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These Kids Do Covers Of Zeppelin On A Xylophone And It’s Awesome Sauce

I kind of want to play the xylophone now. Nothing says badass quite like raging out to “Kashmir” on xylophone. Sure, it isn’t the most transportable instrument, but I will surely stand out when I whip one of those bad boys from the trunk of my car and start jamming in the middle of Providence Place Mall.

-Matt

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Parenting 101: Shoot Heroin at McDonalds and Let your Kids Run Free

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CINCINNATI (AP) — An Indiana couple has been arrested in Ohio on child endangering charges because police say they overdosed on heroin in a McDonald’s play area.
Hamilton County court records show that the fire department in Green Township, just west of Cincinnati, responded to a call Sunday of two adults needing attention in the restaurant’s children’s play area. Authorities say one was unconscious and not breathing; the other was conscious but unresponsive.
They recovered from what police say were “life-threatening overdoses” of heroin. Authorities say the couple acknowledged taking the drugs while caring for two children, a 5-year-old girl and 8-year-old boy.
Court documents show each pleaded not guilty. Robert Paul Palmer, 37, was being held Thursday on $10,000 bond. Tamica Lynn Jeffers, 33, was being held on $6,000 bond. – Huff Post

And the parents of the year award goes to………not these fucking people. Is Indiana really this horrifyingly boring that the only way to get kicks is to blast some dope and watch your kids play in a ball pit? (This is assuming this McDonalds had a play pit) I wonder if they ordered their Big Macs with a side of “rock bottom”.

-Matt

PS- Look out, Florida, Indiana is trying to take your insanity crown.

Want to Sleep Tonight? Don’t Watch This “Banned” McDonalds Commercial

Ok, so this clearly wasn’t even close to endorsed by McDonalds on any level. Doesn’t change the fact that it is horrifying. I still don’t understand the irrational fear of clowns a lot of people have, but with this video I can kind of see where they are coming from. KIND OF

-Matt

I’m Not Entirely Sure Steve Smith Knows How Twitter Works

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Steve Smith you rascal. Everyone knows Steve Smith is good at two things: talking trash and impregnating women. Notice how I didn’t put “using Twitter” on that short list? That’s because Steve Smith apparently has no idea how it works. Either that or he’s oddly obsessed with himself, which now that I think about is a plausible explanation. Only true ballers @ themselves and hash tag their own name all while humble bragging our faces off. Steve Smith is having sex, guys, and he wants the world to know.

I’m Not Crying, I Sweat From My Eyes…

Heartwarming is an understatement for this story.

-MattyV

Kangaroo Makes Another Kangaroo Tap Out

Skip to 4:30 for the hold

Vicious rear naked choke hold! Get Vince on the line! We got a star on our hands. Love the showboating after. Just straight up cocky kangaroo stance.

-MattyV

PS- as for the Kagaroo who got choked out…

Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar Would Be Terrible Dinner Guests

(Source) “After suffering a devastating miscarriage in December 2011, Michelle Duggar is trying to get pregnant again with her 20th child. The 19 Kids and Counting reality TV mom says she and husband Jim Bob Duggar are hoping to be “blessed” with another pregnancy.

“I would hope, but we are not expecting right now,” Michelle, 47, shares in a new interview with Celebrity Baby Scoop. “I would be so grateful if the Lord blessed us with another one. We’re trying at this point and we shall see if that is a possibility. If not, we are so thankful and grateful for the ones that God has given us so far. We are also definitely enjoying our grandbabies! They are so precious!”

Michelle and Jim Bob, 48, are already parents to 19 children with names all starting with “J,” and have three grandchildren: Their oldest son Josh, 25, is a father of three with wife Anna: Mackynzie, 4, Michael, 2, and Marcus, 4 months.

In an interview with the TODAY show in April, Michelle and Jim Bob, married 29 years, said they have considered adopting their 20th child. “We’re praying about if the Lord would want us to adopt,” Michelle said. Jim Bob added, “We have set up our home to be designed for taking care of children. We love children, and we really believe every child is a special gift from God.”

Michelle Duggar "Trying" to Get Pregnant With 20th Child

These two are clearly insane. 20 kids in this or day and age just doesn’t make sense to me. You’re bound to neglect at least 12 of them. Putting the 20 kids aside, Jim Bob (hilarious name) and Michelle are now at the top of my list for world’s worst dinner guests. If you invite these two over they’re going to talk about one of two things: Jesus, or their kids. The first hour and a half would be spent looking at pictures of their kids, while the rest of the evening would be spent praising Jesus for the beautiful food you’re about to eat. I’ve seen their show. I’m not proud of it, but when you want to write about someone sometimes you have to make sacrifices. All they do is sit on various park benches and kiss each other. It makes me feel awkward, and I’m watching it through a television screen. You’ve have to witness the worst, most awkward type of PDA, and there is not enough wine in the world for having to see that in person. My advice to Jim Bob and Michelle: cut back on the 20th kid talk and get with the times. Whatever you do, don’t ever change your name, Jim Bob.

– Ryan

Kids Mature So Quick These Days

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A pack of smokes? Really? Well maybe that’s how to get through to kids now.

“Ok class, if Johnny has two packs of cigarettes that cost 14 dollars together, what gas station did he buy them at?”

Street smarts….power move school.

-MattyV

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