It’ll All Be Over Soon: Scientists Have Found Sharks Living In An Underground Volcano Lair
Oh Good – Over four days, Brennan Phillips’ expedition team boated closer and closer to Kavachi, an underwater volcano off the Solomon Islands.
Even without such theatrics it’s a dangerous place though. “Divers who have gotten close to the outer edge of the volcano have had to back away because of how hot it is or because they were getting mild skin burns from the acid water.”
So the team strategically deployed their instruments—including disposable robots, underwater cameras, and National Geographic’s deep-sea Drop Cam—to get a broad look at the whole volcano, including what the bottom looks like. Their biggest surprise was that hammerheads and silky sharks showed up on their deep-sea Drop Cam footage—in numbers.
Well this is frightening. Sharks are kind of frightening in general. Granted we’re stupid for being surprised when we get eaten by them since they live in the water and we don’t, but this is some next level shit. Sharks living in an underground volcano lair like some kind of Dr. Evil/Jaws hybrid is truly terrifying. And you know they’re plotting in there. Breathing in the carbon dioxide and methane gas, thinking of ways they can adapt to survive on land and eliminate the human race. While these scientists are busy trying to study the sharks, I’m going to imitate my little buddy above and say NOPE and get the hell out of here.
Vampire Crabs Are Apparently A Real Thing & They’re Terrifying
Please No – Two new species of “vampire crabs” have been identified by scientists.
Their bright yellow eyes have a piercing glare as sharp as their pincers, but don’t worry too much about these tiny critters sucking your blood any time soon.
Peter Ng, Christoph Schubart and Christian Lukharp identified the new species, named Geosesarma dennerle and Geosesarma hagen, in the Raffles Bulletin of Zoology (pdf of the study can be found here). They traced the habitat of the freshwater crabs to Java, Indonesia, after years of ambiguity about their exact origins.
“These crabs are kind of special because they’ve been around in the pet trade for 10 years, but no one knew where they came from,” Lukhamp told National Geographic.
Dealers claimed that they were taken from locations as diverse as Sulawesi, Krakatau or the Riau Islands, as well as Java.
Nicknamed vampire crabs for their yellow eyes, they’re also distinguished by their deep purple or bright orange shells. Since their discovery roughly 10 years ago, they’ve been exported to Europe, East Asia and North America.
You know what’s terrifying? The ocean, and everything that lives in or near it. Whether it’s a shark or a giant squid or a god damn VAMPIRE CRAB, the ocean is absolutely insane. I never understood why people would be surprised if they got attacked by a shark or some kind of oceanic animal. That’s their world. We own the land, they own the sea. Don’t go into their world and be surprised when they attack you. The newest, and possibly most terrifying thing to come out of the ocean is the vampire crab. It’s a crab, but instead of being normal and delicious they’re yellowed eyed purple shelled monsters. They’re supposedly harmless, but I just refuse to trust something that looks like that. Rule number one of trusting someone or something should state that if something as yellow, glowing eyes, you don’t trust it. Blanket statement. If these things somehow make their way to North America via the pet trading market I’m running for the hills. Those yellow eyes are staring into my soul.
Meet Larry Da Leopard
I was flipping through the channels late last night and happened to land on a new episode of Taboo on the National Geographic Channel. Imagine my surprise when Larry Da Leopard popped on my screen. I’m on record for being all aboard the neck tattoo train, but face tattoo’s are an entirely different story. In my opinion, getting a face tattoo is the last step before a complete mental breakdown. I’d be shocked if Mr. Leopard didn’t start eating shoes for breakfast. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I hope Larry disappears into the wildneress and joins his leopard brothers and sisters. It’s only a matter of time before he starts marking the doors of homes with newborn babies with white chalk. The most disturbing part of this story? People actually go to Larry Da Leopard for tattoo’s. Nice, wholesome guy. With leopard spots tattooed on his face.
P.S. IF I ever get an animal face tattoo, it would be jaguar spots. Then we’ll see who the real psychopath is.