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Trailer Alert – Life

Daniel Espinosa, director of Safe House, takes us into outer space for a sci-fi horror/thriller that looks like the spiritual cousin of the Alien franchise.

I’m not sure i’m ready for Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds to share the big screen. How does the hype train not reach ludicrous speeds with a cast like that?! Give me all the space horror/thrillers, and give me them now.

-Matt

Sidenote: Both writers are from Deadpool, and are currently working on Deadpool 2, so look for Ryan Reynolds to steal the show with one-liners.

 

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Music Monday: Johnny Cash – In My Life (Beatles Cover)

A cool spin on the Beatles classic. Also proof that Johnny Cash can do everything.

– Ryan

Donald Sterling Just Got His Harshest Punishment Yet – He’s Banned From the Bunny Ranch in Vegas

PuppiesDonald Sterling is not only banned for life from the Los Angeles Clippers and the NBA, a Nevada brothel owner also wants nothing to do with him.

Dennis Hof has banned Sterling for life from ever entering the doors of the Bunny Ranch near Carson City, Nevada, and any of his six other brothels in the state.

“A lot of NBA players come here to party,” Hof told The Huffington Post. “Out of respect to them, we have banned Sterling from coming here.”

Hof says his sense of confidentiality prohibits him from confirming or denying if Sterling has ever visited his brothels.

“I can tell you this: Johnny Buss, one of the owners of the Los Angeles Lakers, and I have had a dual birthday party at the Bunny Ranch for the last 18 years, so a lot of NBA people have been here,” he said.

Hof’s stand against Sterling isn’t only in support of the basketball players who’ve had to deal with the billionaire’s alleged racism over the years.

“At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African-American,” Hof said. “And they’re smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning so we’re doing this for them as well. We don’t need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch.”

Sterling isn’t the first high-profile person forbidden to partake in Hof’s garden of earthly delights.

“We banned the ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys. Those guys are the biggest homophobic assholes and they make their living killing animals,” Hof said. “We’ve also banned Michael Vick. We don’t want him here. I couldn’t guarantee his safety from the girls. They love animals.”

Sterling may be persona non grata at Hof’s brothel, but his estranged girlfriend, V. Staviano, now has a free lifetime pass.

“She needs to meet some women who can satisfy her more than any man could,” Hof said.

F Me

Now it’s getting real. Banned from the NBA, $2.5 million fine blah blah blah. Banned from the Bunny Ranch, home of the Cat House TV show, the best TV show ever? That’s some ice cold shit. How is a man supposed to live without the Bunny Ranch? I’ve never been there but what’s not to like. Hot girls walking around half naked willing to do whatever the hell it is you want to do, and it’s all legal because you’re in Vegas. This is almost a fate worse than death. Just knowing for the rest of your natural born days that you can’t go to the Bunny Ranch. Pack it up, Don. It’s over.

– Ryan

Reason 34,642 Why Dave Grohl is a Music Visionary

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Alec Baldwin is the Latest Celebrity to Claim He’s Leaving the “Public Life”; Does Anyone Care?

SourceAlec Baldwin says he’s quitting public life and possibly leaving New York City in a new 5,000-plus word essay in New York magazine — as told to writer Joe Hagan.

“I loathe and despise the media in a way I did not think possible,” Baldwin explained in the piece titled “Good-bye, Public Life.” “This is the last time I’m going to talk about my personal life in an American publication ever again.”

Now tell us how you really feel, Baldwin. And he does. The former “30 Rock” star touches upon — well pretty much everything — from his one-time MSNBC show, his many paparazzi run-ins and even his feud with Shia LaBeouf during the Broadway production of “Orphans.” Though he says he’s felt sorry for LaBeouf after his latest shenanigans, citing the “I Am Not Famous Anymore” bag.

To view Baldwin’s essay in it’s entirety, click here.

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I don’t know what its like to be a celebrity. I don’t know what its like to have a camera shoved in my face everywhere I go. I don’t know what its like to have mine or my family’s privacy violated. There is a price for fame, and apparently the lengths the current generation of media are willing to go to in order to gain some inside knowledge is too much for some celebrities to handle. First there was Shia LaBeouf, who seems to have lost his mind and replaced it with a paper bag. Now it’s Alec Baldwin’s turn to shun the spotlight, the very spotlight that gave him his cushy New York home and the ability to move his new wife and child wherever he pleases. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not dripping with sympathy, but there are far more people in far worse situations than Alec Baldwin. Unfortunately, we (myself included) are permanently fixated on celebrities in our culture. For the most part, celebrities are also fixated on the attention we give them. After all, what’s a movie star without their adoring fans paying to see his/her movie? What’s a rock star without their adoring fans paying to see his/her show? Now we’ve reached a point where celebrities want us to give them enough attention to be famous, but not so much where it effects their private lives. That’s a mighthy thin line, and we really have no way of walking across it without falling into chaos. So if celebrities really want to leave public life, then they should. Don’t put on an art exhibit. Don’t write a 5000 word essay for a major magazine publication. Just leave. I’m sure we’ll find someone new to fixate on.

– Ryan

Boyce Avenue Has a Cover of ‘Story of my Life’ and I’ll Probably Never Listen to Another Song Again

I’m a big fan of Boyce Avenue (even though they ignored the 1000 or so requests Matt and I made for them to cover ‘Country Roads’). There’s something about the simplicity of their songs that makes them that much better than any other cover artists. Their cover of ‘Story of my Life’ is no different. A piano, guitar, tambourine and two sweet, angelic voices. Gets me every time.

– Ryan

One Direction is Stalking Me

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Ever since One Direction were the musical guests on SNL I think they’ve been stalking me. At first I didn’t mind because “story of my life” is a pretty good song. It’s actually better than most of the stuff on the radio right now. As much as I love listening to the same song on repeat, ‘story of my life’ is starting to haunt my dreams. I hear it before work, on lunch, after work, the weekends. I put on a random Pandora station and it pops up out of the goddamn blue. What I long feared to be true is actually happening: One Direction is stealing my soul and I’m powerless to stop them. That’s the story of my life.

– Ryan

Monsterblog Wednesday – If You Had to Watch One Movie For the Rest of Your Life…

A Bronx Tale

While I always go with Clooney in pretty much any hypothetical situation, I had to switch things up for this monster blog. Before Tony Soprano landed on our TV sets, there was Sonny. Sonny was a mobster, and Sonny was cool. A Bronx Tale, for those who haven’t seen it, follows C, a young Bronx boy who has to decide between a life of crime with mobster Sonny or follow in his father’s footsteps and make an honest living. The icing on the cake? Bobby De Niro stars as C’s father, and he directs the movie. Watch this movie and tell me it doesn’t have the greatest soundtrack of all-time. I DARE YOU. Also, it provides us with one of the greatest quotes in movie history: “the saddest thing in life is wasted talent”.

– Ryan

Armageddon

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NO question in my mind. This was probably the easiest choice I have ever made. Affleck, Willis, Tyler, Wilson, Duncan (RIP), Thornton, Buscemi, fitchner…and the list goes on! Star studded cast? Check! Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck saving mankind? Check! Romantic love story? Check! Uber emotional ending that I don’t cry at every time? Check! On my death bed i’m going to rip my hospital tag off my wrist and scream “GIVE THIS TO TRUMAN! MAKE SURE TRUMAN GETS THAT!”

-MattyV

What movie would you watch? Comment below!

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