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In A Bizarre Update, The Charles Manson/’Star’ Wedding Is Off Because He Found Out She Only Wanted Possession Of His Corpse

OH GOODSerial killer Charles Manson’s supposed budding romance with a woman 53 years his junior has been allegedly exposed as a money-making scheme.

According to journalist Daniel Simone, 27-year old Afton Elaine Burton, now known as Star, was hoping that she would gain possession of Manson’s corpse through marriage so she and a couple of friends could put it on display in a glass case in LA.

They apparently thought the Lenin’s Tomb-esque attraction would draw a huge number of visitors and make them a lot of money. 

But Manson, 80, apparently got wind of the plan and now no longer wants to marry Burton. “He’s finally realized that he’s been played for a fool,” Simone told The NY Post. The tourist attraction was also something of a non-starter because Manson believes he is immortal.

“He feels he will never die,” Simone added. “Therefore, he feels it’s a stupid idea to begin with.” Manson and Burton’s marriage license expired on Thursday, though Burton apparently remains hopeful that it will be renewed.

What?

Well I guess love is dead. If Charles Manson and his 53 years younger lover can’t make it then nobody can. That’s the gist of it. Of course, there’s also a lot more to love about this story. Firstly, is it THAT surprising that a a 27 year old woman who wanted to marry Charles god damn Manson turned out be some kind of corpse preserving weirdo? I never thought it would end in a corpse tourist attraction but I can’t honestly say I’m surprised. Also, how about Charles Manson only calling off the wedding because he feels like the corpse tourist attraction is a stupid idea because he thinks he’s never going to die. OF COURSE Charles Manson think he’s immortal. That’s actually the one thing that makes sense about this entire thing. And you know what? He might be immortal. That might be the universe’s final FU to us. Make Charles Manson immortal so we can never pay $50 to see his corpse on display.

– Ryan

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Baria Alamuddin is Certifiably Insane

CLOONEYAmal Alamuddin’s mom doesn’t approve.

George Clooney’s fiancée reportedly didn’t get her mother’s blessing to marry the Hollywood hunk, according to the Daily Mail.

Baria Alamuddin, an editor for Arab newspaper Al Hayat, supposedly wished for her daughter to marry within the family’s strict Lebanese religious sect, close family friends told the gossip site.

Coming from the Druze sect, her family’s beliefs forbid her to marry outsiders, which often results in excommunication and a social boycott.

“You would think Amal has hit the jackpot with George Clooney, but Baria is not happy,” a friend of the family said.

i-feel-like-im-taking-crazy-pills

What is this lady’s problem? Her daughter is about to marry the best guy in the whole wide world and she’s upset? I don’t get it. Isn’t the whole goal of parenting to make sure your children have a better life than you? Well it seems to me that Amal has a pretty sweet life. Not only is she a respected lawyer and activist, but she’s engaged to the coolest guy in the goddamn universe. I didn’t want to pull this card but this is obvious jealously on Baria’s part. She’s finally starting to realize her age and how she’ll never get a man like Clooney. I get it. I’m in the same boat. But she needs to suck it up and be happy for her daughter. She’s about to join American royalty.

– Ryan

In Case You Needed Another Reason to Love Paul McCartney, Here He Is Helping A Couple Propose Onstage

When I’m 64During his second encore, he brought a couple from Rochester onstage after the woman held up a sign saying her boyfriend wouldn’t marry her until he met McCartney. After the man led the audience in a verse of “When I’m 64” to honor his age, he went to his knees and successfully proposed.

“And he booked us for the wedding,” McCartney joked.

 

Paul McCartney being the coolest guy in the room once again. Just a sweetheart move bringing this couple on stage so the guy could propose. Also, this guy is kind of demanding. I feel like refusing to marry someone until you meet Paul McCartney is a very ballsy move. It’s not like your saying I won’t marry you until you buy me a new pair of shoes, or until make me that chicken parm dinner I like. Paul McCartney seems like a busy man. Might be doing a few concerts here and there. Lives in an entirely different country. But somehow this guy pulled it off, mostly due to Paul McCartney being one of the coolest people in the entire world. Kudos to the happy couple.

– Ryan

 

Robin Thicke is Reason #1000 Why It’s Easier to Be a Celebrity

AlanRobin Thicke will stop at nothing to get his gal back.

The 37-year-old singer has reportedly written a new song in effort to work things out with his estranged wife, Paula Patton, and will perform it at Sunday’s Billboard Music Awards, according to TMZ.

“I should’ve kissed you longer/ I should’ve held you stronger,” are some of the lyrics from the hearlfelt ballad titled “Get Her Back.”

“All I wanna do is make it right,” the track continues via the gossip site.

“I gotta get her, go get her back/ I gotta treat her right /I gotta cherish her for life”

This is not the first public attempt Thicke has made to make things right with Patton, who he has been involved with since his teenage years.

He has opened up at several of his concerts since the pair’s separation announcement, made in February after eight years of marriage, stressing how he wants to work things out.

