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WWE Battleground Predictions

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Battleground is this Sunday. John Cena is defending his title in the main event and all is right with the world. Let’s get to the predictions.

Naomi vs. Cameron

It looks like the Funkadactyls are really splitting up (tear). Naomi is far more interesting/athletic than Cameron, so I’m hoping she pulls out a victory here. It looked like Naomi was going to be the #1 contender for Paige’s title, but then AJ Lee came back, which is a far more interesting feud for Paige. Most likely scenario: Naomi defeats Cameron, then get’s a beat down post match from Cameron and the resident lunatic Alicia Fox. Most unlikely scenario: Brodus Clay comes back and T-Bone suplexes everyone.

AJ Lee vs. Paige (WWE Divas Championship Match)

The main reason I like this feud is because both ladies can play their natural characters. AJ Lee looks like a baby face, Paige looks like a heel. AJ takes some time off to get married to he who shall not be named, and when she comes back, she’s a baby face. Paige has been an undercover heel ever since she “came out to congratulate” AJ on the Raw after WrestleMania, so why not just push her all the way. Most likely scenario: AJ retains, setting up a rematch at  Summerslam where Paige gets her true big moment with a title win. Most unlikely scenario: CM Punk comes back as the special guest referee, turns on AJ and proposes to Paige in the middle of the ring.

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev (USA vs. Russia!)

In case you missed Monday’s Raw, the Rusev/Lana vs. Swagger/Colter détente was the best segment of the show. Most of the credit for this great buildup has to go to Lana and Rusev, because wrestling 101 says you can’t have a loved baby face without a hated heel. The best part about this whole thing is Swagger and Colter have not changed a bit. They still defend America, they still hate foreigners, except this time we hate the foreigners too. Lana is so pitch perfect in her role, and she’s gone from smart heel (America is crumbling) to crazy heel (America is stupid) which is very important. It’s tough to hate a heel when everything they’re saying is right. It’s easy to hate a heel when they’re just ignorant. Most likely scenario: I really want Rusev to win here. I think it’s too early to break his undefeated streak, and this is the best WWE has built up a wrestler in awhile. This is exacly how they should of built up Ryback, with squash matches to start then slowly challenge him with real threats. Rusev with the Accolade for the win. Most unlike scenario: Colter/Obama rush the ring to save Swagger from a Lana/Rusev/Putin three on one attack.

Intercontinental Title Battle Royal

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Poor Bad News Barrett. Not only did he have to forfeit his title, but now he has to sit ringside Sunday and watch somebody else take it from him. There’s a lot of quality talent in this match, and I’m assuming whoever wins will be feuding with BNB upon his return. My two picks would be Cesaro and Bo Dallas. Cesaro because he’s the best guy in the match, and he really needs some direction. Bo Dallas because he’s the best heel in this match, and I’m assuming BNB comes back as a baby face. Plus, imagine that victory lap after a title win!? Most likely scenario: Cesaro wins and continues his over the top rope battle royal dominance. Most unlikely scenario: Zack Ryder lasts more than 12 seconds.

Ric Flair vs. The Ring

Just kidding. That would be good though.

The Uso’s vs. Harper & Rowan (2 out of 3 Falls for the Tag Team Championship)

I thoroughly enjoyed this match at MITB, and I have zero problem giving these teams enough time to put on a classic. The usual recipe for 2 out of 3 falls matches are a quick first fall, then the other team winning the second fall setting up a third and final winners take all match. The Uso’s have been great as tag team champs, but I love @akathemaskedman’s prediction of Harper & Rowan winning here, setting up a feud with Goldust and Stardust at Summerslam. If that happens, WWE can take all my money, and the tag team scene will officially be back on the map. Most likely scenario: Harper & Rowan win, and we finally have a true heel(s) as a champion. Most unlikely scenario: The Uso’s pull a Bella twins magic switch to retain and I light myself on fire.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho

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This is the feud that will prove WWE is taking Wyatt seriously as a performer. He’s feuded with top stars (Bryan, Cena) but has looked like absolute shit. I think people are so  caught up in the uniqueness of the character that they refuse to see anything wrong with it. Don’t get me wrong, he’s amazing. He’s magic on the microphone and he’s getting better and better in the ring. He adds little subtleties to his character, like the spider walk, or making his own shirts, that are awesome. But his promo got “boring” chants on Raw, and while the crowd was dumb for chanting it, I definitely understand it. Uproxx wrote an article on five ways to tweak his character, and I love their points. He says he doesn’t care about wins and losses, yet whenever he’s losing, Harper & Rowan rush the ring to make sure he doesn’t lose. He says he wants to change John Cena, bring out the darkness in him, then he loses two out of three PPV matches and moves on. Part of this is WWE’s fault, but part of it has to fall on the performer. Who cares about the little girl who had no friends in high school. Who cares about the having the whole world in your hands. Fuck the fans. Adapt that CM Punk cult personality and show everyone why you’re right and they’re wrong. He’s got the right dance partner in baby face Jericho, so let’s see if this is the feud that puts Wyatt over the top. Most likely scenario: Jericho steals a non convincing victory, because this feud should go on for a few more PPV’s. Most unlikely scenario: Wyatt get’s distracted by Jericho’s light up jacket, falls out of his rocking chair, and we never see him again.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins

