Picnic – An Iowa City man was arrested at a park Sunday after passersby noticed him lying naked on a picnic table and masturbating. Confronted by witnesses, Gerald C. Meyer, 53, allegedly said he was “playing with himself,” police told the Iowa City Press-Citizen.

Police caught up with the suspect shortly after the 8:16 p.m. incident when they found him in a van matching the witnesses’ description. The witnesses later identified Meyer in a six-photo lineup, KCRG reports.

Meyer is charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor. He was booked and released on Sunday.

Imagine you and your family are having a picnic on a beautiful sunny day. The strawberries are extra ripe, the apple juice is ice, ice cold, and you can’t remember a moment when you’ve ever been happier. Now picture that picnic with a middle aged man masturbating naked on the picnic table next to you. Doesn’t have the same warm, fuzzy feeling does it? The real shocker here is that Gerald drives a van. You don’t say? The naked picnic table masturbator drives a van? Way to stick to the stereotype, Gerry. In cases like this I’ve always wondered if the masturbator has friends. When my friends asked me what I did today I tell them I went to work and then out to dinner. Does Gerry tell his friends that he masturbated naked on a picnic table? On second thought, I probably don’t’ want to know.

– Ryan