Have you been dying to know what happened on the series finale of Sons of Anarchy? Have you ever wanted two moderately handsome men to tell about the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? Well you get none of that and more in this week’s Twitter News Weekly!
– The Average Nobodies
I’ve always been a fan of England’s power system. The prime minister might think he makes the decisions but it’s really up to the king and queen. He knows it, I know it, you know it. Being “the king” of something just sounds so much more badass than President. Companies have presidents. Country’s should have kings and queen. If America is going to name our first queen it should be someone who makes the Queen of England look like an old piece of shit. While that’s pretty much the easiest thing in the world to do, it would still be nice for the Queen of America to be someone who is nice to look at and has hall of fame boobs. Enter Kate Upton. Talk about having the world by the balls. SI cover girl two times over. Movie star. Model of the Year. Oh yeah and she’s 21. No biggie smalls. Get Clooney as her king and this country will prosper like never before.
I think we can safely assume that when Peter Pan equated wearing a tie with everything bad about growing up, he had never heard of the Tie Flask, a microfiber tie with a six-inch pouch for tucking inside the front flap and a self-sealing valve for sucking booze. Growing up may be awfuller than all the awful things that ever were, but at least you’re allowed to drink in a variety of silly ways, including from your tie, or even better: out of a sippy-cup for wine.
This is it. This is why I was put on this Earth. Remember in Superman when Kevin Costner was telling Superman he was brought to Earth for a reason? Well this is my reason. To casually drink alcohol out of my tie at work. Some people save the world, some people booze. I’m a boozer baby.
P.S. There’s a link in the original article promoting a wine sippy cup. I tried this in college. So overrated it’ll make you weep.
(Source) A Brooklyn cellphone crook’s poor wardrobe choices led to his arrest when his saggy jeans tripped him up during his getaway attempt and allowed cops to chase him down, police said. Joel Donaldson, 21, allegedly punched his victim in the face before snatching her phone at around 2:30 p.m. at Court and Remsen streets, just steps from Borough Hall. He then tried to get away on foot, but didn’t get far. His droopy blue jeans — which left his boxer shorts exposed — kept slipping down as he ran. A cop who was directing traffic nearby spotted the bungling bad guy’s sorry sartorial situation and hurried after him. Donaldson made it only about a block before his pants were completely around his ankles, allowing the officer to tackle him near Joralemon Street. “He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t run because his pants was falling down,” witness Arlene Williams said. “This cop saw it, and he went right after him.’’ Donaldson was arrested two blocks from Brooklyn Criminal Court and charged with robbery, cops said.
Belt-less. I really don’t understand some people. If you’re going to go through all the trouble of punching some poor lady in the face and stealing her cell phone, you’d think you’d invest in some comfortable clothes. Maybe gym shorts? Running shoes? Basically anything but baggy jeans. You rob some lady’s cell phone in baggy jeans you’re getting caught every time. The most important part of a robbery is getting away. I could go up to some lady on the street and knock her lights out, but I get winded running to first base in beer league softball so the chances of me getting away are very slim. Joel has all the gifts you want in a thief, yet he let his pride and baggy pants get in the way. Get some new clothes Joel, or invest in a belt
As I was watching The Bridge last night, I realized one of it’s creepiest characters always wears dress shirts buttoned to the top. If this isn’t the sign of a psychopath then I don’t know what is. If you’re buttoning the top button of a dress shirt and you’re not wearing a tie you have or will eventually murder someone. I’ve always been someone who believes that their are levels of crazy. Dress shirts buttoned to the top is easily level 7. Add in the fact that it’s a classic fashion no-no and you have a recipe for disaster.
Why put it in your pockets when you can put it in a bag? That’s the question more and more American men seem to be asking as the man bag — or “murse” — industry booms. Sales of men’s handbags and totes rose 3% to $957 million in the 12 months through June, while briefcases, duffel, laptop, and messenger bags declined, according to NPD Group, a market research firm. Backpacks also experienced a surge, growing 24% to $684 million in revenue during the period. “Men have been silently learning just how important it is to have a bag to carry their ‘stuff,’” such as electronics, chargers, headphones, and books, Marshal Cohen, NPD’s chief industry analyst, wrote in a post on the firm’s blog today. “And just think about the practical side of this. Men’s clothing has gotten tighter again. Now where do men put those keys or phone? With this change in fashion and lifestyle, men now do need to carry a bag.” – BuzzFeed
Does this mean I need a murse? American men spending almost $1 Billion on a fashion item can’t be wrong. On the one hand, I don’t necessarily want to look like the guy in the black vest. He’s probably a sweet guy, but I don’t know if that look gives off the “I’m a 25 year old male looking for a female” vibe I’m going for. On the other hand, the guy who might be Jamie Lannister looks so badass it’s unreal. Plus, I hate when I have my keys in my jean pockets, and cell phones are getting so big it’s a hassle to try and cram them in there. A murse might be the only way to go. If I become a murse guy, I definitely have to double down my scarf collection. A murse without a scarf is a fashion no-no.
P.S. I’d bet anything the bearded guy paid for his murse with a credit card. A Lannister always pays his debts.
Are you shitting me? This is pure brilliance. No more towels. No more stupid blankets. Granted I don’t go on many picnics, but if you’re only using these pants on picnics you’re wasting it’s potential. Going to the movies? Let me put on my picnic pants and go to town on some popcorn. Spontaneous snack time? Picnic pants turning friends into jealous zealots. I need these.picnic pants and I will have these picnic pants. End of story.