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BREAKING NEWS: Jim Ross Announces Retirement

It is a sad day in the pro wrestling world. Hall of famer, Jim Ross, has announced his retirement after 20+ years of service to focus on his personal business endeavors.

Jim has called some of the most memorable matches in WWE history incuding the epic and iconic hell in a cell match between Mick Foley and The Undertaker. He was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2007 by his long-time friend “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.

Fans everywhere thank him for his many years of service and wish him well.

All I have to say is “AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!”

-MattyV

PS- Nicest guy in person and he loves his fans!

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Body slam touchdown! Football players to wrestlers

Don’t sleep on the WWE. Last week Hall of Famer Jim Ross met with the NFLPA concerning a potential deal that would see ex NFL players have the chance to join the sports entertainment company. This is a smart move for multiple reasons. The physical build of NFL athletes and WWE superstars are very similar. While I’m aware wrestling is fake, the mindset needed to excel in these fields are also very similar. Throw in the fact that many former football players, including The Rock, Ron Simmons and Bill Goldberg, have become household wrestling names, and you have a recipe for success. In case you didn’t know, the Average Nobodies are huge football and wrestling fans. Once we heard the news of a possible collaboration, we sprinted to the liquor store, grabbed personal 30s, and started to develop wrestling personas for former NFL greats. Imagine Barry Sanders as a high flying luchador, or Ryan Leaf as a former quarterback turned crackhead. The possibilites are endless! Without further ado, here are the 4 newest additions to the WWE roster:

Bill Romanowski Bill Romanowskia.k.a Cowboy Bill
a.k.a The Roman
a.k.a BillRo Baggins
This psychopath billed from outside of Dallas TX (really from CT) is an obvious heel. He’s been on numerous tag teams, all starting with success but ending when he unravels and explodes on his teammate, usually resulting in burying his partner by injury. He’s a former tag team champion, but now wants a go at singles championship gold. He takes aim at anyone in his sights, especially quarterbacks. The call him cowboy because of his outlaw ways, cheating to win and hurting people who get in his way. Watch out WWE there’s a new rebel in town and he wants everyone’s gold.
Style: Brawler/brute
Finishers:
Steroid Slam
Flying head stomp off the top turnbuckle
Texas Eye Gouge
Submission:
Crippler cross face
-Berno
Doug FlutieDoug Flutiea.k.a Dougie Flutes
a.k.a Flutie Pebbles
a.k.a Flutie Scrambles
a.k.a Underdog
a.k.a The Little Giant
a.k.a The Mist
Five foot- ten inches, weighing in at 180 bs. This retired QB is inch for inch, pound for pound the greatest arm to ever enter the WWE ring. An obvious face in the WWE universe, his biggest rival is Steve Young for the top spot as premier WWE QB as well as Kofi Kingston and of course autism and gun violoence.
Style:
Air it out/Aerial
Signature Moves:
The Beantown Beatdown
The Seven Step Drop
The Boston Massacre
Submission:
Drop Kick to Heisman Grapple

-Seanlite-

The Barber BrothersThe Barber Brothers

a.k.a The Billionaire Barber Brothers
a.k.a The Barbershop Duo
a.k.a The Brothers Grimm

Ronde and Tiki will hit the WWE tag team division by storm, taking out the likes of the Shield, Team Hell No, and the Wyatt Family. These brothers are no strangers to a fight, each specializing in offense (Tiki) and defense (Ronde). Not to mention they are filthy rich and now hold the million dollar belt. Which they renamed “The Billion Dollar Belt” after beating the shit out of Ted Dibiase Jr. One retiring from football extremely early, and the other staying in the game to steal roster spots from young hopefuls, shows that they are heels in every sense of the word.
Style: Tag Team
Finishers:
The Barber Beat Down
The 2B
The Barberline
Twins Tower Toss
Submissions: Double Arm Bar…ber -Matt

Steve Young
Steve Young
a.k.a. Johnny Utah
a.k.a. Lord Steven Young
a.k.a. The Brain Basher
I’m a lifelong 49er fan, so naturally I had to go with one of my favorite players, Steve Young. On the football field, Steve (yes we’re on a first name basis) was known primarily for his throwing accuracy as quarterback for one of the greatest sports dynasties in history. In the wrestling ring, the hard punching southpaw is going with a baby face (good guy) persona. As a wrestler, he re-adopts his given name and pays homage to his home state. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of Johnny Utah. Utah starts off as a fan favorite, living the Mormon lifestyle and defeating his opponents with a variety of movies, including the Salt Lake Splash and the Mormon Stretch. Just like Steve’s career, a concussion knocks him out of action, and the WWE Universe is left in stunned silence, not knowing if Johnny Utah will ever fight again. Unlike Steve’s career, Johnny Utah comes back as a sex crazed bad guy who blurs the line between scripted wrestling and reality. He is ultimately kicked out of the WWE for defaming America and having sex with every other wrestler’s mother. A sad end to a promising career.
Style: Technician Extraordinare
Finisher: The Salt Lake Splash
Submissions: The Mormon Stretch, The Figure Eight Leg-lock
Ryan
_The Average Nobodies_

Miguel might switch to a career in pro wrestling

Miguel channeling his inner Hulk Hogan

Miguel’s career in music may be over after this freak accident tonight at the Billboard Awards, but we’re sure he has a future in the WWE.
Here’s two women who bore the brunt of his failed stage dive attempt (or was it failed? What was he trying to do?) and were quickly shuffled away from the scene. The one on the right takes a shoe to the head; the one on the left gets the full guillotine leg drop action to the neck. …meanwhile, finished the song as if nothing had happened.” – Deadspin

First off, let me start by saying, that was the best leg drop I have seen since Hogan fought The Rock at Wrestlemania X8. Just absolute flawless execution and form coming from the R&B sensation.

Now on to why i’m pissed.

This is a classic case of the rich getting richer.  Not only does this guy have an amazing singing voice but now he probably has a good chance of appearing on WWE. Come on now!  I fake wrestle with my friends all the time and probably have a better repertoire of moves. It doesn’t mean you’re not gonna see me chumming it up with big Vince anytime soon. Miguel, I appreciate the effort, but leave the wrestling to the pros…and to me, drunk on a friday night.

Matt

P.S. That lady has to have a concussion right?

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