AKA the match of the night. There’s no reason these two shouldn’t go out and just tear the house down. They’re familiar with each other, and they have a clear reason to be fighting: Rollins turned his back on his brother to be a corporate yuppie, and you don’t turn your back on a legitimate psycho. I expect Ambrose to be the brawler and Rollins to duck and cover for the beginning of this match, but then they should fly. Most likely scenario: Rollins wins, possibly with some help from The Authority. Most unlikely scenario: Dean Ambrose gets on the microphone post match and declares his new name is Jeans Ambrose.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns vs. Kane vs. Randy Orton – Fatal Four Way WWE Championship Match

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Cena wins. That much is clear. But this should be a good showcase for Roman Reigns, the heir apparent to the baby face throne. Kane and Orton have also been teasing a lot of tension lately, so I wouldn’t be surprised if their bickering led to Cena pinning either one of them to retain. This will lead to Plan B, which is Seth Rollins, but since Plan B is always interrupted by Jeans Ambrose (his new name now. it has been decided), HHH will have no other option but to go with Paul Heyman’s Plan C, Brock Lesnar. I don’t think Lesnar shows up at Battleground, but his return is looming. Hopefully this match serves three purposes: get Reigns out of the title picture for now and have him feud with Orton/HHH. Have Cena move on and get his ass kicked by Lesnar. Have Kane retire forever. Most likely scenario: And still WWE Champion, JAAAAHHHHNN Ceeeennnaaa. Most unlikely scenario: anything else.

 

Enjoy the PPV, and follow us @averagenobodies as we’ll be live tweeting. I’ll make a lot of Jeans Ambrose jokes. Have a good weekend everybody.

– Ryan

 

 

 

 

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Your Average ‘Money in the Bank’ Preview

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Money in the Bank is live from Boston this Sunday, and the Average Nobodies will be there. Look for the 8 very inebriated guys wearing ref shirts and screaming obscenities while children look on in horror. Rusev/Big E and Summer Rae/Layla are rumored to be game day add on’s, but for the love of Bill Paxton, please no. Just send Lana out to warm up the crowd because we likey, but leave the other four in the back. Here are our predictions for the pay per view:

<Paige (C) vs. Naomi

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For whatever reason (not enough TV time, not enough talent) the Diva’s division has been the weak link in the WWE for a long time. With the mini resurgence of the tag team division, and legitimate stars like Bad News Barrett and Sheamus holding the IC and US titles, the Diva’s division is low on the totem pole by a large margin. With AJ Lee seemingly not returning anytime soon, it’s up to this current crop of Divas to lead the charge. This should be a fun, quick match: Paige has been impressive when given enough time, and Naomi is the most athletic Diva when she’s not busy getting her eyeball kneed into her brain. WWE has been teasing a Funkadactyls breakup for a few weeks now, so we can see Cameron costing Naomi the match here and Paige retaining.

Goldust & Stardust vs. Rybaxel

Say what you will about Stardust, but he’s different. The most common complaint among WWE fans is that wrestling is too predictable and boring, and now that we have Stardust, he’s too over the top and weird. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS PEOPLE. Cody Rhodes is a great performer, whether he’s wearing a facemask or face paint, so as long as he’s in the ring I’m happy. Goldust is enjoying one of the best stretches of his career, and combined with Cody’s newfound persona, they have the potential to be a really fun tag team. On the flipside, Rybaxel have found their latest niche, and have some serious chemistry as a tag team. Goldust and a variety of partners have been fighting Rybaxel for what seems like years now, but I think the addition of Stardust can give this match the freshness it needs. Fingers crossed for Sin Cara-esque mood lighting, and we see Goldust and Stardust continue their momentum and grab a strong win.

The Uso’s (C) vs. Harper & Rowan

If this event didn’t showcase two ladder matches, I’d say the tag team title match between The Uso’s and Harper & Rowan would have a chance to steal the show. Either way, I expect this match to be exciting, mostly because it has the perfect dynamic: agile, popular faces versus tough, monster heels. Both of these teams look best when their opponents really sell their moves, and The Uso’s REALLY sell moves, while Harper & Rowan can really move and eat planchas and super kicks.  Look for Harper & Rowan to control most of the match with their overwhelming power, but hopefully The Uso’s will retain, continuing this feud until Summerslam when Harper & Rowan nab the gold. Also, very excited to experience Harper & Rowan’s new entrance live. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch the video above or check out our post on it.

