Blog Archives
“Your Song” Taking You Into The Weekend
I dare you to say this isn’t the best song for a Friday before a long weekend.
My gift is my blog, and this one’s for youuuuuu.
-The Average Nobodies
The Tale of Rob Ford Needs to be a Book/Movie
Ok, Rob, you are a true mad man.
Can we all agree that this looks like a christmas list compared to SMOKING CRACK. These new allegations are just going to keep piling up….like this new one.
Rob Ford, do yourself a favor and go silently into the night. As much as I would like to see you continue on, do it for your wife, and all you have to eat at home…
-MattyV
The Guy Who Made Rebecca Blacks Hit Video is Back for an Encore
I love Chinese food as much as the next red-blooded American so this video speaks volumes to me. I expect this song to reach the top of my iTunes “top-played songs” list by weeks end. I hope Alison gold is ready to join Rebecca Black in internet music video stardom.
-MattyV
PS- What do I have to do to get this guy to hook me up with a video and song about burritos and wrestling?
PSS- Guy in the panda costume just reeks of internet fame
Dentist Appointments are Hell on Earth
I had a dentist appointment this morning. It’s something that I have dreaded since my last appointment 6 months ago. First thing I did today was brush my teeth like a madman, trying to make up for nearly a half-year of semi-poor oral hygiene. Listen, i’m not saying that I don’t brush my teeth regularly, all i’m saying is sometimes I rinse out with Listerine and call it a brush job.
You walk into the waiting room at 7am, because apparently “ass crack of dawn” is the only appointments they take, and it looks like a holding tank at a Charlie Daniels concert.
aka the waiting room from BeetleJuice
Everyone looks as miserable as you are to be there. You sit and wait for an hour, because why? Because fuck having an appointment, thats why. They are better off implementing a deli counter system for the dentist office. Take a number, take a seat, and rot away reading 2 year-old Highlights Magazines.
Finally, you get in to have your teeth cleaned. Actually, i’m not even sure you can call it a “cleaning”, it’s more like torture for your gums. The hygienist uses these primitive tools that look like something Dr. Frankenstein would use to create his next monster. Just jagged-ass metal spikes that get shoved around your mouth all willy-nilly. Then she has the nerve to lecture you on how “I don’t floss enough”. Listen lady, I pay my dental insurance for this torture twice-a-year, you and me both know i’m not going to start flossing at 24. So save your breath and get back to tearing up my mouth.
If leaving the dentist battered and bruised isn’t shitty enough I just remembered I will be back in 6 months to do it again.
-MattyV
The World According To Yoko Ono
Its Friday. Lets get yoked
“@yokoono: Have you seen the horizon lately?”
– As a matter of fact I have. It looks glorious. You know you’re insane when this is considered a normal tweet. I applaud Yoko’s consistent obsession with the sky. Horizons, stars, clouds. Can’t get enough.
“@yokoono: Climb up a ladder to reach the sky. Try ladders of different heights. See if the sky looks any closer from a higher ladder.”
– This seems a bit dangerous. I’m not sure Yoko understands how high the sky is from the ground. While I’ve never been to Japan, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that they don’t have ladder’s that can reach the sky. I hate to sound like a pessimist but this just seems flat out impossible.
“@yokoono: Imagine a dolphin dancing in the sky. Let it dance with joy. Think of yourself at the bottom of the ocean watching.”
– Yoko is all over the place with this one. Wouldn’t it make sense to picture ourselves dancing in the sky while dolphins watch us under water? I don’t think Yoko has a solid grasp on the human respiratory system. The dolphin would undoubtedly not be able to breathe in the sky, and we would drown at the bottom of the ocean. Was this Yoko’s plan all along? Is she some type of evil genius? I need a drink. Have a great weekend.
– Ryan
P.S. Yoko Ono has 4.3 million followers. Mind bottling.