Patton, 38, recently spoke out about the split in Vanity Fair’s June issue, telling the mag, “there’s a deep love there — always was, and always will be.”

quizzical

Wait, am I supposed to feel bad for Robin Thicke? If you play the game you can’t get mad when the game ruins your life. That’s how it works. You can’t travel around the world seducing everybody and having sex with every girl who gives you the eye and expect your hot, actress wife to be OK with it. Also, let’s not forget that Robin Thicke has the one thing working for him that can heal this marriage: he’s a celebrity. Your wife caught you cheating? Write her a song that you can perform at an award show so she has no choice but to watch it. Make the lyrics all lovey dovey so she REALLY knows you mean it. It really is that simple. If I wrote my ex girlfriend a love song and tried to sing it to her I’d be trespassing and breaking probation. But Robin Thicke does it and he’s a hero. Game ain’t fair. Game ain’t fair.

– Ryan

 

America’s Long National Nightmare is Over: George Timothy Clooney is (Reportedly) Engaged

Batman – George Clooney told Esquire in September he had no “aspirations” to be married with children. That was a month before he was seen with Amal Alamuddin in October.

Could Clooney finally have met his match in Alamuddin, a 36-year-old Oxford-educated British lawyer who reportedly shares the actor’s passion for crusading for international human rights?

There is plenty of speculation that Alamuddin may be the woman who converts Clooney — with two Oscars and a firm hold near the top of Hollywood’s A-list — from confirmed bachelor to family man.

The latest gossip started Saturday with reports from People magazine and the New York Post’s “Page Six” column quoting unnamed sources saying the couple are engaged to be married.
Slow Clap
Who knows if this is true or not, but if it is, I’d like to be the first to congratulate my best friend* on his engagement. If in fact Clooney has been tamed, then kudos to Amal you lucky son of a bitch. Just know that if you harm a hair on that silver fox’s head I will ruin your entire world. On the positive side, it seems as if Clooney has finally decided to settle down, although I can’t help but think this has something to do with his ex Stacey Keibler already settling down and having a baby with the unluckiest guy in the world Jared Pobre. I really thought Stacey was the one. She’s gorgeous and ex WWE diva, which are the perfect qualifications for a wife in my book. I guess when you have literally everything else in the world, you have to start thinking outside the box. And outside the box for Clooney is getting engaged to an insanely hot international human rights lawyer. Game. Set. Clooney.

– Ryan

*whatever the opposite of a best friend is.

If You Hang Out With Bruce Dusting, You Better Be Ready to Marry Him

(Source) “A woman who turned down a marriage proposal  from a well-to-do suitor was shocked when he handed a bill of more than £115,000  for everything he claims to have spent on her.

Single mother Marie Lacombe, 42, from  Melbourne, Australia, says she and 65-year-old Bruce Dusting were never  romantically involved.

But it seems he felt differently about their relationship, claiming she led him on to extract money from him to fund Zumba classes, shopping trips and even cosmetic surgery.

Ms.Lacombe met Mr. Dusting four years ago when  she began teaching him dance. The pair became good friends, with Mr. Dusting  taking her for dinner and visiting her home regularly.

But things between them turned sour when he  asked for her hand in marriage – and she turned him down.

Now he has handed her an itemized bill  outlining every single penny he ever gave her or spent on her behalf, which  amounts to a hefty AU$200,000 (£116,638).”

Bruce Dusting

Poor Bruce. He gives this lady $155,000 of his own money for Zumba and clothes and surgery, and she can’t even give him the common courtesy of her hand in marriage? Appalling. Now he’s sulking on his couch, alone and confused. What did Marie really expect in this situation. A rich old man is giving you endless amounts of money, taking you out to dinner and basically letting you live your dream life. You didn’t think he was going to come back and want something in return. Granted marriage is kind of an odd request, but Bruce Hastings is a man who zeroes in on something and gets it. Except in this case, because now he’s just a sad old man.

– Ryan

P.S. Marie is the worst looking 42 year old on planet Earth.

Marie Lacombe

Kim and Kanye’s Celebrity Mashup Name – What Should it Be? Give us Your Thoughts!

By now 4/5 of the world are aware that Kim and Kanye are now engaged to be married. I’ve been on record as hating Kanye from time to time, but I’d be lying if this wasn’t my reaction when I heard the news..

There’s only so much hate you can have for two people, and if they want to get married and having little babies named after directions on a map let them do it. Renting out an entire baseball stadium and proposing on the big screen on her birthday while family and friends wait in the wings is also pretty damn cool.

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The only question I really have is what is their celebrity mash up name going to be now that they’re getting married? While KimYe is incredibly creative, I was thinking of something that doesn’t just combine Kim’s actual name with the last two letters of Kanye’s. I want something creative, something that shows their unique spirits. Keezus? Kanyashian? I think we can do better. These two down to earth celebrities need our help, so what do you got? Let us know!

– Ryan

Things you Should be Sure of #242: Marriage Proposal

David just got his heart ripped from his chest, and it’s his own fault. I have never proposed to anyone (sober at least) so I wouldn’t know exactly what it’s like moments before. What I can say is that when I (or if I) decide to propose, I am going to be damn sure of what the answer is going to be before I do it. It’s not rocket science, you have to know if she’s willing lock it up with you or not. This seems like very elementary intuition, but apparently David wasn’t in the same relationship she was. There is no way you go down on one knee, especially in a public place, without knowing the outcome already. $100 dollars on black? sure why not, but there is no way I gamble on the humiliation this guy is feeling. David, this could have all been avoided if you just read the signs, like that fact that she had absolutely no intention of getting hitched to you. Tough blow man, but it’s your doing.

-MattyV

PS- Hey David, if your ever in Providence, strip club on me.

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