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*Spoiler Alert* If the Rapture Ever Happens, Gary Busey is As Good As Gone

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The Leftovers premiered Sunday night, and while it wasn’t a great first episode about eating last night’s dinner for today’s lunch, it was a great first episode about loss and how we, as humans, handle it. If you haven’t seen it, I strongly suggest you do, but I won’t be a dickhead and list all of the spoilers here. However, I will list one spoiler: R.I.P. Gary Busey. The premise of the show is that on October 14th, 150 million people (2% of the world’s population) mysteriously disappear. Some people think it’s The Rapture, some people don’t: the only thing everyone can agree on is that there are a lot of people missing, and one of those people is Gary Busey. I think it’s safe to say that if Gary Busey was one of the people taken, it is not The Rapture.

– Ryan

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Hopefully No One On the English World Cup Team Gets Injured

GOOOUCHI guess the bright side is, if anyone knows how to deal with an injury, it should be a member of the medical staff.

England physio Gary Lewin reportedly dislocated his ankle while celebrating his team’s lone goal during Saturday’s World Cup match with Italy. Lewin had to be carried off the pitch on a stretcher.

In the 37th minute, Daniel Sturridge netted a goal to knot the score, 1-1. Not long after, Lewin appeared to fall to the ground.

 

The only good thing here is that soccer players are known for their ability to never fall down or fake an injury. Constantly battling through the hip bumps and phantom trips. Literally never needing a trainer to come out and check on them. To be honest I bet this guy had a shin splint and made it seem like he dislocated his ankle. Soccer players are like thieves; one minute they’re on the ground writhing in pain and the next minute they’re scoring a goal, taking their shirt off and losing their goddamn minds. I guess they’re actually nothing like thieves but you get the point. Maybe next time Gary Lewin will just do a casual fist pump when a player scores a goal instead of acting like he won the English lottery.

– Ryan

 

Rhode Islanders Can Rest Easy Today: The Potato Burglar Has Been Caught

French FryProvidence police said Monday that a man accused of using a potato to look like a weapon in two attempted robberies has been arrested.

Officials said 34-year-old Gary Deming was already being held at the ACI on other charges.

Providence police said Deming admitted during an interview to the two attempted robberies. He said he attached the potato to the end of a butane lighter.

Deming was charged with assault to commit robbery.

Workers at a Shell gas station on Branch Avenue said a potato-wielding man tried to hold them up April 21. They scared him away with a bat.

Police said the same man tried to rob a dry cleaning store on Charles Street about 30 minutes later. The owners gave him a counterfeit $20 bill.

Thank God

45 people got shot Easter weekend in Chicago but they’re probably thanking their lucky stars they didn’t have to deal with the potato burglar. Rhode Islanders can sleep with both eyes closed now. This long nightmare of a man with a potato and a thirst for blood is over. When I first saw the headline, I honestly thought a drunk guy tried to steal a potato from a convenience store, which would be weird but kind of understandable. Robbing a convenience store with a butane lighter and a potato, on the other hand, is something that is not meant to be understood. Probably a good thing he got caught because he was a horrible burglar. If all you get after two robbery attempts is a counterfeit $20 bill then maybe its a blessing in disguise that you got caught. Spend a little time in prison and rethink your robbery strategies (don’t use a potato as a weapon). Trust me when I say this, we haven’t heard the last of the potato wielding mad man known as Gary Deming.

– Ryan

The Outtakes From Gary Busey’s Amazon Fire Commercial Are As Insane As You’d Expect

Gary Busey is one of kind. He’s clearly lost his mind but at this point in his life he’s no longer fighting it. He’s going to scream at the ocean and talk to a dead fish and have a conversation wth a lamp because that’s how Gary Busey rolls. I still don’t udnerstand why Amazon used him to promote their product but I blog from my parent’s basement and they run a multi billion dollar website so I guess we’ll just have to trust them.

– Ryan

I No Longer Trust Amazon

Did Amazon approve this commercial? It’s on the official Kindle YouTube page so it must be legit, but this looks like Gary Busey got his hands on a camera and found someone capable of editing videos and just started talking to himself. Saying hi to a lamp, then creating a different voice so the lamp could say hi back to him. Saying hi to his pants. Screaming at the ocean. If Amazon did indeed support this then I can no longer trust them. Anyone who uses Gary Busy to endorse their product has clearly lost their minds. However I will still use Amazon Prime because that is an amazing service.

– Ryan

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