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The Boyz II Men Pretzel Love Songs Marketing Campaign for Wendy’s Is Genius

Just when I thought I couldn’t love Wendy’s any more, they pull Boyz II Men out of retirement or a nursing home and have them read actual tweets about Wendy’s new pretzel bun. Do I love the pretzel bun? Yes. Do I love Boyz II Men? Also yes. Does listening to Boyz II Men read tweets about people’s lust for pretzels make me want a Wendy’s pretzel bun sandwich? Kind of. Job well done, Wendy’s. I’ll always support you:


Let’s see what the Iron Sheik thinks about the pretzel love songs:

Alrighty then.

– Ryan

KFC’s Newest Chicken Creation is Not Going Over Well in England

Paper towel chickenA mother in Newcastle, England was horrified when her stepson bit into a deep-fried blue paper towel, the Mirror reported last week.

Krystal Henderson, 29, and 7-year-old Oliver Hallam purchased takeout from a KFC branch in Killingsworth, according to the Express. At home, Oliver took a bite out of what he assumed was chicken, but recoiled seconds later.

“He pulled it out of his mouth and when he did, it pulled away the batter – you could see the blue roll inside,” Henderson said, according to the Daily Mail.

Henderson said that realizing Oliver had bitten into a paper towel was worse than if it had just been bad chicken.

“If it was bad chicken they might have just had a bad batch or something,” she said. “But the blue roll could have been used for anything – it could have bleach or disinfectant on it … Had someone wiped their hands on it, had it been used to wipe the floor?”


Nothing like a fried piece of paper towel to ruin your entire life. How does this even happen? I feel like you really have to go out of your way to fry a paper piece towel instead of a piece of chicken. They are two very different things. This might’ve happened in England but now it’s making me look at KFC completely different. A KFC in my hometown just closed down after being there for a long time. At first I thought it just a drop in sales, but now that this story leaked, I have a funny feeling it had something to do with paper towel chicken. Have we ruled out a global sabotage effort from Taco Bell? Taco Bell spies around the world infiltrating KFC and stuffing their famous fried chicken with used paper towel? Let’s just say it if comes out that that’s happening you should remember where you heard it first. And for the time being, maybe everyone should stick to the cornbread and potato wedges at KFC.

– Ryan

I Am NOT On Board With the New Ronald McDonald Look

Source Ronald McDonald’s not clowning around with his new look.

The fast-food mascot has swapped his mustard yellow jumpsuit for a stylish red blazer and ketchup-colored bow tie. He also rocks an updated red-and-white rugby shirt, slimmer yellow pants and a matching vest.

Ronald appears to have tamed his wild red hair, but his oversized shoes have stayed the same.

His theatrical new wardrobe was designed by Ann Hould-Ward, a Broadway costume designer who won a Tony for “Beauty and the Beast.”

In addition to his new duds, Ronald will also be getting a new responsibility. The clown will play an active role on social media and will tweet from the McDonald’s account using the hashtag #RonaldMcDonald, the company said Wednesday.

“Selfies …here I come! It’s a big world and now, wherever I go and whatever I do … I’m ready to show how fun can make great things happen,” Ronald said in a McDonald’s press release.

Ronald was first portrayed by TV weatherman Willard Scott. The character made his debut in 1963.



No no no no no no no no no no. I don’t like McDonald’s food. It’s absolutely my least favorite fast food joint but Ronald McDonald is an American institution. He’s a clown with huge hips who always freaked me out but for some reason convinced kids to eat cheeseburgers for all three meals. I don’t want to see a slim, sharply dressed Ronald McDonald who wants to take selfies. I want to see him for what he really is: an out of shape clown who pounds chicken nuggets like they’re going out of style. I refuse to accept this. Michelle Obama and her get kids skinny campaign has gone too far! You can force me to exercise but you will never make me like this Ronald McDonald imposter. Gattaca! Gattaca! Gattaca!

– Ryan


*UPDATE* Rob Ford Says He Had Been Drinking During Fast Food Restaurant Video – Ya Don’t Say!

Source – Toronto’s illustrious mayor was captured on camera putting on a bizarre patois monologue for customers at the eatery in the Canadian city on Monday night, during which he ranted away about police surveillance and flailed his arms seemingly at random.

Since then, the video, called ‘New Video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Drunk, Swearing in Jamaican Patois? Bumbaclot’ has gone viral.

Confronted about the footage outside his Toronto office, he told reporters he had imbibed “a little bit” of alcohol on Monday night.

“I was with some friends and what I do in my personal life with my personal friends, that’s up to me,” Rob Ford said.

“It really has nothing to do with you guys.”

On whether he felt the language he used was offensive or discriminatory, he said: “It’s how I speak with some of my friends.”

So Matt did a post earlier on the charismatic Rob Ford and his Jamaican speech in a fast food restaurant. Turns out Rob had been drinking before this. No! I refuse to believe it! You’re telling me the same guy who smoked crack actually drank before he gave a speech to Jamaican’s in a Jamaican accent? Mind blowing. I gotta say, the more I watch this guy, the more I fall in love with him. Oh and by the way his approval rating is 42%, higher than President Obama and Prime Minister David Cameron. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

– Ryan

3 Cars That Get My Heart Racing

Ferrari F40

_8308531_origThe Ferrari F40 is easily one of the most recognized cars the world over. 0-60 in 4 seconds? Check. Head-turning curves? Check. Purrs like a kitten on acid? Double check. Even though this beauty stopped being manufactured in 1992, the Ferrari F40 has a timeless look that will never go out of style.

Toyota Corolla AE86 ae86The 86′ Corolla hatchback aka The Panda. This car is known around the world as a legendary Japanese drift car. People love the tiny form factor and light weight that make it an idea on the track racer. As for me? I just like that way it looks. Something about the hatch and the slant of the hood is very appealing to me. Not to mention the two-tone paint scheme. I love me some two-tone. I know it might sound weird, with so many other cars out there, but I would be more than happy to have one of these in my garage.

Mustang GT500 Fastback 1967-ford-mustang-gt-500Last, but never least, is the 1967 Mustang GT500 fastback aka Eleanor. First thing i’d like to say about this car is that over the years it has become all to common to see these at car shows and auctions, but that doesn’t change anything for me. The only change that I would make to the classic “Eleanor look” would be to paint the car flat black and keep the glossy black racing stripes. Just a perfect car inside and out.


Honorable Mentions
• Subaru WRX STi
• Acura NSX
• 1969 GTO
• 1970 Barracuda 440

Just What the Doctor Ordered: Part 2

Domino’s Pizza is introducing it’s next delivery gimmick as a “domicopter”, a flying drone that will deliver your pizza to your doorstep.

Looks like its time for me to invest in a rifle. I’m gonna sit on my front porch and pick these bad boys outta the sky for sport. Yea, I’ll probably indulge in one here and there, but the real fun lies in fucking up Domino’s plan to become the real world version of Skynet.

But seriously do we really need flying pizzas? How do you even pay one of these things? Give them the wrong address, intercept the drone, take pizza, make profit.

A wise man once said “retro fit one of these with a taco holder and I’ll change my tune”. Or something like that.

-Sean Lite-

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