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075.5 Drafting Kickers Again

Episode 76 covering ‘The Battle of Winterfell’ is coming soon!

The Patriots Undrafted Free Agent Signings Included Twins Jake & Cody Hollister

This is pretty cool, the New England Patriots are in the process of signing undrafted free agents and just stumbled upon two great athletes that love nothing but competition. Cody is a 6’3″ WR out of Arkansas and his twin brother Jacob is a 6’4″ TE out of Wyoming. I like the sounds of that, wowzahs!

The twins trained for the draft in Fayetteville, which helped Jacob produce some eye-catching results at Wyoming’s Pro Day, where at 244 pounds, he clocked a 4.64 40, vertical jumped 36.5 inches and broad-jumped 10-1. Cody, coming off toe surgery before the Hogs bowl game, didn’t have his Pro Day until earlier this week. He weighed in at 208 pounds and, not shockingly, he produced almost identical workout numbers: running a 4.53 40; vertical-jumping 36 inches and broad-jumping 10-0. – Off The Monster Sports

In a true Grinch moment, Bill Belichick found some love in his cold, black heart and signed twin brothers Jake and Cody Hollister. Both Jake and Cody were undrafted free agents so it remains to be seen how far they’ll make it with the Patriots, but this is as feel good a story as you’ll get coming out of Foxborough. It also gives me a reason to throw in some of my favorite ‘twins’ gifs, including the Bella Twins. If Belichick and McDaniels don’t utilize twin magic then they’re insane.

Wwe GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Photo: Meme Super

Photo: On Sizzle

-The Doctah



The 49ers Picked Solomon Thomas & Reuben Foster In The First Round Of The #NFLDraft

Most mock drafts had the San Francisco 49ers taking Stanford defensive end Solomon Thomas at No. 2 overall in the 2017 NFL Draft. Those drafts were wrong, because the 49ers DIDN’T take Thomas … until No. 3 overall, a whole pick later after they traded down with the Chicago Bears.

That’s right, the 49ers took the player most expected, and they did it after earning an extra 2017 third-round pick, 2017 fourth-round pick and a 2018 third-round pick. But they weren’t done there, sneaking back into the first round at No. 31, where they grabbed linebacker Reuben Foster of Alabama. – Niners Nation

Epic Success!

Fans usually have two emotions following their teams fist round picks in the NFL Draft: elation or depression. It’s very rare to finish up round 1 and have a level headed opinion of the players your team just got, and that’s why I went with the elated GIF above. Solomon Thomas was the name most scouts and draft analyzers were throwing around for the #2 pick the 49ers were holding onto, but John Lynch and co. threw everyone a curveball at the last second. While they ended up selecting Thomas, they did so at #3 and orchestrated a trade with the Bears that netted them two later round picks this year and a third round pick in 2018. The Bears moved up a spot to grab Mitchell Trubisky and the 49ers took Thomas, but Unpredictable John wasn’t through yet.

Lynch made another trade, this time with division rival Seattle. The 49ers traded the Seahawks the #34 pick in the second plus the #111 pick in the fourth round to move up three spots to #31 in the first round. They selected Alabama LB Reuben Foster with that 31st pick, who could end up being the steal of the draft. While the 49ers still have some holes to fill on offense, I’d rather play with Hoyer/Barkley at QB and Garcon/Goodwin/Kerley/Robinson at WR than trot out a defense that made no upgrades from last year. I’m not expecting magic from a team that finished 2-14 last year, but it’s clear that Lynch and Shanahan have a vision for this team and are doing everything possible to get the right pieces in place. Plus, we left round 1 with one more pick than we had going into the night.

As far as the two picks the 49ers did make, here is how they’re described over on

Round 1: Pick 3 – Solomon Thomas DL, Stanford

Thomas, (6’3, 273) is regarded as one of the top pass-rushers in this year’s draft. This past year, Thomas was named first team All-Pac-12, third team All-American and won the Morris Trophy as the Pac-12 Defensive Player of the Year. Thomas started all 13 games totaling 62 total tackles, 14 for loss, and 8.5 sacks.

Round 1: Pick 31 – Reuben Foster, LB, Alabama

A unanimous first-team All-American and All-SEC pick. Foster, (6’0, 229) was named Butkis Award winner as the nation’s best linebacker. He was named MVP of the SEC Championship Game against Crimson and finished 2016 with 115 tackles, 13 for losses, and five sacks in 2016.


Hey Goodell, talk much? You’re reading off a goddamn card. Foster shouldn’t give you that much trouble to say. And if you don’t think I’m starting up a fan club called The Cake Froster’s that dresses up as pastry chefs for every 49ers game then I guess you don’t know me at all.


Dante Fowler Jr. Hasn’t Played A Game In The NFL Yet But His Outfit Last Night Was All Time


Dante Fowler Jr. just became my new favorite player. I might even get a Jaguars jersey just to support him. He was a dominant defensive force in a tough conference at Florida, and he’s doesn’t turn 21 until August, which makes me so god damn sad. While getting drafted by the Jaguars isn’t exactly winning the professional lottery, the Jags are in much better shape than they’ve been in years past. They have a young QB willing to learn who just got a mega weapon (if he can stay healthy) in Julius Thomas. Now they have a bonafide future stud in Fowler, who got progressively better each year at Florida, and again, he doesn’t turn 21 until August! All of that is nothing compared to the outfit Fowler wore last night, though. I love an athlete who isn’t afraid to show some personality, and that’s exactly what Fowler did last night. Look at those shoes! Gold shoes with spikes on them that make it look like he’s wearing a Stegosaurus’s back on his feet. The white suit is always a good look, too. Some people might call it outrageous, but I like Dante’s style. Watch out for those Jaguars this year. The animal and the team.

