Blog Archives
Was The Logan Mankins Trade “Wright”?
“In Bill we trust.” That’s the Patriots fans go to phrase after a type of move like this occurs. I’ll always trust Bill unless he decides to trade Tom Brady; if this ever does happen, you might as well shut down New England for a couple of days or months (great time to be owning a liquor store or bar). No going back now, the trade is done and all we can do is analyze why this trade makes sense for the Patriots. Here are my thoughts:
Why did the trade occur so close to the start of the season? This gave Logan as much time as possible to reconsider restructuring his contract A.K.A. take less money. Also younger offensive linemen had all of training camp to learn from the pro bowl guard through practice and watching film.
What is Bill thinking? If this Tim Wright guy truly can play a similar style as Aaron Hernandez then this should help the offensive line out by limiting the blitzes they will see. If Tim Wright completely sucks then we better hope whoever we draft with the pick we acquired (4th rounder) will be a beast. Also, I believe this year Tom will be throwing a lot of short/quick routes to Edelman, Amendola, and Vereen which should only require a couple seconds of pocket protection.
I’m sure sports analysts, especially Felger & Mazz will be foaming at the mouth waiting for Brady’s first sack coming poor play from the left guard.
– Your Anonymous Patriots Beat Writer
‘Twas The Night Before Kickoff
We hope everyone is as excited for the start of the NFL season as we are! If you like these original videos, comment on the youtube page and let us know!
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-The Average Nobodies
It’s A Powerful Feeling Knowing I Hold Johnny Manziel’s Career In My Hands
Johnny Football is in the new Snickers commercial and it’s kind of funny, but let’s get straight to the point here: I hold Johnny Manziel’s career in my hands. Let me explain:
Last year, I picked up Browns quarterback Brian Hoyer off the waiver wire in my fantasy football league. My QB (Andrew Luck) was on a bye, so I needed a one week fill-in, and since Hoyer was playing Thursday night, I picked him up so I’d have an interest in the game. I picked up him up Thursday morning, and 8 hours later, two plays into the game, he was writhing in pain because he just tore his ACL. That’s my fantasy football experience in a nutshell: if you are on my team, you are going to get hurt/something bad is going to happen to you. Here’s a list of players on my team last year: Jermichael Finley, Arian Foster, Darren McFadden, Brian Hoyer, Ray Rice. Half those guys had season ending surgery, and one is now a woman abuser. Moral of the story: if Johnny Manziel really wants to play this year, all he has to do is say the word and I’ll scoop up Brian Hoyer. Unfortunately for Johnny, this deal is a double edged sword, because if he starts to play well, I’ll probably pick him up to, and then Snickers commercials will be the only thing he’s seen in ever again.
– Ryan
Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite NFL Beards
The NFL season is getting closer and closer, which is a good thing, because it’s only a matter of time before our bosses figure out we’ve actually been doing mock drafts all day instead of doing actual work. Sticking with our NFL Monster Blog theme, this week we examine the art of the facial hair. It’s no secret NFL player are enormous, powerful men, but just like in the real world, a monster beard is a sign of power. Here are our favorite NFL beards:
Jason Kelce – Philadelphia Eagles
I like Jason Kelce’s beard so much he might just become my new favorite player. Extra points for the beard just flowing right up into his mane like he’s some kind of lion-human hybrid. If you ask me, the Eagles are missing out on a major marketing opportunity here. Remember how crazy everyone (myself included) went for the Red Sox “bearded brothers” thing last season? Why not start a movement in Philly and have Jason be the ring leader? It’s not like the Eagles have anything else to root for, except for praying to the football Gods that Lesean McCoy doesn’t snap his femur. Let the beards flow.
– Ryan
Bret Keisel – Pittsburgh Steelers
I guess Pennsylvania has great beards running through its veins because my beard comes from the Keystone State; which I assume got its name from the great volume of keystone beer they consume (I am being told that is completely false). My beard choice was probably the easiest decision I have ever made on Monster Blog Wednesday. If people with awesome beards started their own country then Bret Keisel would be King of everything and as far as his beard could see. Thick? Yes Overwhelming? Yes. Magical? Well, I’d like to think so. This man’s beard transcends facial hair. This chine mane has gotten to the point where it looks like his beard is growing a beard of its own! I dream and pray for facial hair like this. One day, Matt. One day.
-Matt
Monster Blog Wednesday – Favorite NFL Zebras
Continuing our NFL Monster Blog theme, this week’s MB will be looking at our favorite NFL referees (sorry, not actual zebras. We’ll save that for another day). We used to take the NFL referees for granted, but then a few seasons back the replacement refs came on the scene, and now we will never take actual ref’s for granted again. Here are our picks:
“Mean” Gene Steratore
Personal foul on nu…you know what? I don’t really give a fuck.