MITB Ladder Match For the Briefcase: Seth Rollins v. Dean Ambrose v. RVD. v. Kofi Kingston v. Jack Swagger v. Dolph Ziggler v. Bad News Barrett (?)

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The question mark is after Bad News Barrett’s name because apparently Jack Swagger hates when other wrestlers gain momentum. Swagger tossed Barrett into the barricade on Smackdown this week and separated his shoulder. With Barrett most likely out of the match, the favorites to win have to be Rollins and Ambrose. They have the only “feud within the match” storyline, and look for Ambrose to do everything in his power to make sure Seth Rollins doesn’t grab that briefcase. Which means Seth Rollins will grab that briefcase. While I’d love to see Ziggler win, Rollins winning makes the most sense. He just turned heel, and has aligned himself with The Authority. Getting the briefcase is the boost his new character could benefit from, and also adds another dimension to the Ambrose/Rollins that will probably continue on after the pay per view. Swagger, Kofi, RVD and Ziggler round out a stellar cast for this match, and it should feature spots galore. And if WWE needs a replacement for BNB, we’ve got you covered:

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MITB Ladder Match For the Title: John Cena v. Randy Orton v. Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio v. Cesaro v. Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns v. Kane

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(Couldn’t find a picture with Kane in it which pretty much sums up his chances)

It’s fun to be optimistic sometimes, and predict that a real fan favorite (Reigns) or a bad guy who’s turning into a fan favorite (Wyatt) is going to win this match. But then you see this bright green shadow decked out in arm bands and jorts and you come back to reality. Nothing would be better than having one of the younger guys (Cesaro, Reigns, Wyatt) end the show standing atop the ladder with both titles, but it’s just not going to happen. In the long run, that’s a good thing. There is a certain streak conqueror we haven’t seen since WrestleMania who will absolutely be back in the next month or so (or sooner, see below) and that Beast will be coming for the WWE champion. Giving any of those guys their first major title only to have them get destroyed by Lesnar at Summerslam makes zero sense. While Cena winning may suck at first, it makes sense. Lesnar/Cena will draw in the fans and the viewers for the pay per view, and the rest of the participants in the MITB title match aren’t hurt by a loss because not only did they lose to Super Cena, but neither of them were pinned or submitted. So Cena will most likely end the pay per view atop the ladder, but don’t rule out Lesnar storming the ring post match and laying him out, sending the crowd into a frenzy and making this Monday’s Raw a must-see.

– The Average Nobodies

It’s WWE Network Day!

The Get Down

Goodbye social life. It’s been real.

– The Average Nobodies

Blockbuster is the Most Resilient Company in the History of the World

“ENGLEWOOD, Colo., Nov 06, 2013 (BUSINESS WIRE) — –Franchised and licensed stores in the U.S. and abroad to remain open for business

DISH NetworkCorporation today announced that its subsidiary, Blockbuster L.L.C., will end its retail and by mail DVD distribution operations by early-January 2014. The company will close its approximately 300 remaining U.S.-based retail stores, as well as its distribution centers.

“This is not an easy decision, yet consumer demand is clearly moving to digital distribution of video entertainment,” said Joseph P. Clayton, DISH president and chief executive officer. “Despite our closing of the physical distribution elements of the business, we continue to see value in the Blockbuster brand, and we expect to leverage that brand as we continue to expand our digital offerings.”

The Blockbuster By Mail service will end mid-December and will serve existing customers until that time.

Over the past 18 months, Blockbuster has divested itself of assets in the United States, as well international assets, including operations in the United Kingdom and Scandinavia. DISH will continue to support Blockbuster’s domestic and international franchise operations, relationships and agreements.”

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I had a cat once. His name was Rascal (affectionately known as Manny by his closest friends), and he was a great cat in his prime. Fun to be around, energetic; he even used to run around outside and catch mice and birds out of thin air. As Rascal got older, he mellowed out. He was still a good cat, but it was clear his golden cat years were behind him. As he got into his mid to late teen years, Rascal got various ailments, including a kidney diesease that caused him to go partially blind. One day we took him to the vet, and they prescribed him kidney medication which miraculously cured his blindness. Rascall eventually passed, but he waa the most resilient cat I’ve ever been around.

Blockbuster is Rascal the cat. I could’ve swore they closed down every store 10 years ago. Apparently they had a Blockbuster by mail service? Who the hell knew. Nothing like sending out a few advertisements letting people know. I hope this is the final nail in the coffin, just like Rascals kidney disease and subsequent blindness. You never want to see something that was once so great have to live a life on it’s knees. It’s like watching Jordan play for the Wizards. Let’s hope Blockbuster goes out gracefully.

