Blog Archives
Erotic Cream Cheese Massage: Yay or Nay?
(Source) “Malaysian “spas” are dispensing with massage oil in favor of cream cheese in a kinky new offering in the country’s bustling erotic massage industry.
The weekend edition of the Malay-language Harian Metro said reporters from the tabloid discovered that some spas near the capital Kuala Lumpur were offering customers the option of being smeared with cream cheese.
The cheese is then licked from the customer’s body by their scantily-clad “masseuse,” usually a likely sex worker from China, Indonesia or Vietnam, the paper said on Sunday in what it billed as an investigative report on the sex industry.
Prostitution is illegal in predominantly Muslim Malaysia, where conservative attitudes toward sex prevail.
But the country’s media regularly portray a thriving sex industry involving prostitutes from China, Vietnam, Thailand and other less-developed countries in the region, and often disguised as massage operations.
In a follow-up report on Monday, Harian Metro quoted an official in the Kuala Lumpur suburb Subang Jaya, where a spa was reportedly offering the cheese treatment, as saying massage parlors would face stern action if found to be offering “irresponsible activities”.
“This activity is a serious disease in today’s society,” said Subang Jaya town council official Azfarizal Abdul Rashid.
Most Malaysians are relatively conservative Muslim ethnic Malays but the country also has sizable ethnic Chinese and Indian communities.
Police raids on prostitution operations are a staple of tabloids like Harian Metro, but authorities are widely viewed to generally turn a blind eye to the industry’s activities.”
On the one hand the thought of chinese sex workers licking cream cheese off my body is kind of repulsing. On the other hand, if I’m going to one of these Malaysian massage parlors and someone offers me a cream cheese massage I’m going to have a hard time saying no. How do you say no to that? I’m not proud of a lot of things I’ve done but i don’t want to be known as the guy who turned down a cream cheese massage. I’d become the laughing stock of the entire nation. I wouldn’t want to be the initiator, but if it’s put on my plate I’m going to eat it. Hopefully the terrible diseases that I’d 100% get from the sex workers will be worth it.
– Ryan
Tech Tuesday – Nokia Joins The Tablet Market
Some people call the Nokia 2520 the first Windows tablet, but I feel that distinction should go to the Surface RT. Even though the Nokia will run Windows 8 RT, I still feel the Surface is more a tablet than a full on laptop (although their commercials would like you to think differently).
So why get the Nokia 2520 over the Surface? Well, for one it is a lot thinner, coming in at just shy of 9mm. It comes with 32gb of internal storage with options for 32gb more via micro sd card slot. The 2520 is also sporting a 10.1″ 1080p displays that is protected by Gorilla Glass. You get a very “HTC One” like audio experience with it’s front facing speakers, and from reviews i’ve seen they sound pretty good. It is LTE compatible, so you need not worry about Wifi while on the go.
Who will buy the Nokia 2520? At $499 probably the same people who are buying the Surface RT and the people who have Windows smart phones. One of the big selling points, especially in the video above, is that it works pretty seamlessly with your other Nokia smart devices (smart phones specifically). This shows Windows finally catching up to the whole “ecosystem” approach to people’s personal tech. I think it’s still well behind iOS and Android, but it is finally making a push. Nokia makes some great hardware and Microsoft has designed a great looking mobile os. Now if they could only get more developers to want to spend time writing code for them!
-MattyV
PS- Microsoft and Nokia love those clip-on keyboards. Personally I think they are horrible to use.
Monsterblog Wednesday: Our Favorite Current SNL Cast Members
Saturday Night Live is just about back in full swing, after two solid episodes from Tina Fey and Miley Cyrus to start off the season. The big story heading into Season 39 was the cast overhaul that was forced upon Lorne Michaels due the departure of veteran cast members Jason Sudekis, Bill Hader and Fred Armisen. While the six new cast members have performed admirably over their inaugural episodes, there are also some veterans left over from previous seasons who have been thrust into the spotlight. The even mix of veteran and rookie performers could lead to a monster season for SNL, and we decided to pick our favorite male and female performer from this years cast.
Bobby Moynihan and Kate McKinnon
Bobby: Moynihan has been my favorite cast member for a few years now, and now that the heavy hitters are gone, it’s his time to shine. He seems to perform in almost every sketch, but really shines as the bumbling anchor in the Fox News sketch, and more notably as Drunk Uncle. Now that Stefon is gone, Drunk Uncle might be the best recurring character on Weekend Update.