– Ryan

Welcome to Tampa, Jameis Winston!


The hero Tampa needs and deserves is finally home! James Winston was taken first, overall, by the Buccaneers in last night’s NFL draft. Including Jameis, the Bucs have taken five QBs in the first round, two, including Winston, came with the first overall pick (The other being Vinny Testaverde). If you look at some other franchises in the NFL, COUGH COUGH Browns COUGH COUCH…..(See what I did there), that isn’t that bad. In their 40 years as a franchise they have 1 Super Bowl, 1 NFC title, and 3 Hall of Famers. All of these accolades in the VERY distant past. tempSEL_0036--nfl_mezz_1280_1024Since 2006 the Bucs have been perennially at the bottle of the barrel when it comes to performance. Regardless of star performers over the years they could never get it together; In steps Jameis Winston to save the day. We have the offense in place that could do damage in this heavy passing league the NFL has become, and I feel that Jameis will be right at home, literally and figuratively, in Raymond James Stadium. He has the fans behind him, which was something that couldn’t be said for other Bucs first rounders, like Josh Freeman.

Josh Freeman was a gamble in the 2009, coming in at the 3rd QB taken that year (Behind Sanchez and Stafford) the majority of Tampa Bay fans didn’t see him as the answer. It showed, as Freeman had one of the most img23662107roller coaster-like careers in Buccaneers history. Fan attendance wavered, even when the team was winning, and you could feel the disapproval in the air of our then signal caller, Freeman. A lot of people gave, and still give, Freeman shit for never fully developing into the QB he could have been. I’ll tell you what, 3 coaches, 3 offensive coordinators, a couple QB coaches, and a fan base that despised you didn’t help.

Fast foraward a few years, jameis-winstonpast the bright spots (Glennon) and the dark spots (McCown) and we have a team, a city, and a fan base that is ready for a first round quarterback. Jameis Winston will hopefully click with the youngish offense that we have in place and take this franchise to the next level. If Mike Evans can pull in 13 TDs from the likes for Glennon and McCown then there is no reason he can’t click with Jaboo.

I think the rest of the NFL draft will be crucial for the Bucs. They need to address multiple concerns on the offensive and defensive line as well as solve some depth issues at cornerback and wide receiver. I put all my faith in Lovie and Licht.


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PS- How good does he look in Pewter and Red


The 49ers First Ever Alternate Uniforms Are Fierce As Hell

Everyone on our team, including the coaches, might be retiring or going somewhere else, but at least we got some cool ass uniforms. To say the 49ers are in the middle of a transition would be an understatement. The heart and soul of their offense AND defense are gone; the best coach they’d had since Bill Walsh is gone; but hey, they have alternate uniforms for the first time in history and they look pretty badass. I always look on the bright side, but it’s tough to expect much from a team that lost so much, who now have a first year head coach trying to get them back on track in a brutal division that is only getting better. Maybe the 49ers know this too, and they figured if they’re going to down, they’ll go down looking snazzy as hell.

– Ryan

Could The Patriots Give Off a More Galactic Empire/Evil Super Villain Vibe?

Really? Come on now, Pats. There weren’t any other DEs on the board that would have fit your “plan” better than Easley? Don’t get me wrong, this guy could be a stud, but does nobody else think that he was a reach in the first round? He’s had two knee surgeries which should have been a red flag from the word go. Patriot nation has been conditioned not to ever question Lord Bill, but I don’t know here. Or maybe i’m wrong and every other war room in the NFL is collectively shitting their pants because the Pats know something they don’t. Being all like: “Oh fuck, who is EASLEY? How could we have missed him?! Someones getting fired!”.


Bonus Monster Blog – NFL Draft Walk Up Songs

Roger Goodell is allowing the early round players drafted in tonights NFL draft to pick their own walk up song. Rog, may I call you Rog? Rog, this is a fantastic idea. We here at the Average Nobodies fully support anytime someone can put their personal touch on something. So, in light of this breaking news, The Average Nobodies have provided their walk up songs for when the NFL wakes up and realizes our immense talent. Here they are:

Rest in Peace (The Undertaker’s Theme Song)

Ryan Undertaker

I’m pretty sure 99% of the people on this planet have seen The Undertaker’s entrance at some point in their life, so I’m going to skip over explaining it. Just know that when I say The Undertaker’s entrance song, I mean the entire experience. Before Goodell can get my name out as the next pick, the lights will go out at Radio City Music Hall. The gong will hit, followed by an immense amount of smoke. So much smoke that people actually think something’s on fire. 15-20 minutes later I come out from backstage in full decorative garb to try on my Cleveland Browns jersey. Basically I ruin the entire NFL Draft.


Tiny Dancer, played live by Sir Elton

Matt Draft Music

The most important part about my draft song isn’t that it’s Tiny Dancer by Sir Elton John, but in fact, that it’s Tiny Dancer played LIVE by Sir Elton John. Maybe I throw some interpretive dance in there, maybe I don’t, either way this draft pick will be one for the ages. Whether I go as a punter to the Oakland Raiders (they love skill positions on the west coast) or I get scooped up as a running back for the Bucs (move over Dougie) this song will encapsulate my emotions perfectly.