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Insane Instagram Comments – @NiykeeHeaton

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Oh no. For woman like Niykee Heaton, social media must be an awful place. She’s undoubtedly beautiful and talented, and has a plethora of wonderful photos all over Instagram. But she must know that every time she puts up a picture, comments are going to come flooding in like a river full of shit. Case in point – Niykee posts a picture of herself in a shirt with a quote on it and beezeyf decides that NOW is a good time let her know that he would spit on her. Not that he’s going to spit on her. Just needed to let her know that she is spitting material. Now I know we live in a demented society, but I can’t imagine this pick up line has ever worked. It’s just such an aggressive stance. Long gone are the days of ‘I’d like to take you out for a nice soda’. Now we’re jumping straight to being spit on.

-Ryan

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Double Dose of Insane Instagram Comments Today: Devin Brugman, I Apologize in Advance

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A post shared by Devin Brugman (@devinbrugman) on

My sweet Devin Brugman. Her Instagram is like a Picasso painting, if Picasso painted multiple paintings a day and they looked like beautiful women. Just like every other smoke show on Instagram, Devin Brugman is not immune to the insanity that is the comment section of a social media site:

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Roddy Karate (kind of a cool name) had himself a day on Instagram. Added extra letters to some words. Taking letters out of others. Just zero regard for proper grammar or human life. Single handedly bringing back the word “sweater puppies” and making me want to cut out my eyes at the same time. That is a horrifying image. I feel like I overuse the word “horrifying”, but that comment is horrifying. There’s no silver lining. There’s no “oh that’s not that bad”. Just a deranged, insane comment. As wonderful as it to have Devin Brugman in this world, it is equally horrible to have Roddy Karate in it. Weird, wild stuff.

– Ryan

Kelly Kelly (Barbie Blank) is Back on Instagram. Let’s All Be Thankful

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#lovedthisshoot!

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Barbie Blank’s Instagram has the Average Nobodies seal of approval.

Seal of Approval

 

I Wanna Be Best Friends with Chrissy Teigen

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And by best friends I mean passionate lovers. She’s a swimsuit model, she’s one of the funniest people on Twitter and she’s a swimsuit model. That’s why we in the business call a triple threat. Plus she’s married to John Legend and best friends with Erin Andrews and Brooklyn Decker. Imagine those sexy parties? That’s something I need to be apart of. With my ability to consume alcohol and rapist wit, I’d fit in in no time. Hey Chrissy, if you’re out there, let Uncle Ryan into your inner circle. It’ll be the worst decision of your life.

– Ryan

Lolo Jones is the Hottest Thing in Bobsledding

 

 

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Ever since Lolo jumped on the scene, and into my heart, at the last Olympics I have been following her (on social media) like a well trained stalker (that doesn’t help my case). I love you, Lolo. Be my valentine?

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Kate Upton Should Run For Queen Of America

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I’ve always been a fan of England’s power system. The prime minister might think he makes the decisions but it’s really up to the king and queen. He knows it, I know it, you know it. Being “the king” of something just sounds so much more badass than President. Companies have presidents. Country’s should have kings and queen. If America is going to name our first queen it should be someone who makes the Queen of England look like an old piece of shit. While that’s pretty much the easiest thing in the world to do, it would still be nice for the Queen of America to be someone who is nice to look at and has hall of fame boobs. Enter Kate Upton. Talk about having the world by the balls. SI cover girl two times over. Movie star. Model of the Year. Oh yeah and she’s 21. No biggie smalls. Get Clooney as her king and this country will prosper like never before.

– Ryan

81ThirdKid Needs To Pump His Brakes

This is Devin Brugman:

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Grade 5 Sharknado. She cofounded the company A Bikini A Day, which thankfully for us means she’s pretty much in a bikini 24/7. She’s got a body even Elton John would love and a face to match. When she puts up a new picture on Instagram, many of us can’t even find the words to describe what we’re looking at it. Unfortunately, 81ThirdKid can find the words.

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Hey pal, you’re talking to a goddess here, not some eyebrow free homeless woman in Kennedy Plaza. His comment starts off pleasantly, but quickly takes a turn to bizarro world and never really recovers. Why would you want to go through all that for a steak dinner date over Skype. At least request a face to face dinner. 81ThirdKid is the definition of the term shit for brains. And next time your going to ruin one of Devin Brugman’s pictures, leave Rosie O’Donnell out of it. I can’t picture them both at the same time again. My brain might explode.

– Ryan

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