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My beloved Buccaneers nearly killed me yesterday

This is something I should be used to…something that should brush off my shoulder, roll off my back, keep moving without missing a beat. I didn’t think the Buccaneers still had the power to destroy me. Boy was I wrong.

Picture my Sunday afternoon like this: Bruce Arians is Pennywise, living down in the sewers, leading idiot fans (like myself) to their deaths with the idea of a 2-1 start on top of the NFC South.

I’m stuffing my face with hot dogs and chips as the Bucs play a nearly perfect first half of football. I’m feeling good, great even. Then I hear a whisper from out in the street. My windows were open yesterday during the games, it was nice out. It’s PennyBruce, he’s calling from the storm drain.

I look down into the sewer with wanting eyes. “This is it! Jameis has found his rhythm….The Bucs have changed…Maybe they’ll talk about us on SportsCenter this week…Mike Evans’ prime won’t be squandered!”

“Come closer Matt! Have you seen Shaq Barrett? He’s awesome!”, the clown brags–It doesn’t matter, I’ve already taken the bait.

Next thing I know I’m being dragged into the sewers. Jameis throws a pick, my arm gets bitten off. “3 and out, 3 and out, 3 and out”, the demented clown starts to chant. I’ve lost the will to live by the time Daniel Jones runs it in to put them ahead.

I let the other side take me as the field goal attempt soars far outside the right post. I wish I could tell you it was painful, but it wasn’t—I was numb. I had seen this story before.

I slump back on my couch.

Death, taxes and the Buccaneers blowing a second half lead.

-Matt

Maybe I’ll be back later this week with a more positive outlook. Maybe I won’t.

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Odell Beckham Jr. Can Cry Me A River. His One-handed Catch Record is Already Broken

Hey bro, why don’t you set the bar a little higher next time. I’m not saying it isn’t impressive, but if you are going to set a record make it something so impressive that it can’t be broken less than 24 hours later. I can feel the internet surging with one-handed catch videos now. I am going to predict that in a weeks time some schmuck from florida will have done a 100+ catch video. You watch. Ice Bucket challenge all over again.

-Matt

I Hate the Seahawks But This ‘Ravishing’ Rick Rude Tribute is Glorious

Solid moves, Michael Bennett. Although sacking Eli Manning isn’t much of an accomplishment these days.

– Ryan

– via @SBNATION

Jet Chevrolet Underestimated Just How Much The New York Giants Suck

Source – People in Seattle are geeked about their Seahawks’ success this season, and a possible Super Bowl run. But you could understand if one area car dealership was less than pleased with Sunday’s results.

The Seahawks dismantled the New York Giants in Week 15, 23-0, rallying from a bump-in-the-road loss to the San Francisco 49ers the week before. And perhaps because of that loss, and with the cross-country travel for Sunday’s game, Jet Chevrolet, a dealership in Federal Way, Wash. (25 miles south of Seattle) figured they could offer a promotion that they probably wouldn’t have to make good on.

The deal: Jet Chevy planned to pay out $35,000 to 12 lucky winners if the Seahawks shut out the Giants. Simple as that. So leave it to the Giants to stick it to Jet at MetLife Stadium.

 

Talk about a horrible idea. The best team in football, with the best defense in football, are playing one of the worst teams in football, who just so happen to have a quarterback who leads the league in interceptions. Of course they got shut out! The Giants are downright awful this year. If Eli Manning has the chance to ruin someone’s day he’s going to do it. Plus, I feel like this deal should have worked the other way around. If you’re a car dealership IN SEATTLE, wouldn’t you want the Seahawks to shutout the Giants? A more sensible bet would have been to dole out prizes if the Giants shutout the Seahawks, which has a negative infinity chance of happening.  Just a mind boggling move by Jet Chevrolet. I don’t know much about car dealerships, but $420,000 is a lot of money, and there’s a 100% chance that every employee is fired by the end of the week. Happy holidays indeed.

– Ryan

 

TNW – Giants are 0-5, The Duggars Want #20, and the Jenners are Splitting Up

-The Average Nobodies

So Pablo Sandoval is Reg MacWorthy

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Spitting image. My question is how does Pablo do it. Including spring training and playoffs, a baseball season can run from early March to late October. Where does he find the time to star in Eastbound and Down. Not only that, but he was a series regular on The Office and starred in movies. Is Pablo Sandoval a super hero? No other explanation for how he can be so many places at once. I know deep down he must be dying to tell the world his story. When this comes out, it’s going to dominate headlines. America’s first baseball player/actor super hero. I can feel it in my plums.

– Ryan

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