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It’s A Powerful Feeling Knowing I Hold Johnny Manziel’s Career In My Hands

Johnny Football is in the new Snickers commercial and it’s kind of funny, but let’s get straight to the point here: I hold Johnny Manziel’s career in my hands. Let me explain:

Last year, I picked up Browns quarterback Brian Hoyer off the waiver wire in my fantasy football league. My QB (Andrew Luck) was on a bye, so I needed a one week fill-in, and since Hoyer was playing Thursday night, I picked him up so I’d have an interest in the game. I picked up him up Thursday morning, and 8 hours later, two plays into the game, he was writhing in pain because he just tore his ACL. That’s my fantasy football experience in a nutshell: if you are on my team, you are going to get hurt/something bad is going to happen to you. Here’s a list of players on my team last year: Jermichael Finley, Arian Foster, Darren McFadden, Brian Hoyer, Ray Rice. Half those guys had season ending surgery, and one is now a woman abuser. Moral of the story: if Johnny Manziel really wants to play this year, all he has to do is say the word and I’ll scoop up Brian Hoyer. Unfortunately for Johnny, this deal is a double edged sword, because if he starts to play well, I’ll probably pick him up to, and then Snickers commercials will be the only thing he’s seen in ever again.

– Ryan

The Globetrotters Draft Johnny Football

 

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Football, baseball, and now basketball? Before you know it Johnny Football is going to be drafted to a badminton team in Omaha (they are good at badminton out there). Enough is enough! He is a football player! Sure, he is a incredible athlete, but do you think for one minute that he is going to say “you know what? Fuck the NFL, i’m going to start touring with the Globetrotters”? No, he wouldn’t…well, he is on the Browns… I don’t know anymore.

-Matt

Browns GM Says They Will Not Start Johnny Football Week 1

Everything i’ve heard out of the Browns facility since the draft is that Manziel is their backup QB. I respond with…

dont_believe_you_anchorman

 

Listen, I understand where the Browns front office is coming from, they don’t want Johnny to end up like every other Browns QB over the past 14 years, but I just don’t believe it. You know the old saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well I am convinced that saying was made specifically for the Browns.

In the NFL I know 3 things to be true:

1. Roger Goodell is an evil super villain bent on ruining the game I love.

2. The Buccaneers ALWAYS look good on paper, but never in real life.

3. The Browns will fuck up any talent they ever have on their roster.

-Matt

The Iron Sheik Responds to Vince Young Getting Cut from the Browns, Michael Sam Getting Drafted

First, let me say that I am LOVING the Sheik’s new Twitter pic. Just absolutely screams “i’m a psycho, don’t fuck with me”. Secondly, I don’t know where Sheik is getting his facts but I highly doubt that is what Johnny Football said to Vince Young his first day in the NFL. I think Sheik is wrong, however, I would never tell him this because I am afraid he might hunt me down and put me in the camel clutch…actually, I might just delete this post.

Just when you think old Sheiky Baby is only out for blood in his tweets he goes and backs Michael Sam. Michael Sam, for those of you who don’t know and live under rocks, is the first openly gay NFL athlete.  Sheik approves, so that means you have to approve too, or else you end up like Marshall Henderson, next up on the Sheik’s hit list. Don’t be Marshall Henderson

-Matt

Twitter News Weekly – TMNT, Gwyneth & Chris, Johnny Football

 

-The Average Nobodies

Why is this Such A HUGE Deal Right Now.

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So maybe most college football players don’t wear pads during their pro days, but is it that big of a deal? Don’t they wear this stuff in the NFL during, like, every game? Johnny Football is turning into the Lebron James of Sportscenter.

I Hope the Texans Draft Johnny Football at #1

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I don’t really want to know what happens when a bunch of gun-wielding Texans don’t get what they want. Especially when it comes to football. 

-Matt

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