Oh my sweet Clooney. Some people look forward to Christmas. Some people look forward to their birthday. I look forward to George Clooney’s media week. He’s promoting Monuments Men, which I will probably see, but right now the matter at hand is Clooney. Letterman one day, The Daily Show the next (YouTube has banned the Daily Show video. Nobody bans Clooney!). So effortless. So suave. Cracking jokes, making everyone in the room feel like they’ve been best friends for years. If I ever met a magic genie, I’d wish for George Clooney to come out with 52 movies a year, so we’d never have to be apart.
The oatmeal created an awesome (and accurate) breaking bad chart that analyzes each character’s tendency for violence vs. how much hair they have. Since George Zimmerman can’t see to keep his fat head out of trouble, I decided to do a little analyzing of my own.
Here’s George Zimmerman in 2005 after a domestic violence incident. Still not a choir boy, but the case was eventually thrown out. Also, notice Zimmerman has a full head of hair and he’s fat.
Here’s George Zimmerman towards the end of the Trayvon Martin trial, and only a few months before his most recent domestic violence incident. He isn’t pure evil by any means, and he’s grown out his hair and somehow gotten fatter.
Fresh off a murder George Zimmerman. That’s right, no hair, semi-skinny, and now he’s a murderer. Shot an unarmed kid. When George Zimmerman is fat with a full head of hair, he get’s into minor domestic disturbances. When George Zimmerman gets a buzz cut and loses weight, he turns into a murderer.
Moral of the story: whether you’re cooking meth to feed your family during a cancer battle or a member of the neighborhood watch, if you’re skinny with a shaved head and a goatee you’re a cold blooded murderer.
“Brandon Moore has texted ESPN New York’s Rich Cimini to dispute the original report, saying that he is waiting for the right opportunity After testing the free agency waters and finding them unsuitable, former Jets offensive guard Brandon Moore is expected to retire after 10 seasons in the NFL, according to ESPN contributor Adam Caplan. Moore originally signed with the Jets in 2002 as an undrafted free agent and served as an anchor on the team’s offensive line for the next decade, starting 142 games, including a streak of 137 straight. Cap issues and the selection of guard Brian Winters in the 2013 draft prompted the Jets to part ways with Moore this offseason. Moore was pursued by and took visits to the Detroit Lions and Miami Dolphins, but did not reach an agreement with either. Reports suggested the 33-year-old was asking for starting player money and teams were unwilling to go that high. Despite his many accomplishments on the field over his 10 seasons, including a Pro Bowl selection in 2011, Moore is perhaps best known for his role in the 2012 Mark Sanchez “Buttfumble” incident. That’s him, No. 65, unintentionally demolishing his quarterback and creating a yet-unbroken streak on SportsCenter’s Worst of the Worst”. – sbnation.com
You were born Brandon Moore, but you’ll always be known as “butt fumble” to us. An ode to “butt fumble”:
You were a Jet, always on guard
Wearing green and white, battered and scarred
You protected Mark, as best as you could
Though your team was better off, with an old piece of wood
You wore number 65, a proud and strong man
Who was showered with love, from every Jets fan
Men ran behind you, coaches would cheer
As every D tackle, would cower in fear
Now it’s all over, retirement at last
We’ll never forget, that big beautiful ass.
Fly away sweet prince. Fly away and be free.