Blog Archives
Cowboys Doing Cowboy Things: Sign Brandon “The Oldest College Graduate in History” Weeden to 2 Year Contract
Source – IRVING, Texas — The Dallas Cowboys have agreed with former Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden on a two-year deal, a source told ESPN.com.
Weeden visited with the coaches at Valley Ranch on Monday and will be the third quarterback under contract behind Tony Romo and Kyle Orton.
The Cowboys have not carried a third quarterback on the roster since 2011, when they had Stephen McGee behind Romo and Jon Kitna, but would appear committed that way early in the 2014 offseason.
I’d love to sit in on the Cowboys draft and free agent meetings. Do they just go through lists of players that they know will infuriate their fan base and decide to sign them? Because I have to be honest that’s what it seems like they’re doing. Whenever you pick up the Browns sloppy seconds you really need to start reevaluating your decision making skills. Maybe Jerry Jones should worry less about his eye glasses getting cleaned and worry more about fielding a team that isn’t the dictionary definition of mediocre. Or maybe he should just keep doing what he’s doing so the rest of us can get a good laugh. SIX MORE YEARS! SIX MORE YEARS!
– Ryan
Jim Harbaugh Casually Doing Pushups With a Walrus
This is why I respect the hell out of Jim Harbaugh. Is he insane? Yes. But show me another man on this earth that can get that type of effort out of a walrus. I’m no scientist but Walrus’s seem like naturally lazy animals. I can’t imagine they spend their free time jumping out of the water and doing pushups. But when Jim Harbaugh is around he’s about one thing and one thing only: maximizing potential. That walrus probably saw Harbaugh coming and knew from the look in his eyes that it was pushup time. Most of us spend our vacations relaxing and drinking mojitos. Jim Harbaugh spends his vacations doing pushups with sea creatures. Game. Set. Psycho.
– Ryan
Blaine Gabbert to the 49ers? K See Ya in Phoenix
Who did we need to help us get over the hump? Blaine Fucking Gabbert, that’s who. No chance we lose in the NFC Championship or Super Bowl now. I can’t wait to order my Gabbert jersey and laugh at all the haters when we’re celebrating in Phoenix next February. Oh and in case you need more proof, here are some stats for you:
Career TDs: 22
Career INT: 24
Career passer rating: 66.4%
NO BIG DEAL.
– Ryan
P.S. Does anyone else have their own “Real American” video? Didn’t think so.
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Welcome Back to 49er Land Mr. Boldin
With all the hoopla surrounding Harbaugh and the 49ers brass, we needed a sign from the heavens that this season wasn’t going to be awful. I’ll take a two year deal for the ‘Quan as that sign. I can’t wait to lose in the NFC Championship/Super Bowl this year.
– Ryan
P.S. Hey Pete Carroll
The Buccaneers Have New Jerseys To Match Their New Helmets
That is a drastic change! A lot of NFL teams “spruce up” their uniforms with slightly different colors, maybe a logo change, but the Buccaneers went full on reboot with their new helmets and unis. I love every thread of this design. Definitely getting a Glennon jersey. GLENNON, NEEEEDDDD YAAAA KIDDD
I’m Not Entirely Sure Steve Smith Knows How Twitter Works
Steve Smith you rascal. Everyone knows Steve Smith is good at two things: talking trash and impregnating women. Notice how I didn’t put “using Twitter” on that short list? That’s because Steve Smith apparently has no idea how it works. Either that or he’s oddly obsessed with himself, which now that I think about is a plausible explanation. Only true ballers @ themselves and hash tag their own name all while humble bragging our faces off. Steve Smith is having sex, guys, and he wants the world to know.
The Buccaneers Have a New Look!
I couldn’t be more excited for the season to start so the Bucs can start laying the beat down whilst wearing these bad boys. Now if Lovie Smith would only return my phone calls and emails. I have a whole playbook drawn up that I want to show him. It could change the face of the NFL forever.
-Matt
Twitter News Weekly – Michael Sam, Pierre the Pelican, Shia Gone Crazy
New episode every Friday
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