jimothy; just be quiet. The fact that an offensive player has the nerve to complain about offensive pass interference in 2014 is hysterical. Also, last time I checked Jimmy, the Saints line you up as a wide receiver because you can’t block for shit, so I don’t want to hear this nonsense about you loving to hit people. You love running around and catching footballs and knowing that any time someone touches you they’ll get called for a penalty. In my opinion, it’s poetic justice that an offensive playmaker got called for a penalty. I think Jimmy Graham is just mad that my superior 49ers are the first team to beat his dumb Saints at home since 2010. Just remember Jimmy, the better team always wins.
– Ryan
The Bird Takeover Has Begun: Seattle Seahawk’s Hawk Mascot Tries to Maul Fan
So maybe the hawk didn’t try to maul the fan, but this is how it starts: the hawk “accidentally” missed it’s handler and headed straight for the crowd. The most disturbing thing about this whole situation is that I underestimated how smart these birds really are. Instead of attacking the fan in the crowd, it just kind of messed around with him. Why? So we wouldn’t perceive this blatant miscarriage of justice as a threat. If the hawk started attacking this fan then we’d all get suspicious. But since the hawk didn’t attack the fan everyone thinks this was an honest mistake. Well I’m not falling for it. The takeover has begun, and if you don’t think Pete Carroll had something to do with this you’re high.
– Ryan
Marcus Lattimore is Practicing For the 49ers And Is Ready To Eat Linebackers For Breakfast
This is wonderful. The 49ers have been a running back machine over the last few years, drafting them like they were going out of style. A lot of people questioned why the 49ers would keep so many running backs on the roster, but with LaMichael James leaving the team and Kendall Hunter out for the year, all those running back don’t seem like such a bad idea now. The 49ers drafted Lattimore a few years ago, and naturally they’ve been careful with him due to his knee injuries in college. While he is absolutely injury prone, one other thing is clear: he is a monster running back. He broke the Gamecock record for touchdowns while only playing 29 games (38 touchdowns while averaging 5.5 yards per carry). Yes those are college numbers, but he played in the SEC, which is the closest thing to the NFL that college football has going. He also joins a team that doesn’t need him to be the first or even second option in the backfield. While Frank Gore has struggled, he is still the clear number one back, and Carlos Hyde is the clear number two. I know the 9ers and Harbaugh will take it slowly with Lattimore, but it’s nice to know you have such a gifted runner waiting in the wings. If he stays healthy, the sky’s the limit, and when he finally debuts, Gamecock nation will be wearing their number 21 jerseys proudly.
– Ryan
Twitter News Weekly – Ebola & Fantasy Football
This weeks Twitter News Weekly is our first ever print edition. If you miss our handsome faces, don’t worry, we’ll be back next week with an all new TNW video. In the meantime, don’t look Fantasy Football get you down, and try not to catch Ebola.
Fantasy Football
Fntasy Football is in full swing and at about this time of year you either want to yell from the roof tops or jump off those same rooftops. Let’s see how twitter is doing with fantasy football.
I once knew a guy that dropped Brandon Marshall to waivers in the middle of his breakout season with the Broncos. I feel your pain.
Look to the future, no need to dwell on your shitty ass fantasy team. BTW i’m using “wasteland” more often, thanks for that.
I feel your pain. It’s like watching an episode of America’s Most Wanted every time I turn on a game. Keep your chin up.
Ebola
If there’s one place I would go to to find out the latest on the Ebola epidemic, it’s Twitter. Let’s see what the future of America had to say:
If you had 100/1 odds that Ebola would eventually turn into a race discussion, you’re a winner! How about we band together and help to find a cure instead of pointing fingers so quickly?
Solid advice right here. Go anywhere else you want. But not the airport. Airport = Ebola. Are we having fun yet?
Not sure what to say about this one, although it makes sense that zombies would eventually enter the discussion. You can’t fixate on The Walking Dead and Call of Duty and not eventually being to think zombies are everywhere.
I’m not sure where you’re getting your news from, but I think this is false. Its actually shocking how many people now think Ebola is turning people into zombies. Actually, it’s not shocking at all.
As If Things Couldn’t Get Any Worse, The Jaguars Mascot Made a Timely Ebola Joke During Yesterdays Game
The Jacksonville Jaguars issued an apology for Jaxson de Ville’s ebola joke. http://t.co/VpncNuXLjKpic.twitter.com/lDAueElEwZ
— SB Nation (@SBNation) October 6, 2014
Oh dear. Nothing like a good Ebola joke to get your fans to root for the home team. The Jaguars are one of those teams that are so bad that their employees are all starting to lose their minds. When you know you’re season is over after the first half of the first game it must be tough to stay sane. Blake Bortles brought them a little bit of hope but not even he bring this franchise back from the depths of despair. The only thing Jaxson de Ville has going for him is that he has a sensational name. Poor decisions making skills, sensational name; I guess you can’t have it all.
– Ryan
South Park Premiered Last Night With One of It’s Funniest Episodes in Years
This might have just moved it into the top five. pic.twitter.com/SEgUBkEtBo
— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) September 25, 2014
That’s it, I’m done. pic.twitter.com/3kpruxNyUy
— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) September 25, 2014
I mean, yeah, they went there. pic.twitter.com/SJK1ld0ya1
— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) September 25, 2014
The best part about South Park is their attention to detail (changing RGIII to Kirk Cousins from Sunday to last night) and the way they can make you laugh out loud while sneaking a really great story into an episode. Last night’s episode did all of those things. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been on the air for 18 seasons now, and they have become our go to satirists for the modern day shit show that is the world. I expected them to satire the Redskins scandal, and the NFL, and ISIS, but not all in one episode. If you saw the episode. you know it was a classic, and if you haven’t, I don’t want to spoil anything for you because this was amazing. The cowboys/redskins bit at the end was so great on so many levels, and +1 million for the Jerry Jones BJ scene. Never change, South Park.
– Ryan
H/T @WorldofIsaac
