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It’s Not Officially Football Season Until Tom Brady Puts Out An A+ Social Media Post #NFLKickoff2017

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When you are silent, it speaks.

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Leave it Tom Brady to get me pumped the fuck up for the NFL season. I guess it’s not enough that the Patriots are favored to win every game this year. They also need to have their most likely GOAT QB put together a goose bump inducing video package to get everyone jacked up. I’m not even a Patriots fan and I want to run through a goddamn wall right now. If you need me, I’ll be watching Brian Hoyer and Pierre Garcon highlights while I wait for the 49ers game on Sunday. I’m so sad.

-Ryan

Your Random, Average NFL Predictions for the 2014-15 Season

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For those of you who don’t know, the Average Nobodies are 49er (Ryan) and Buccaneer (Matt) fans, which means that we’ve been sad for a long time. But the NFL season is finally here, and so is fantasy football and Fan Duel and Pick ‘Em leagues, so for the time being, all is right in the world. Here are 4 random predictions we’ve come up with with little to no research to support them:

The Texans Defense Will Still Be Bad

Maybe not the boldest prediction, but any team who spends their No. 1 overall pick on a game changing defensive lineman is looking to improve their defense dramatically. There’s no disputing the Clowney/Watt combo will be ferocious, heart eating monsters, but I think a good defense is more than two guys. The Texans were the worst fantasy defense last year, and that had a lot to do with Matt Schaub giving the other team at least 14 points a game on pick six’s. This year? Ryan Fitzpatrick will be the starting quarterback, which means the Texans have somehow gotten worse at the quarterback position. The Texans defense will be playing with a short field all year, which is never good. In time, the Texans could build a solid defense around their two superstars, but for the immediate future, it’s not going to be pretty.

– Ryan

Brandin Cooks Will Break the NFL Rookie Receptions Record (101 catches)

I may be a little biased on this one, since Cooks is on my fantasy team, but he has the perfect scenario brewing in New Orleans. Drew Brees is his quarterback, and Drew Brees throws the ball. A lot. He’s not the Saints primary receiver, which mean he won’t draw the attention of the opposing teams best corner. The rookie reception record is 101 catches by Anquan Boldin, so Cooks would need 102 this year to break it. Pros: he’s insanely fast, in a high powered offense who will score a lot of points & he has one of the top 3 QBs in the game. Cons: he’s on my fantasy team, so he will probably get hurt.

– Ryan

Peyton Manning Will Still Be Really Good & Break His Own TD Record

Did a little research on this one: Peyton threw for 55 tds last year against 10 interceptions and completed 68% of his passes. Holy fuck is that amazing. He lost Knowshon, Decker, and for the first four games Welker, but I see him breaking his touchdown mark again. What he lost in Knowshon he’s gained in Monte Ball as his every down back. What he lost in Decker he’s gained in Emmanuel Sanders. Welker will be back for week 6 (week 4 is their bye) hopefully high on Adderall and Molly and ready to literally run through people’s exoskeletons. Plus he still has the leagues second best receiver and second/third best tight end, and I have a hunch he might have a chip on his shoulder after getting pooped on in the Super Bowl. Remember when he ran down the field in the pre season to talk smack to a defensive back to who hit Welker? This year is going to be the year of angry Peyton Manning. He may throw 100 tds.

– Matt

The NFL Will Hand Out $5 million+ In Fines This Year

Not sure how this one can be tracked, but with Isray’s $500,000 fine and all the suspensions/pre season fines, it seems like a fair prediction to say the NFL is going to be getting a lot of money from it’s players/owners this year. The pass interference flags have been almost intolerable this pre season, and while I understand player safety is a high priority, you still have to let these guys play the game. With that said, the commissioner of the league is the same guy who suspended a man 2 games for severely beating his wife and another guy four games for having fun at the Kentucky Derby. All bets are off, except the bet that the NFL is going to fine the shit out of everybody.

– Matt

Our Superbowl Predictions (Who We Want vs. What We Think)

Who I want: Tampa Bay vs. New England

Who I think: Philadelphia vs. New England

– Matt

Who I want: San Francisco vs. Denver

Who I think: Green Bay vs. New England

 

– The Average Nobodies

 

 

 

 

Feast Your Eyes on Episode 2 of Hangover Fantasy Sports Talk

We go over our draft picks and week one matchup. FOOTBALL IS FINALLY HERE.

http://www.youtube.com/theaveragenobodies

– The Average Nobodies

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