We consider ourselves food connoisseurs so for this week’s Monster blog we will be doing a cooking show round up. Here are the names and types of shows that we would be broadcasting straight to your stomach via your TV. Watch out Food Network, the bad boys of food prep are in the house! That is, until everyone gets horrible food poisoning from our food and we are shut down.

Matt’s Mexican Munchies

Tacos, burritos, quesadillas, you name it, I make it. If you thought Mexican food was getting overplayed and boring then you haven’t seen my show. My show is here to make Mexican food fun again. Our motto? Every night is taco night. My live studio audience gets margaritas all during filming and so do I. Like really strong margs all around… I’ll be honest, I’m drunk for most of the show, which only makes my food better. So maybe the producers are going to have their work cut out for them editing out all the profanities that I use while cooking, but it will all be worth it. Critics will dub me “The Rob Ford of Food Network hosts”, and I will be honored.

-Matt

Ryan’s Hamburger Helper Hour

This isn’t your momma’s cooking show, partly because your mom never made Hamburger Helper and partly because I’M A MAN. A little known fact about myself is that I was a hamburger helper wizard  back in college. Did it help that everyone I cooked for was heavily intoxicated? Probably, but that’s neither here nor there. My secret recipe includes everything you see on the back of the box, except for milk. Milk is horrible for you, and it has no place in my Hamburger Helper. I’ll also make classic sides like instant potatoes, Ryan’s special eggs, and every Hamburger Helper meal comes with a Parmesan goldfish appetizer. How is cooking Hamburger Helper going to take up an hour? You’ll have to tune in and find out.

– Ryan