Kate: McKinnon has slowly become a key player for SNL, and I’m of the opinion that this group of female SNL performers could turn out to be their best ever. It seems as if every impression she is scripted to do, she nails. Ellen DeGeneres and Jodie Foster are just a few of her spot on imitations. She’s also great on Weekend Update. Don’t take my word for it. Search Olya Povlatsky, the Russian immigrant, or Cecelia Gimenez, the Spanish women who defaced the Ecce Homo painting. She is far and away the most versatile performer on SNL, and her future is very bright.
– Ryan
Jay Pharoah and Nasim Pedrad
Jay: One of the most underrated personalties on Saturday Night Live is Jay Pharoah. This guy has impressions for days and is spot on with each one (Shannon Sharpe being his newest one, and probably most hilarious). While his on air talent is evident in the sketches he participates in, I didn’t realize how truly talented and creative he was until he got on Sway in the Morning:
Nasim: Besides the massive crush I have on Nasim, I really think she is one of the better females on Saturday Night Live today. She, like Jay, has a range of impressions that she nails in every skit. She is quick on her feet and has the intangible quality of looking like she isn’t reading off of a cue card (very similar to Taran Killam). Here is a video of her doing one of her best impressions, Kim K. Oh, and guess who plays Yeezy? You guessed it, Jay.
-MattyV
It’s All About the New Benjamin’s, Baby!
Benjamin Franklin is getting a makeover with the new 100 dollar bills. Apparently they spent over a decade perfecting the security to make it near impossible for counterfeiters to replicate the new bill. The advanced security features include a 3-D Security Ribbon and the Bell in the Inkwell.
“These offer a simple and subtle way to verify that a new $100 note is real.”
-newmoney.gov
“Subtle”? I think that big blue stripe is anything but subtle. But what do I know, i’m not a money designer.
-MattyV
PS- The only question I have is, will it affect my ability to make it rain? That’s my main concern.
If at First You Don’t Succeed, Bang Another Pro Athlete
Former USC basketball star Brynn Cameron, who you might know as NFL QB (Can we still call him that) Matt Leinart’s baby mama, just spit out another kid with another dad!. The dad being none other than NBA superstar dunker, Blake Griffin!
I see what you did there, Brynn. Matt Leinart’s time in the spotlight is over and it was time for you to move on to greener pastures. The ultimate power move if I ever saw one. Getting two different child support checks from two rich athletes? Brynn, you sly fox…and she is a FOX. Woof.
-MattyV
SNL Officially Announces New Cast Members
(Source) “When NBC’s Saturday Night Live kicks off Season 39, it will be with a sum total of six, not five, new featured players.
As previously rumored, AT&T pitchman Beck Bennett (pictured, right) and Kyle Mooney (who also perform with the sketch comedy group Good Neighbor), female impressionist Noël Wells and comedian John Milhiser are now confirmed to join the late-night sketch series’ ensemble. Also, SNL scribe Mike O’Brien will step in front of the cameras this season.
But in announcing on Monday the new on-camera additions, SNL lobbed another name into the mix: stand-up comedian Brooks Wheelan (pictured, left), who last month had been made a part of the show’s writing staff.
The official announcement comes on the heels of Lorne Michaels telling the New York Times that sophomore player Cecily Strong will co-anchor Weekend Update with Seth Meyers this season.
SNL returns Sept. 28, with host Tina Fey and musical guest Arcade Fire.”
There you have it. 6 fresh faces will be part of the 39th season of Saturday Night Live. While I’ve only seen Beck Bennett perform (I hope his legs aren’t as short as they look in those AT&T commercials), it’s hard not to trust Lorne Michaels and his staff when it comes to finding new comedic talent. Transitions are always tricky, especially in a show such as SNL, which relies heavily on the chemistry of it’s actors and actresses. And while we’ll definitely miss Armisen, Sudekis and Hader, the large void their departures created could produce the show’s next rising star. My money is on Bobby Moynahan, but no matter who steps up, Season 39 should be a doozy.
– Ryan
‘True Detective’ Looks Like the Next Smash Hit From HBO
It looks like HBO really does have a green thumb for original series. Starring Woody Harrelson and Matt “Dreamboat” McConaughey, True Detective follows two detectives as they hunt for a serial killer over a 16-year span. The first season will consist of 8 episodes, and if all goes well season 2 is said be shot “American Horror Story style”. Meaning it would have a whole new plot and characters. I can only imagine what HBO has in the pipeline for this show, and I can only dream of who else they could cast in the following seasons! That’s what I call a BOOM BABY. Look for it January 2014.
-MattyV
PS- HBO, if you are reading this, Ryan and I would like to put our hats in the ring for the parts of the next two detectives. We are a little rough around the edges, but we will allow being paid with a wrestling ring or beer (or both).