– Ryan

Monday Night Raw Recap – 8/12/13

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett w/ guest ref Brad Maddox

Good match. Daniel Bryan get’s “cheated” out of the win with the Maddox fast count, yet still looks good as he got in a lot of offense. He hasn’t had a bad match in what seems like years. bryan2 copy

Orton vs. Sandow

Really good match. I wouldn’t mind these two feuding, as Sandow could carry the feud on the mic and Orton Is still super over with the crowd. Orton wins after Cody provides the distraction and Sandow gets RKO’d. jh copy

PS- Love Sandow’s briefcase.

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Sneaky good Ambrose/Shield promo I can’t see Ambrose losing the US Title anytime soon

Great Lesnar promo! Need more of those. Followed by a CM Punk promo where he quotes one of my favorite TV characters of all time, Omar from the The Wire: “you come at the king, you best not miss”.

Khali and Natalya beat Big E Langston & AJ Lee Filler match, with the ref missing the original submission finish. Probably the last time you see that ref.

VKM/Maddox/HHH promo Maddox as the special guest ref at SS? Or is it HHH? Judging from the pedigree, looks it’s going to be the three H’s.

P.S. Vince’s suit. Male Woof.

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You can always tell the worth of a man by the way he takes a pedigree. #wwe @arda_ocal

— Mattchew (@MattyV1989) August 13, 2013

Kane vs. Titus O’Neil Kane wins a short match with a choke slam. Here comes the Wyatt’s! Usual entrance, with Bray Wyatt sitting in the rocking chair, while Rowan and Harper enter the ring and stalk their prey. Swerve! Kane sneaks out of the ring, and with the flick of his wrists makes fire come out of the ring posts! Quick, effective segment. Can’t wait for the ring of fire match at Summerslam.

P.S. The goat mask that Erick Rowan rocks is going to be a fashion staple for the Fall of 2013. You can either jump on board or be left in the dust.

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Alberto Del Rio def. Kofi Kingston

So glad Kofi is back. Another really good match. Del Rio makes Kofi tap out, but Kofi looked really good in this match. I’m also glad he now wears pants to the ring.

Christian Promo Could it really be his last match? I really hope not.

Zeb Colter and The Real Americans I don’t think there is anyone in the WWE who is better than Zeb on the mic right now. “Letting immigrants cross our boarders like a hoard of rats.”…”if California floats into the Pacific Ocean that is 2.5 million reasons why America is a better place to live.” He could turn any crowd on himself. maxresdefault_crop_north

Also, can we talk about Cesaro’s flag cape? Pure power moves all-around for the Real Americans.

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The Real Americans vs. The Usos

Decent match, with The Uso’s picking up the win with a roll up. I’m not sure where they’re going with this storyline, but as much as I like the Uso’s, I’d love to see Cesaro and Swagger got a shot at the tag titles.

Miz TV featuring Cena and Daniel Bryan

Great back and forth. Bryan is slowly becoming a great promo guy and Cena always has an awesome rebuttal. I don’t think HHH needs to be involved, which goes to show how good the lead up has been. They’ve done a great job hyping this match and I think it’ll be the best match of the night on Sunday.

Fandango vs. R-Truth (kind of)

Fandango and R-Truth have a weird dance off. I have to imagine the Miz TV segment ran long so they rushed this one. At least we got to see sweet Summer Rae image WOOF

20 Man Battle Royal – Winner faces US Champion Dean Ambrose at Summerslam

Normal battle royal match. Cool spot with Kofi, Cesaro and Swagger towards the end of the match as Kofi got thrown over the top rope but held onto Cesaro and his feet dangled but never touched the ground ala HBK at the Royal Rumble. RVD and Mark Henry are your final two participants, with RVD picking up the win. The Shield’s music hits, but before they can take out Henry and RVD, the Big Show returns! Could setup a Big Show/Henry vs. Reigns/Rollins match.

Paul Heyman vs. CM Punk

Heyman comes out and runs down Punk on the mic, eventually bringing out Brock Lesnar. He tells Punk he has two choices, either be the “smart coward” and stay backstage and live to fight another day (Summerslam), or be the “stupid hero” and get his ass kicked tonight. Punk’s music hits, but there is no sign of Punk on the entrance ramp. He comes out through the crowd, grabs a camera and bashes Brock over the head. Lesnar takes head shots better than anybody. He beats Brock down with a chair, then chases Heyman up the ramp, where is greeted by Curtis Axel, who gets a GTS on the ramp for his troubles. RAW ends with Punk standing tall and Lesnar licking his wounds outside of the ring.

Overall a really good RAW, with several solid matches and an unbelievable back and forth promo between Cena and Bryan. If you weren’t excited for Summerslam before RAW, you should certainly be excited now.

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