Blog Archives

Trailer Alert – IT

Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Having said that, I’ll be in line for the first matinee of this movie…preferable in a theater with windows….with the lights on.

-Matt

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Insane Instagram Comments: Welcome to Hell, Melissa King!

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For those of you who don’t know, Melissa King is a former Miss Delaware Teen USA who decided to do a porno film and then had to relinquish her prestigious crown. If you’re wondering why I follow her on Instagram, that last sentence should help you out. It turns out before Teen beauty queens turned porn stars aren’t exempt from the insanity of Instagram, and of they’re not safe, then who is? Anyway, she takes a nice picture of a sand dollar but then @karimzp has to come along and filth it up. This is why we can’t have nice things Kari! I’m going to go out a limb and say that Melissa King did not in fact take this kid’s virginity, because logic. Just goes to show you, anyone can feel the wrath that is the true insanity of Instagram.

– Ryan

I Need Cesaro’s New ‘King of Swing’ T-shirt So Bad It Hurts

Now available @wweshop, the brand new #KingOfSwing ringer T!

A post shared by Cesaro (@wwecesaro) on

If this is WWE’s way of making up for his siren entrance theme then I accept. I might just order seven of these so I can wear it every day without compromising my overall hygiene. The King of Swing is here to stay.

– Ryan

Things Got a Little Weird on Game of Thrones Last Night

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So YouTube is being a little bitch today and won’t let you embed the horribly awkward opening scene from last night’s Game of Thrones, but you can click here to watch it.

I always kind of liked the Jaimie Lannister. Yes he had an evil baby with his sister but if you could get beyond that, he was kind of a badass. He has the best nickname in the seven kingdoms (Kingslayer!) and he managed to charm the pants off of Brienne which I thought was impossible. His only weakness (he only got one hand) will soon become his strength after his sword fighting duels with my favorite character and overall nice guy Bronn. But after watching that scene from last night I really can’t root for him. Forcibly having sex with your sister while your freshly dead son is laying right there tends to put a sour taste in normal peoples mouths. He’s beyond redemption in my book now. Long live the imp!

– Ryan

Vince McMahon, Dinosaur Skull Connoisseur

There’s a famous scene in the HBO show The Wire where one of the older characters is teaching the youngn’s how to play chess.

The pawns, bishop, rooks, knights and even the queen have one goal: checkmate the king. Nine times out of ten most of these pieces get taken, but the King, he stay the King. That’s exactly what happened when Vince McMahon heard about Bill Murrays PBR pants.

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This photo just so happened to get on Twitter the day Bill Murray took over the internet. Vince McMahon was recently interviewed by Forbes Magazine since he’s a billionaire once again, and he’s main quote was that he has a voracious appetite for life. Naturally he has a dinosaur skull in his office which just so happens to line up perfectly with his own skull when photographed from that angle. The King stay The King.

– Ryan

P.S.

Vince McMahon Walk

Table Talk – Venting About The NBA Dunk Contest, Drakes Friends, and Nick Cannon

-The Average Nobodies

Face Tattoo’s and Crazy Names are In

FacedThe most tattooed man in Great Britain, formerly known as Matthew Whelan, has spent over $40,000 covering 90 percent of his body in tattoos. In 2009, Matthew changed his name to King Of Ink Land King Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite. Yes, that’s now his full name. King Of Ink Land King Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite was recently offered work overseas doing body modification so he applied for a passport, but was denied because of his unconventional name, even though it already appears on his driver’s license

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I’m on the side of King here (names too long to spell it out every time). If he were to walk up to me and introduce himself as ‘Matt’ Id laugh in his face and punch him in the stomach. You can’t spend $40,000 and go through all the pain and suffering of tattooing 90% of your body and then keep your given, boring name. Would I have gone with such a long and repetitive name? Probably not. I mean we get it, you’re the King. But I also have one tattoo that cost me $60. I have to imagine the face tattoo community has seen a lot of shit, so it’s either go big or go home when it comes to the name change. Long live King of Ink Land King Body Art the Extreme Ink-ite.

– Ryan

King Mswati III’s Days Are Numbered

King Mswati III of Swaziland pictured during his visit to Taylor's University near Kuala Lumpur on July 3, 2013

(Source) “Swaziland’s King Mswati III has chosen an 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant as his 14th wife, a palace spokesman said Tuesday, days before a much-criticized parliamentary vote.

“I can confirm that the king has introduced to the nation a new liphovela (royal fiancee),” said Ludzidzini palace governor Timothy Mtetwa.

Mswati, a 45-year-old who is sub-Saharan Africa’s last absolute monarch, introduced Sindiswa Dlamini at a Reed Dance celebration over the weekend, Mtetwa told AFP.

She wore red feathers on her head — a sign of royalty.

The young woman graduated from Mbabane’s St. Francis High School last year and is a finalist in the Miss Cultural Heritage beauty pageant. The winner will be announced on September 28.

The king has come under fire for his household’s lavish lifestyle while the tiny mountain kingdom’s 1.2 million people struggle to make a living.

Mswati reportedly has a personal fortune of around $200 million (152 euros) and the UN estimates that 70 percent of his 1.2 million subjects live below the poverty line.

He has steadfastly resisted reforms.

The new engagement was announced at a festival which also counted regional delegates who will observe parliamentary elections on Friday.

Critics have slammed the polls as a sham, partly because political parties are banned and candidates are hand-picked by traditional leaders.

The weekend’s celebrations were a smaller repeat of last month’s official annual Reed Dance, where young virgins from across the kingdom gather and dance for the king.

“It just happened that the international community was there to witness the event,” said Mtetwa.

The wedding only takes place once the fiancee falls pregnant. Dlamini will then become Mswati’s 14th wife.

The monarch’s colourful private life is off-limits in local media, but has drawn a lot of international interest.

Three wives left the household in recent years. The latest, Queen LaGija, fled the palace in 2012 claiming years of physical and emotional abuse.

Another queen, LaDube, was reportedly abused after she was caught in bed with the justice minister, a close friend of the king.

Mswati had kidnapped and married the queen when she was 16 in 2005.”

King Mswati is just kind of doing whatever he wants over in Swaziland. Kidnapping girls and marrying them. Having a personal fortune over $200 million while 70% of the country is living below the poverty line. Real humanitarian. Well I have news for you King, you just made the list. The list of human rights violators that George Clooney takes out for a living. He does Spanish coffee commercials, builds spy satellites and spies on your ass until you submit. It kind of sucks to be King Mswati at this point. Yeah he’s rich and a king but Clooney is fresh off a breakup. He will show this fat bitch no mercy. I smell a 15 some with Clooney and the kings wives. I never thought I would be this jealous of so many women from Swaziland

– Ryan

P.S. Clooney

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