Blog Archives
Taking Bets – Will Brandon Bass Drown Before He Learns to Swim?
I have been following this story for a while now. The deal is that Celtics forward, Brandon Bass, is learning to swim…at age 28. Why? So that other kids will learn this useful life skill. That’s all well and good, but I’m not sure if Brandon knew what he was getting himself into. We are well over a month into this charity event, and Brandon still can’t swim. Let’s take a look.
Looking out of place would be an understatement here. Kids goggles on his head and the the classic “I’m fucked” look on his face.

Followed by Bass swimming towards the arms of his instructor. Do you think he freaks out if he can’t touch the bottom? By the panicked look on his face I can tell he does. I taught swim lessons for a while and I can tell you that kids like Bass are the worst to deal with. Always needing to be held while in the deep end and shit. Crying, throwing fits, just completely out of hand. Maybe he just needs a sink or swim situation to finally get this whole swimming thing through his over-sized head. Just toss him in the deep end and see what happens. Worst case scenario, Celtics gain a little cap space.
Taking bets! Sink or Swim?
-MattyV
PS- We can parlay the bet with whether or not he takes another kid down with him.
How I Fix the NBA – More Jumping
Here is an info graphic taken from USAToday.com
You know what this tells me? Popovich and co. need to work on some showmanship. Basketball in recent years has taken a turn for the worst. i.e the “announcement”, anything Ron Artest does, anything Metta World Peace does, David Stern being operated internally by a small alien, and The King who cried foul. I digress. Lets spark up this NBA season and get some viewers back. 5 alley-oops over the past two years? That is unacceptable. That also goes for anyone who is putting up less than 70. Clean up your acts, move the ball, and break some backboards. Don’t make me call Jackie Mooooooon
-MattyV
Twitter News Weekly – Government Shutdown, Dwight Howard, Thursday Night Football
– The Average Nobodies
Michael Beasley Beat the Shit Out of Himself During the Heat’s Preseason Game
(Source) “Michael Beasley is pretty hard on himself sometimes. Beasley received his first minutes of playing time and he was great. He scored nine points in his first five minutes of action and was diving on the floor and doing things coaches generally like to see out of players trying to make a roster. Of course, Beasley also did something a little odd after one offensive play. Upset with himself over missing a shot, Beasley started punching himself in the head while running back on defense. He punched himself so hard that he needed treatment after the game from the Heat’s trainer. Steel compresses (like the ones cut doctors use in boxing) were applied to Beasley’s brow in the locker room.”
Anyone who has ever wondered why Michael Beasley never panned out should look no further than this story. He’s on the best team in the world, with the best player in the world, and all he has to do is not be an asshole and he’ll win an NBA title. What does he do? He scores 9 points in 5 minutes (very good) and punches himself repeatedly in the head after a missed shot (very bad). Punching yourself in the head so hard that you need medical treatment is the definition of being an asshole. Somebody get Beasly a bag of skittles and some Sprite for that self inflicted hangover pronto.
– Ryan
Eyelid Tattoos: Yay or Nay?

I’m gonna say nay. Now if this was a neck tattoo, I’d be all over it. Neck tattoos establish dominance. Eyelid tattoos make me question your sanity. My Mavs probably won’t be as good this year, considering every key free agent signed with another team. But what we lack in talent, we make up for in players who are crazy enough to get two eyelid tattoos. Here’s to another losing season.
– Ryan
Would You Pay $1M to Watch a Lakers/Heat Game Courtside in Miami?
(Source) Did you just win the lottery? Oh good, because I have a terrific way for you to spend some of that money.
If you’re in the market to drop a cool million on a basketball game, then the matchup between the Miami Heat and Los Angeles Lakers on Jan. 23 is one for you. For that game, tickets are going for the bargain price of $1.1 million.
That’s not a joke.
Would I pay $1M to watch a Lakers/Heat game?
I’d rather buy one million hamburgers from McDonalds and die from obesity than ever go to a Miami Heat home game.
– Ryan
If at First You Don’t Succeed, Bang Another Pro Athlete
Former USC basketball star Brynn Cameron, who you might know as NFL QB (Can we still call him that) Matt Leinart’s baby mama, just spit out another kid with another dad!. The dad being none other than NBA superstar dunker, Blake Griffin!
I see what you did there, Brynn. Matt Leinart’s time in the spotlight is over and it was time for you to move on to greener pastures. The ultimate power move if I ever saw one. Getting two different child support checks from two rich athletes? Brynn, you sly fox…and she is a FOX. Woof.
-MattyV