The most nonchalant, no nonsense NFL referee in the game today. He honestly looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, but I think that’s part of his charm. Personal fouls, holding; who gives a shit. Let’s move the game along so Gene can get into that case of Bud Ice’s he’s got hidden in the referee’s locker room. It took me awhile to forgive him for letting my 49ers lose in the NFC Championship last year, but now that I have, I look forward to many more years of watching him not give a shit.
– Ryan
Ed “Muscles Marinara” Hochuli
When Hoch is calling the shots the guy with the biggest biceps on the field usually isn’t a NFL player. Quite the opposite of Ryan’s pick I think Ed Hochuli lives for the game of football. Word on the street was that when the ref holdout was announced as over he immediately started doing pushups and then rode a unicorn to work. I’m just telling you what I heard. Some people think it’s kind of ridiculous how jacked he is for what his profession is, you know what I think? I think THOSE people are ridiculous. You’re telling me if you were on the field with a bunch of gargantuans you wouldn’t want to be jacked up and ready for anything? I’d like to see someone run into Hoch on the field. Brick wall city.
-Matt
Jerry Jones & The Cowboys Got a Little Loco & Mailed Out Playoff TIckets to Season Ticket Holders Today
JJ – When Dallas Cowboys season-ticket holders open the envelope with their tickets this week, they might be shocked to find what’s in there.
Along with all the preseason and regular-season tickets, there’s a sheet of playoff tickets, including a ticket for the NFC Championship Game, a game the team hasn’t played in since the 1995 season.
Especially since no other team has ever done this before. Messages left for the Cowboys were not immediately returned.
“Included in this package are your 2014 playoff tickets and parking (if applicable) for two potential home games at AT&T Stadium,” read a letter that came with the season tickets. “The barcodes on the tickets will be activated when a home playoff game is clinched and the tickets have been paid in full.”
I actually like this move a lot. Give your fans a little added boost before the season, plus if your team actually does make the playoffs and it’s a home game you already have your ticket and parking pass. It could work for the Patriots, who always make the playoffs, or the 49ers, who seem to make the playoffs a lot recently and then break my god damn heart. There’s only problem for the Cowboys:
Tony Romo is your quarterback. Say what you want about Romo: he has a good completion percentage, he has a strong jaw – fact is, he’s never won a playoff game. There’s always next year. SIX MORE YEARS! SIX MORE YEARS!
– Ryan
Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite Madden Covers
This Friday is the first day of August, and the month after August is September, and September means FOOTBALL. Praise Bill Paxton. Every Monster Blog from today until Packers/Seahawks on September 4th will be dedicated to football in some way. This week’s monster blog is focused on the Madden video game. John Madden did a lot of great things in his day: revolutionized bus travel, won super bowls, became a broadcasting legend, and most importantly, created the Madden video game. While a lot of people like to focus on the Madden curse, the Average Nobodies focus on the positives in life, like having a murderer on the cover of your video game. Anyway, here are our choices:
Madden ’05 – Ray Lewis
I figured I’d get right to the murderer part, because when you have a chance to put a guy who went through a sketchy murder trial on the cover of your video game marketed to children, you do it. Besides that, the mid 2000’s Madden’s were awesome because the talent pool was insane. Ray Lewis was murdering the league on defense. Daunte Culpepper was murdering the league on offense. You had the end of the “greatest show on turf” with the Rams. All that made Madden the best sports game during this time period. As a defensive specialist kind of player, I loved playing as the Ravens and just blitzing the shit out of my opponents. A lot of people don’t like those 10-7 wins, but I thrive on them. Just win, baby.
– Ryan
Madden 04 – Mike Vick
My Madden cover, like Ryan’s, comes form the golden age of Madden. The days when you turn on a game and get the “EA Sports, it’s in the game” little cameos by the actually players. Those were so awesome. Every time I turned on my game I would hope to see a different player! It was a magical time that has since passed and will never again be revisited, but the real reason that chose this cover was purely for the man on it. No, not the dog killer, Mike Vick, i’m talking about the 250 rushing yards and 5 touchdowns, Mike Vick. Never before and never again will a player be so dominate in a video game. People might argue that 2006-08 LT is the better choice, but he was a running back. Mike Vick could literally be your whole team. The ball never needed to touch anther players hands. Touchdown city, population Michael Vick.
-Matt
