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Stupid Sayings – The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword

Can’t think of one scenario where the pen is actually MIGHTIER than the sword. Stupid saying.

-The Average Nobodies

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Rob Gronkowski’s Off Season Rehab Seems to Be Going Well

I love Gronkowski. He’s the only tolerable member of the Patriots that non Patriot’s fans can root for. But if I were a Pats fan, I’d be a little upset with him. Athletes can do whatever they want in the off season. Is it ideal that they train and stay in shape and try to get smarter and stronger? Sure. But if a professional athlete wants to blow off some steam and go to Vegas for a few weeks and get drunk and party with porn stars who are we to tell him no? As long as they’re ready to perform when the season starts, I’m OK with it. The only problem with Gronkowski is that he’s the largest human ever who is apparently made entirely of glass. He had back surgery in college, and has dealt with serious ankle, forearm and now knee issues. Maybe dominating comedy shows and bench pressing comedians is the magical formula. My bet is on Belichick letting him go after the 2014 season.

– Ryan

Hey Science: You Suck [The Doctah Is In]

 – Scientists have designed a machine that they say can help women achieve orgasm at the push of a button.

The device, which is a little smaller than a pack of cigarettes, uses electrodes attached to the patient’s spine to trigger an orgasm via remote control. Doctors think it could help women who are unable to achieve orgasm by other means.

it is TRULY OVER.

That’s a sad face above if you didn’t see.  Yes, a sad face.  Why?.

They took it away.  The power.  Science is trying to take the power away. What power am I speaking of? In the words of Huey Lewis, I’m talking about the power of love. Science is essentially trying to reprogram love.

Love is intimacy, and passion.  If females can zap themselves to orgasm quicker than the speed of light, what truly is left to life? That removes the intimacy part.  Leaving just passion?  I don’t know if life could thrive without passion. Is this the females way of getting back at us?  They basically said “oh yeah, well if you can do it in a minute, we can do it in a second, ASSHOLE.” Well I’ll just say it, because well, I’m that much of an asshole.

Our true reason to exist would not be to chase and procreate, but only to solely procreate. This could cause massive porn addictions, inadvertent auto asphyxiation suicides, or reluctant sexual experiences with the same sex to release yourself.  These actions may cause loneliness, death, or regret.

Just an aside, if your going to have a massive porn addiction, please visit SmilefortheCum.com, for all your pornographic viewing needs.

Carry on with your day.

– The Doctah

5 Best “This Is Sportscenter” Commercials

It’s impossible to pick the best “this is sportscenter” commercials, but I did it anyway. I hope you disagree.

– Ryan

Jumpy The Dog Is My Hero

Hands down best trained animal on the planet.  You might say the whales in Seaworld are, but i dare you to teach them a trick they don’t want to learn.  Your ass would get swallowed up like yesterdays tuna. Jumpy is everything a dog should be: Smart, talented, athletic, and loyal.  Why can’t my cat, Batman, be like this? Oh yea because he is lazy as shit! But he gets that from his master.

-MattyV

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